As always, many thanks to Kate for her all knowing/all seeing suck-o-meter. Congrats on your new web page, my dear! And to Kyrie, who relentlessly weeds out all my hideous punctuation, grammar, and otherwise sucky sentence structure snafus. Oooh, nice alliteration at the end there! J You ladies rule. "As if you didn’t know that already." *g*

--Dave Matthews

There was no other explanation: Jim Frayne was in torment. When the glowing dial of his clock radio showed 2:30 am, he decided to quit pretending that sleep was an option. Sighing, he heaved out of bed and padded downstairs, entering the dark, silent kitchen and almost tripping over a slumbering Patch on his way to the refrigerator.

Luckily, Patch recognized the scent of his owner and merely wagged his tail, trailing after Jim hopefully, grinning a doggy grin until Jim tossed him a piece of turkey.

Pouring himself a glass of milk, he sat at the kitchen table and stared into space, his fingers tapping out a steady tattoo. He drank the milk without really tasting it, feeling Patch settle onto his feet, and wondered. If Trixie hadn’t have been so worried and upset, would she have kissed him back?

*     *     *

--Six Pence None the Richer

 

"What are you doing up?"

Trixie jumped at the sound of her younger brother’s voice, the focus coming back into her eyes as she looked at the youngest Belden, his curls askew from sleep making him a slightly comical figure. "You startled me!" she exclaimed softly.

"Sorry," he said, shuffling over to the refrigerator and peering inside. He shut it with a sigh and looked at his sister.

"What’s wrong, sweetie?" she asked. He looked at her uncertainly.

"I don’t know. I mean, Moms is okay. Everything’s fine now. How come I still feel scared?"

Trixie patted the chair next to her and waited for him to sit before replying. "Don’t be scared, Bobby. It’s okay."

Bobby bit his lip. "Yeah, right now. But what if…" He didn’t finish the sentence because he didn’t really know how. The past month had been like one long nightmare. He’d spent most of it at the Lynchs’ house with his two best friends Terry and Larry because he only felt in the way at home. Seemed like everybody knew what to do except him.

Trixie sighed. "Oh Bobby, don’t think about it."

"I can’t help it," he mumbled, staring at the table.

Trixie looked at her younger brother, her face softening as she thought about what the past month must have been like for him. She was ashamed to realize that she’d been relieved he spent so much time with his friends—relieved because that way he wouldn’t have to be around the sadness. But she’d been wrong—obviously he had felt more than the Beldens had realized. "Bobby, have you been scared to be here at home?" she asked gently.

Bobby nodded, his lips starting to quiver. "Yeah," he said simply.

Trixie leaned forward and hugged him. "It’s all right, sweetie. We were glad you didn’t have to be around it so much. Moms was happy that you were having fun with your friends."

"She was?" Bobby said, his voice teary.

"Sure she was," Trixie affirmed, patting his back.

"I don’t want Moms to get sick again," he continued, laying his head on his sister’s shoulder.

"Of course you don’t. Neither do I. But Bobby, we can’t think about that. It won’t do any good to worry." Trixie’s voice was sorrowful as she realized that never again could Bobby think that Moms and Dad would live forever. She remembered when she first understood they were mortal and shivered slightly in understanding.

Bobby just wanted everything to be like it was before. "Why do bad things happen?" he asked sadly.

"Oh Bobby, I don’t know," Trixie sighed as she continued to hug him. "I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I don’t. Go back to bed. Everything is going to be okay."

Bobby slowly got up from the table. "Okay, Trix. Night," he mumbled before walking away.

Trixie stared into space, idly twisting a curl around her index finger. She’d tossed and turned for hours after going to bed, so happy that moms was going to be okay that she could hardly stand it, her heart feeling as if it would simply burst out of her chest. But after awhile, a new thought gently intruded until she found herself consumed with it.

