*All ages (does contain a vulgar expression)
Author’s Note: This story was originally written for a Group Writing Project on "The Other Side". The task was to write a letter home from college from one of the Bob Whites, giving some experience of college life. This should answer a few of those questions about Brian’s behavior during the whole "Words get in the way so kiss me stupid" saga.
Better Road: the letter home
by Sandra
Newman College
Swanston Street
Parkville VIC 305231 March
Dear Honey,
Well, here I am at last. I never thought I’d get here somehow. When I first arrived, a large part of me wanted to run all the way back home. Another part of me wanted to hide under a cupboard and never come out. But the last part of me is so excited, and wants to see everything now, now, NOW. Needless to say, that part won!
I’m still getting used to the difference in climate. It will never be as cold here as it was last winter in Sleepyside, but it is still a long way until Summer. And I hear they can get pretty hot.
I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write. I could say I was so busy with uni life here. But the truth is, I spent many a night at the college alone in my room. All the other med students are out raging, and they always ask me to go with them. I guess I’m just the good old American country boy. The irony is Honey, I came here to escape that.
Well, no, not escape. It’s who I am, I’ll never escape it, but I just didn’t want to be that person for a while. The responsible one, the strong one. The good example, dependable. And in a way, leaving you all behind and coming here to Australia to study medicine is not particularly responsible. The course here at Melbourne University is a very good one, but it’s no better than one I could have studied at home. I guess I just needed to get away and "find myself". Gee, that does sound pretty corny doesn’t it? But, unfortunately, it’s true.
I knew that if I stayed any longer in Sleepyside, or even anywhere in the US for that matter, I’d never have a chance to find out who I really am. Who knows, maybe I am the one who needs to be responsible. Maybe I will be happy following the norm, staying on track, setting the example, and all those other bloody cliches you hear, which basically mean boring, boring, boring.
You see, that’s the way I have felt all these years. Boring Brian Belden. Look at the Bob-Whites. You all have something that make you stand out. Trixie and you have a talent for solving mysteries. Actually, make that genius. Diana has her exceptional beauty. Mart has his love and over use of big words. Jim has his "Home for struggling boys" masterplan, Dan has his wild past. And me? Well, if they were writing a book about us, they would either refer to me first or last as the "level-headed and even tempered, steady and serious oldest Bob White; the conservative and dependable Belden". Honey, I just needed to get out.
Okay, so enough rambling. I bet you want to know about college life here. Well first of all, no one ever calls it college. I live in a residential college, but here all places where you get a degree are called University. I guess the college is like the dorms of our university, except we have our own room. The other people who live in the college with me are mostly from the country, only a few are from interstate. That’s another thing different, so few students live on campus. Most who don’t live at home share flats (apartments) and houses. Also, there are far fewer students from other states. People generally don’t change state to go to University, unless the particular course they want to do isn’t offered.
We still study in two semesters here, but its really weird to complete an academic year in a calendar year. Yet, it makes a lot of sense. We start in early March, and finish at the end of November. And we still finish before Summer…which is also just before Christmas…
First year at the moment is just basic biology, chemistry, math, which they add an ‘s’ to and call "maths" and a few other subjects. They don’t name their years here. Even though to you I am in my Freshman year, here we’re all just "first years, second years" etc.
Melbourne University is surrounded by lots of parks. Right next to us is Princes Park, which hosts the home of an Australian Rules Football team. I can’t wait to go and watch a match. Diagonally across form the Uni is Royal Park, which has a whole lot of ovals, a golf course, and is near the Melbourne Zoo. You can see why the suburb is called Parkville! Down the road and across is Royal Melbourne Hospital, where we will be doing a lot of our training. Anyway, this is on one side of the University. On the other side of the University, is Lygon Street, which is also called Little Italy. It was one of the original settlement areas of Italians and still has retained a lot of the Italian flavor. You will find the best pizza and pasta at many of the restaurants there, not to mention the best coffees too. Please tell me I am not starting to sound like Mart!
We are just a short tram ride away from the Melbourne City. God it is small compared to New York. You could walk the length of the CBD in under an hour. It’s still a nice place to visit. I’m slowly getting used to public transport here. I will never get used to driving on the wrong side of the road, so I don’t think I’ll try and get a license here. It's weird, some of the guys in my course don’t have their license yet, because you can’t get it until you’re 18. BUT at 18 you can legally buy alcohol. Most of the guys go out and get "pissed" (excuse the language, it’s theirs not mine) every weekend. They keep asking me to go, but I haven’t yet. Part of me is relieved that I am still underage. The other part wants badly to go, just to get out of this place. I guess I am still Boring Brian Belden, even though I try to escape it.
