Big time thanks go out to Kate for giving this a look-see, and to Kyrie for whipping me into a state of extreme, joyful anticipation. NYC, here we come; but please, let’s avoid Mexican fortune-tellers, okay? I’ll just stick to my Magic 8-Ball for now! J

Trixie privately wondered how much more ‘taking it easy’ she could stand. A few days had gone by since the car accident she still had no memory of, and although she’d had many visitors to talk to, what she really wanted to do was get back to the office. Even Katy couldn’t wait to go to school today, she thought sourly. It was Monday, which meant the start of a new story that she would ‘die if she missed’, so Jim took her into White Plains before he went to work.

Trixie sighed—she had to admit she didn’t feel ready to get behind the wheel yet. Even though she couldn’t remember what happened, she felt uneasy at the thought of getting in the car. She supposed it was a good sign that her memory was returning, but at the same time, it made her anxious and impatient. Although she had learned how to accept help over the years, it was still hard for her—it rankled not being able to do something.

Trixie stretched and took another small sip of tea. Honey was going home today and Trixie felt like she would start screaming and never stop if she didn’t talk to her about the case soon. She wondered if the toxicology analysis was finished, and if the results revealed anything that would help Joeanne. She turned her head as the front door opened.

"I’m back—do you need anything before I go?" Jim asked, coming into the living room where Trixie sat on the couch.

"You mean other than the return of my memory and the will to live? Nah," Trixie replied. She set down her tea. "I’ll pick Katy up later," she said decisively, suddenly deciding that the best defense was a good offense. Enough was enough.

Jim stood in front of her. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Trixie sighed noisily. She loved Jim with all her heart, but he could be a real pain in the rear. She told him so with a grin.

Jim grinned back, secretly glad that her old spunk was returning. Seeing her lie listlessly on the couch yesterday was hard. "Is that so. Whatever happened to ‘honor thy husband’?"

"Kisseth my ass," she mumbled, beginning to laugh when he replied ‘as you wish’, bending down and kissing her lips. She pulled him down to her, and it must be said that for a person who hated being late as much as Jim did, he was certainly late to work that morning.

*     *     *

"Brian, let me go!" Honey protested as Brian, after unlocking their door, swept her up and carried her into their apartment.

Brian kicked the door closed and held onto her. "Never going to happen," he responded before kissing her. He was still reeling from the news they had gotten, flooded with a fierce tenderness that almost completely overwhelmed him.

He had spent that long, first night taking catnaps in the chair by Honey’s hospital bed and was sure he was hearing things when the doctor began talking to them the next morning.

"You’ll be glad to know that the baby is absolutely fine. It was extremely lucky that not only were you wearing your seatbelt, your car was equipped with airbags," the older woman began. At their looks of dumbfounded amazement, she quickly added, "I know you must be concerned about the sedative we gave you last night, but not to worry—since you were already unconscious it was a relatively small amount." She smiled at Brian, who had lost several shades of color and appeared to be having trouble breathing. "As a fellow doctor, I’m sure you’re aware that women frequently receive larger amounts of meds than that while they’re in labor. And of course, no harm is done. So please, don’t worry. Mother and child are going to be fine."

Honey’s mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. She looked at Brian helplessly.

"Honey’s…pregnant?" he finally managed to gasp. He knew without asking that Honey was just as shocked as he was.

The doctor stared at them both and then shook her head, chuckling softly. "That’s what I get for assuming. Yes, Honey is pregnant. I’d say she’s about seven weeks along, but of course, you’ll need to schedule an appointment with your ob-gyn to know for certain." She spoke for a few more minutes, but neither one of them could understand a word. "I’ll just leave you two alone," she finally decided, backing out of the room with a little smile on her face.

"I’m going to have a baby," Honey murmured, still in profound shock. She looked at her husband askance. "Brian, I didn’t…"

He stopped pacing and sat back down, taking both of her hands in his. "I know you didn’t know," he said, then stopped. There was so much more to say, but he hardly knew where to begin; a million feelings were vying for the top spot.

"I don’t understand how this could have happened," Honey said softly. Brian’s reply made a huge smile creep over her pale face.

"Now Honey, I think we both know how it happened!" he said, brushing her mouth with a gentle kiss.

Honey giggled. "Dork. No, I mean I’m on the pill and I haven’t missed a day," she explained.