She felt Reddy settle onto her feet and reached down, gently stoking his warm, silky fur. "Don’t fall in love, Reddy. It really makes life difficult," she said aloud, scratching behind his ears while he whined happily. She gazed at the copper pots hanging over the stove and wondered. Did Jim really kiss her because he’d wanted to for a long time? Or did he just feel sorry for her because her mother was so sick?

*     *     *

"Trix, it’s for you!" Mart hollered, impatiently tapping his foot until his sister ran into the kitchen. He handed Trixie the phone without further comment, pushing his way out the backdoor without a backward glance. He had a day planned that contained two of his most favorite things—Diana and a picnic basket full of food, and he didn’t want to wait another minute.

"Hello?"

"Hey Trix, it’s Nick…"

*     *     *

Reddy gave out a welcoming bark and wasted no time trotting up first to Patch, who he enthusiastically sniffed, and then to Jim, who was mercifully spared. After shamelessly nudging his head along Jim’s hand for a few ear scratches, he and Patch took off for a day of romping.

Okay, Frayne, time to do what you set out to do a month ago, Jim thought as each step took him closer and closer to the back door. He smiled when he heard Trixie’s voice, his hand reaching for the handle on the screen door.

"…that’s so great, Nick." There was a pause. "I love you too…."

Jim jerked his hand back from the door as if he’d been burned, a sick feeling spreading from his stomach down to his toes. He instinctively took a few steps back, tripping over one of Reddy’s toys, a soccer ball mangled beyond all recognition, and let out a grunt as he landed on the ground with a thud. He sprang to his feet, knowing his face matched his hair.

"Hold on, Nick, I just heard something…"

Jim didn’t wait to hear anymore. So by the time Trixie poked a curious head out the door, he was gone.

Trixie frowned as she picked up the phone again. "I’m back," she said slowly.

"Don’t tell me. Let me guess. It was another bogus census taker!" Nick’s voice held a note of teasing.

A ghost of a smile flitted over her face. "Don’t know, but…"

"What?"

Trixie blew out a stream of breath. "I thought I heard Jim, but there wasn’t anybody there." She sighed again. "Honestly Nick, I don’t think I can take anymore of this—now I’m reduced to imagining the sound of Jim’s voice." Her smile returned and lingered this time. "I’m glad one of us is happy at least."

"Hey, can’t you even pretend to be jealous?" Nick said, feeling a tiny pang in spite of everything. He supposed there would always be a tiny section of his heart marked: ‘Off Limits: Property of Trixie Belden’. But he had to admit there was a part of him that wanted a certain reaction when he told Trixie he was seeing somebody.

Trixie leaned against the counter. "You know, there’s a part of me that is, kind of. Jealous, I mean." She hesitated and rushed on. "I was so glad to hear you say that you loved me as a friend. Knowing I disappointed you was the worst thing…"

"Trixie, you never disappointed me. And as your friend, can I tell you that if Jim doesn’t ask you out or something, he’s even dumber than I thought?"

Trixie let out a started laugh. "Sure you can tell me!" she said.

Nick smiled and wondered if Jim had received his little ‘surprise’ yet. He’d spent a long time debating over whether or not to send it, but the worry in Trixie’s voice when he spoke to her the day before had decided the issue. If it helped her get what she needed, all the better.

*     *     *

--Split Enz

 

--Peter Gabriel

"Jim, there’s a Fed Ex package for you. I put it on the table by the door," Celia said, sitting at the kitchen table with her cup of coffee. Her smile turned into a puzzled frown as Jim barely nodded in acknowledgement as he sped by her.

Jim wasn’t going to bother, but the sight of the large, square Fed Ex box intrigued him in spite of himself and he swooped it up before heading upstairs to his room. Once there, he closed the door softly behind him. I love you too…

Jim eyed his desk chair, almost giving into the urge to pick it up and hurl it through the window. Imagine that…a girl liking when a guy openly tells her how he feels about her and actually does something about it…

"Damn it. Damn it," Jim said through gritted teeth. If there was any doubt before, it was gone now. He loved Trixie. He loved her with all his heart—hearing her tell Nick Roberts that she loved him felt like a drive by shooting.