So how are you? And Dan? I hope everything is going all right there. I know things seemed to get weird between us when you two initially got together. I am also aware that I never explained anything to you, about my behavior at that time. It was just easier not to bring it up.
Do you know I can still remember that bus ride? Okay, I lie. I don’t remember a thing about that bus ride. Just when we all got off. I watched you run up to Dan, and give him a kiss on the cheek. Then, you ran to Trixie, and started some girly giggle thing happening between the two of you.
All of a sudden, it was like I was hit by a freight train. Then I saw Mart and Di holding hands. When had this happened? And why hadn’t I noticed sooner? I realized then that I didn’t know a thing that was happening around me. All of the people I cared about seemed to be falling in love.
I guess I also should try and explain what had happened between "us". It was funny, but when I saw you and Dan together, I didn’t feel jealous. It took me ages to realize why. All I felt then was lonely. Isolated. Like I was missing out on something. I don’t mean a relationship, even though I did notice that. Again, this sounds corny, but it was like I was missing out on life. I was too busy studying, with my head always buried in a book. And the thing is, I always made good grades, so I didn’t really need to study that much. But I still kept it up. I guess I didn’t want to fail, and let down my parents. But I realized I was missing out on something.
Jim seemed to be in the same way as me. His problem was he could just never get around to asking Trixie out. I invited him over that night, as I needed to talk to someone, just have someone listen to me, and tell me what was wrong with me. But no, he had to go and have some sort of cup breaking fight with Trixie, which resulted in them being inseparable. So I still wasn’t sure what was happening to me. Hang on, I have gotten off the point. The point about you and me.
I had always thought that we would end up together. Not because I especially loved you, (which I do, really, just not in that way) but because that’s the way it was meant to be. You were always the one I danced with. I mean, let’s face it, Mart wouldn’t let anyone get within ten feet of Di, and dancing with Trixie? Let Jim get broken toes. And I liked sitting with you at the movies, you didn’t shriek like Di, analyze the villains’ motives like Trixie does, second guess the plot like Jim, or give a running commentary like Mart. You were always the girl that it was easy and fun to be with, and who I liked most as a friend. I guess I just always took it for granted that we would be together forever, without really thinking what that meant. I mean, you never see relationships in a biology book, or love in a chemistry text, so I never really thought about it.
Don’t get me wrong now, I did always have a crush on you. You still are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I do love you, but I am not in love with you. And I wasn’t then. I realized that when I saw you kiss Dan. Isn’t it funny how big long complicated thoughts can come to you in a flash, and all of a sudden you can see a whole lot clearer. Or at least, understand just a little more about life. Or yourself. Well, that’s what happened.
And then came the depression. I felt like I was on my own. The rest of you had all paired up, and I was the seventh wheel. I understood how Dan must have felt. Because now the situations were reversed. And all of a sudden it brought out all my insecurities. I was too boring. Too responsible. I didn’t know how to have fun, all I ever did was study. What girl would want me? I think it’s sad, that so many of us base our ideas of self worth on how we are perceived by the opposite sex. But it’s true, I did it too. That’s one thing I hope to help when I become a doctor, even though it’s more of a psychological than physical issue.
So when I saw the opportunity to win that fully paid scholarship to Melbourne, I seized my chance to get out, and prove to myself that I don’t need to be the guy who is always dependable, and responsible. No one knows me here, I can start afresh.
Anyway, I hope I have explained to you what I was going through then. Knowing you, I know you feel you caused some of my depression, but you didn’t. It was always me. Honey, you are still one of my best friends, and I hope you always will be.
Give my love to every one, tell Dan that he is the luckiest guy in the world. Am thinking and missing you all.
Regards,
Brian.
Brian sighed as he re-read the letter. That was one of the most difficult letters he had ever written. He hoped Honey would believe him. Maybe, one day he would believe himself as well. Brian carefully folded the letter, and put it back into the envelope. He glanced at the photo that sat on his desk. A very beautiful girl with shining honey coloured hair smiled at the camera. Brian wiped the tears he felt form in his eyes as he heard the knock at the door.
"Hey Brian, we’re going to Lygon for a pizza. Coming?"
Brian hesitated only for a second.
"Yeah sure, I’m in." He grabbed his jacket, wallet and keys, and followed the tall blonde boy out the door. The unsealed envelope sat on his desk. Maybe one day it would actually be posted.
The End