"Well, it’s about 95 percent effective. Guess we fell into the other 5 percent." Brian finally picked a feeling and went with it. "Honey, I love you. When I got the call about the accident last night, I thought my whole world had come to an end." He stroked her cheek and went on when he was able. "This…you being pregnant…Honey, I’m not a religious man, but it seems to me that it’s meant to be."

"You’re not…unhappy?" Honey whispered, her whole body trembling. She herself was so happy she could barely keep herself from flying out the window—their child was growing inside of her!

"You’re okay and you’re having my baby. Our baby. Sweetheart, I don’t think there’s a person alive who is happier than I am!" Brian laid his cheek on her stomach and felt his eyes fill. The old fear was still with him, but with it was the unshakable conviction that together, they could handle whatever life had in store for them. If last night had taught him anything, it was to relish every moment and not waste time on wondering what might happen.

Honey began to cry from happiness, burying her fingers into the warm thickness of his hair. "Oh God, we have to call my parents, and your parents, and Trixie and Jim and…" she had listed the entire population of Sleepyside before she finally started giggling from the sheer joy of it all.

Brian had known he’d loved this woman since he was 17 years old, had thought he knew what loving her meant. But as he pressed his lips into the belly that was sheltering their future, he was awed to realize that there was simply no limit to the depth of his feelings for her. That in the whole grand scheme of things, his understanding of love had only just begun.

*     *     *

Trixie had just walked in the front door with Katy when she heard the knock coming from the back door.

"I’ll get it!" Katy hollered, running for the kitchen.

Trixie followed at a more sedate pace, still secretly shaken from the drive home. She had begun to breathe heavily when she saw the Sleepyside off ramp, clenching her hands on the wheel, frustrated that she still didn’t know why. Katy had chattered happily on about her day, which helped a lot.

"Wait for me," she called, then smiled when she spied Neil through the window. She opened the door and greeted him warmly.

"Hi," he said, shyly asking her if she was all right. He’d inadvertently heard Jim and Mart discussing the accident, becoming very upset. Jim tried to reassure him, but seeing how agitated he was, finally suggested that he take a few moments to pay her a quick visit.

"Mommy had a big bump on her head, but now it’s gone," Katy informed him solemnly, leaning her head against Trixie’s hip. Neil could see the faint brownish traces of what must have been an ugly bruise on Trixie’s forehead.

"I’m fine," Trixie reassured him. She dug in the refrigerator until she found Katy her juice box, opening it and settling the little girl at the table. "Want a strawberry pop?" she asked Neil.

Neil couldn’t stop the look of disgust on his face at the suggestion.

Trixie let out a little laugh. "Doesn’t anybody in the world except me like this stuff? Jim says it’s gross and Mart says it isn’t fit for human consumption. Even Katy won’t drink it, will you munchkin?" she finished, ruffling her daughter’s hair.

"Nope. Yucky," Katy said flatly.

Neil accepted a coke instead and they sat down, Trixie happy to hear that he had visited with his mother yesterday. She knew it already, of course, but wanted to hear what the boy had to say.

"That’s really wonderful, Neil. How did it go?" Is she still taking him back? she really wanted to ask, but didn’t.

"Good," he began hesitantly. His mother had been so glad to see him that he was astounded. It had been a long time since she seemed to care about anything. "We talked for a long time and…" he ducked his head a little. "She said she, um, loved me a lot."

Trixie resisted the urge to ruffle his hair, knowing it would offend his 12-year-old boy dignity. "Told ya she did," she teased instead.

"Yeah," he said simply. He took a long drink of soda. "She said that she wants everything to be different for me." His face reddened as he added, "She says that when I get married someday, it won’t be like…her," he finished awkwardly. The visit had ended with her holding him for a long time, Neil hardly daring to breathe or move, not ready to trust the rush of a love he’d thought long gone, but wanting to, very much.

Trixie’s expression spoke volumes. "I am so happy for you. No matter what happens with your mother, I hope you know that you’re loved. It took a lot of courage for her to let you stay." When he nodded seriously, she decided to lighten the mood. "And Neil, you’re going to make some lucky girl a fine husband someday!" she said, her blue eyes twinkling at him. His reply made her heart sink.

"Nobody’s ever going to want to marry a guy like me," Neil said, shrugging as if the idea didn’t really bother him.

"What makes you say that?" Trixie gazed at him steadily, her voice calm.