He sat on his bed and immediately stood up again, restless, starting as the edge of the Fed Ex box hit his knee. He glanced down and remembered he was still holding the mysterious package. His face tightened as he looked at the waybill—seeing the name was like staring into the barrel of a gun.

"What could this be?" he wondered aloud as he tore it open, pulling out a large sheet of drawing paper. A smaller piece of paper fluttered onto the floor but he barely acknowledged it, so arrested was he by the face staring back at him. It was a face full of longing, sadness and even love; every pencil line reaching into his soul and echoing the anguish that was spilling out and over him.

He didn’t need to look at the bottom corner to know who’d drawn it. She’d sat for this picture, wearing her tender heart like a banner. The kiss had been a skip in her routine, a distraction from the hideous worry of her mother’s illness, it couldn’t have meant anything…

Jim could no longer look at the precious face so he let his gaze drop to the floor, frowning slightly at the single sheet of pale blue letter paper lying at his feet. He picked it up with unsteady hands and began to read.

 

Jim,

SHE WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.

Nick Roberts

 

That was all. Jim read it three more times, his heart pounding so hard he feared he would faint. A slow grin began to form and his laugh held an edge of hysteria. He stared at the picture again, then the letter, sinking down onto his desk chair. He knew he should do something, but all he could do was grin like a damned idiot and stare out the window towards Crabapple Farm.

What I mean is you dump Mr. Jock, I lose rah rah rah and you start going out with me…

Jim again heard the sound of Nick Roberts asking Trixie out that first time, his stomach clenching in remembered pain. It could indeed be that easy, and if Nick was telling the truth…Jim stared at the picture in awe. Nick had no reason to lie. In fact, the young artist had given him an amazing gift, and Jim felt ashamed for all the times he’d wished he would disappear from the face of the earth.

"Thank you," he said out loud, reaching for the extension on his desk. If Nick could make the grandest gesture of them all, the least he could do was stop hiding and take some action.

Why don’t you admit you have feelings for her? Honey’s admonishment again gently whispered in his mind as he picked up the receiver.

"Good question, Sis." Jim started to punch in the familiar number.

Why don’t you just ask my sister out and have done with it?

"Okay Brian, whatever you say!" The phone was ringing and when Trixie answered it, Jim blurted, "Meet me at the clubhouse" before he lost his nerve, forgetting in his excitement to say goodbye or wait to hear if she would.

He rushed downstairs and into the early afternoon, feeling like he’d just discovered the cure for every illness known to man, the anticipation so acute it hurt. Instead of going directly to the clubhouse, Jim veered into the preserve, needing a moment to collect himself. This time he wasn’t about to let her get away. What he said had to be perfect. He saw Dan in the distance adding some feed to one of the feeding stations and waved at him.

Dan loped over, slightly out of breath. "Hey! I’m almost done here. Do you want to go riding? Maybe crash Mart and Di’s picnic?"

Jim debated about telling him, then finally decided he needed some feedback. "I…uh, I’m meeting Trixie at the clubhouse."

"And…?" Dan prompted when Jim momentarily faltered.

Jim gave out a little laugh. "And I’ve thought about what you said to me at Wimpy’s so many times. That girls like it when you just come right out and tell them how you, uh, like them. So, well, I’m asking Trixie out. On a date. With me," he added unnecessarily.

Dan almost laughed aloud at the way Jim faltered as he tried to explain himself. Jim was usually so sure about everything all the time that it was kind of cool to see him hesitant for once. But this was his friend, and Dan was glad Jim was finally coming to his senses. "Cool. ‘Bout time," he said, giving him one of his ‘good buddy’ slaps on the shoulder.

Jim smiled weakly. "About time. Yeah. Hey, uh, how do I look?"

Dan looked at him in disbelief. "What? How the hell should I know?"

Jim’s hands twitched at his shirt then dropped to his sides. "Come on, I’m nervous. How do I look?"

Dan regarded him for a long time, tilting his head a bit to the side, then straightening it again. "Tall," he finally said, giving a shrug.

"You’re a big help," Jim muttered. "Anyway…" he sighed and started to head for the clubhouse.

"Good luck!" Dan called after him, grinning. How do I look? Geez! Dan thought, returning to Mr. Maypenny’s cabin.

It suddenly occurred to Jim that he didn’t even know if Trixie had said that she would meet him, and it was with great relief that he saw her sitting at the table when he opened the door.

"Hi," he said lamely, suddenly feeling as if he were a balloon with all the air let out. God, what if she said no?

"Hi," she said, so shyly that he felt his heart swell.

She was thinking about you…

"Yeah. Uh…see, the thing is…well, would you like to go to dinner sometime? Just the two of us?" The last part of the sentence came out in a rush.

Trixie’s eyes widened and she was unable to speak at first. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.

Jim’s heart fell into his shoes only to shoot up into his throat when she finally replied.

"Um…yes, I would," she blurted. Her voice sounded strange to her, but she gamely pressed on. "You mean, like a date?" As soon as the words left her lips she winced at their childishness. Of course he meant like a date, dummy. What do you think ‘just the two of us means?’ She was relieved when he smiled at her.

"Yes, schoolgirl shamus, just like a date!" They both laughed.

Trixie felt as if her insides were swelling with happiness, but the same nagging question that had disturbed her sleep rose up in her again.

"What is it?" Jim asked, easily reading from her expression that something was bothering her.

"I need to ask you something," Trixie said. She wished her heart would make up its mind whether or not to stay lodged in her throat or fall into her stomach. She took a deep breath and prayed for courage. "Did you…did you, um, kiss me because you felt sorry for me? You know, because I was so upset about Moms? Or…" Her heart finally made up its mind, and Trixie found herself unable to continue talking around the enormous lump in her throat.

Jim could hardly believe what he was hearing. She thought he felt sorry for her? There was no way he could let her go on thinking such a thing. It was so far from the truth as to be completely ridiculous. "No. God no," he said firmly. It was time to stop hiding. "I meant what I said. I’d wanted to do that for a long, long time."

"Then why didn’t you?" Trixie blurted, then turned beet red. God, she was such an idiot. Why couldn’t she be more like Diana; cool and confident when it came to talking to boys? She was relieved when Jim laughed.

"Because I am a stupid, stupid man!" he said, taking her hand. He hesitated. "Does that mean you wanted me to?" he asked shyly.

Trixie couldn’t believe it. How could he not have known that she wanted him? This was turning her world upside down. If he wanted to kiss her for a long time, but didn’t; if he didn’t know she wanted him to, what did this mean? Trixie’s mind whirled in so many directions she almost couldn’t see. "Yes. For a long time," she finally answered.

"How long?"

A gentle smile curved her lips. "Ever since you told me that your mother never knew how much you and Jonesy hated each other," she admitted. This much, she knew.

The bottom fell out of his being as the meaning of her words filled him. "B-but I told you that, what, twenty seconds after I met you?"

"Exactly." When Jim continued to stare at her in disbelief, she added simply, "Jim, it’s always been you. Always. Always." She dropped his hand and began to pace, the words tumbling out of her, words she had held in so long they were like lava spewing out of a volcano.

"I can’t believe you didn’t know that. Do you want to know the real reason I didn’t come to your goodbye party? I…I didn’t come because…because I couldn’t bear your going away. Even if you are just an hour away on the train. I couldn’t stand knowing that you were leaving and that we’d never been out on a real date, just the two of us, and now you were going to be surrounded by all these girls who are older than me. I just couldn’t handle it," she admitted, her eyes filling up with tears. Oh God, don’t tell me I’m going to cry. Please. Not that! She glanced at the door and gave the idea of bolting serious consideration, but instead stopped in front of him. For better or for worse, it was time to get this all out in the open.