"Ah, come on. I’ve got nothing. And…and I can’t help thinking that a nice girl wouldn’t want a guy whose own dad…" he broke off, shrugging again, the movement quick and studied.

"What your dad…did is not a reflection on you. It’s a reflection on him. It has nothing to do with who you are, or what you can do. Or be." Trixie laid a hand on his arm and smiled. "Jim had practically the same thing happen to him and look what a great girl he married!" She struck a pose, glad when Neil let out a surprised laugh.

"That’s different."

"Why?"

Neil’s forehead wrinkled in concentration. "Because. Because…well, I’m sure by the time you met him things were a lot different." He wanted to believe that he had good things to look forward to, was, in fact, working on believing it, but it was hard. So hard…

Trixie leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. "When I first met Jim, he was on the run from his stepfather, as I’m sure he’s told you. His only living relative was dying, so he had nowhere to go and nobody to run to. He had little more than the clothes he was wearing." She knew that he wouldn’t mind her telling him this. She stole a glance at Katy and was glad to see that she wasn’t being upset by the seriousness of a discussion that was most likely beyond her three-year-old ken.

"That’s when you met him?" He sounded so incredulous that she almost laughed.

"Yep. As a matter of fact, Honey and I used to sneak him food."

Neil was stunned, the first blossoming of hope causing a warm sensation in his belly. "And did you, um…"

"Love him then? Oh yes, I sure did. I thought he was the most wonderful boy I had ever met." Trixie’s eyes were so soft with remembrance that Neil knew she was telling the truth.

"How’s school?" she asked, sensing that a change of subject was needed.

Neil lit up. "It’s so cool. I never thought I could like school so much." He went on and on, the sun sparkling through the windows, filling up the homey kitchen with a pure light as he spoke. As if eating regularly and having clean clothes to wear weren’t miraculous enough, he was experiencing a level of care that he had never experienced in his short life. He didn’t know that the new sensation he felt had a name, was too young to fully understand that without it, life is only a thin shadow; that without that wonderful something called ‘hope’, you’re aren’t really living at all.

All of Trixie’s anxieties about her memory loss vanished under his youthful enthusiasm. Even Katy listened without interruption, enchanted by the purity of expression that filled Neil’s sensitive face.

"We should put you in a commercial for the school!" she gently teased when he paused for breath.

Neil grinned in embarrassment. "I guess I should get going," he said shyly. Then he started as he remembered something. "Oh! Jim wanted me to ask you if the letter from his parents came today," he said.

Trixie let out an annoyed noise. "Darn it—I was just by the mailbox and I forgot to pick up the mail," she said, shaking her head. Great—now my short-term memory is going down the toilet too, she thought in exasperation.

"I’ll check it for you," Neil offered eagerly, wanting to do something for the woman who had done so much for him.

"Thanks Neil, that’s nice of you," Trixie said. "Do you know where it is?" she asked, referring to the large mailbox at the end of their long driveway.

"Sure," he said, jumping up.

"Can I go too?" Katy asked.

Trixie smiled at the girl who, like her, wanted to be part of everything. "If it’s okay with Neil," she said. At his nod, the little girl put her hand trustingly in his and gave it a tug.

It was such an unusually beautiful day—Trixie left the front door open and took deep grateful breaths of the clean air, her thoughts drifting to baby Sammy. If what she and Honey suspected was true, there was certainly no way he’d have to remain with his mother. And if Mr. Lewis doesn’t want him, I’ll adopt him myself she thought fiercely, not liking the idea of Sammy going off with a man who may or may not have attacked Meggie.

She smiled as she pictured Sammy living in her house. She and Jim hadn’t meant to keep Katy an only child—she had a miscarriage when Katy was a year and a half old, and until recently had been scared to try again. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, ‘these things sometimes happen and we don’t know why’ her doctor had told her, but it still had the power to make her feel sad sometimes. As with her pregnancy with Katy, she fell deeply in love as soon as she knew she was expecting. And love wasn’t something that could be switched off like a lamp you were no longer using.

Trixie shook her head, taking another deep breath and letting the sadness gently slide away. She had her beautiful Katy and a wonderful life. She was, she knew, a very lucky woman.

She would later think that it was pretty ironic that she was thinking about luck at that particular moment. Trixie thought she understood fear, thought she had plumbed its slimy depths, but realized she knew absolutely nothing about it when Katy’s scream of sheer terror split through the afternoon air, startling the nearby roosting birds into panicked flight.

To be continued…

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