He took a lock of her hair in his fingers and lifted it from her shoulder, his thumb rubbing gently over the silky curl. Trixie’s knees suddenly weakened, the tender, worshipful gesture taking her by surprise. "Trixie, I had no idea you felt that way. Your letter…"

Trixie flushed when she remembered some of the drafts of that letter. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!

"It was so…when I read that letter, I thought you only liked me as a friend," Jim said quietly.

Trixie tried to explain. "I know. But when I called you and heard that woman, I was…well, I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you were seeing other people," Trixie said, her stomach clenching as she remembered how hearing that lovely voice felt.

Jim was puzzled. "Trix, I only started seeing other people after I got that letter. When I didn’t think you liked me in…in that way."

"But, I heard…then who was she?"

Jim shook his head. "I don’t know…oh my God! I don’t believe this. I do not believe this." Jim almost laughed except that it really wasn’t funny. God really does have a sick sense of humor sometimes, he couldn’t help thinking.

"You hear the manager of the building on my phone and think I’m dating her and then you write a letter that just about kills me! Trix, she’s married and in her forties! She was changing the battery on my smoke alarm!"

Trixie gasped. "Oh! Oh no. Oh I don’t…" Trixie simply could not find the words and began half laughing, half crying; her chest heaving from the force of her emotions. She had driven him away. He had dated other people all because of her. It was just unbearable. "I’m such an idiot!" she finally cried, clenching her fists.

Jim wasn’t about to let her go there by herself. "If you’re an idiot, I’m an even bigger one. If I had done more before I left…but I let the whole summer go by without…without telling you how I felt. So of course, you leapt to that conclusion." He enveloped her hands with his warm fingers.

"How did you feel?" For her it was the million-dollar question, but Trixie couldn’t believe she’d actually gotten up the nerve to ask it.

"The same way I’ve always felt. That you’re my special girl. It’s always been you, too." As soon as the words left his lips his whole world clicked into place, and he wondered how he ever could have thought that not telling her was the right thing to do.

"Trixie, it isn’t just dinner...that is to say, I was wondering if you…oh god, I’m just not good at this!" Jim looked down into Trixie’s wondering eyes and felt like his heart was replaced with a gigantic, melting marshmallow. "Trixie, I was hoping that you’d agree to be my…be my girlfriend." He touched her face, letting his fingertips slide possessively down her flushed cheek.

Trixie grew so still he was almost frightened before she blurted, "Any second Bobby is going to come barreling into my room and ruin one of the best dreams I’ve ever had!"

And with that, he knew that she loved him and he loved her back. And that something was being returned to him that had been gone for a long, long time, keeping a part of him away as well. "I love you, Trixie. I always have," he said, his voice low with tenderness.

When she said his name, it was as if no one had ever said it before. They kissed; not impulsively, as before, but with deep, sure love and hunger for each other until they were both trembling from the force of it.

Trixie had wondered how she could respond to Nick’s kisses while being in love with Jim. And now she knew a fundamental truth. Kissing somebody you’re in love with is an entirely different matter. With Nick, only her body was involved. With Jim, it was as if her entire being was flowing away from her, only to come back re-written in a new language that only the two of them could understand. It was a little scary, but it was Heaven. Trixie could hardly believe she was finally here.

"Whoa," Jim finally said, not meaning stop, but rather wow, oh my god, I don’t believe it. He had been with others and felt nothing, and now he felt everything. It was terrifying and wonderful, and he thanked his lucky stars it was Trixie. Trixie, who had always been there for him. Who had snuck him in her house when he was hiding from his stepfather so he could use the shower and change into clean clothes. Trixie, who had come after him when he ran away that second time, saving him from a life of certain loneliness. He didn’t know where and he didn’t know when, and it was probably dumb of him to be thinking of it when they hadn’t even gone on their first date yet and Trixie was only sixteen years old, but he knew the day would come when this girl, this special girl he loved, would become his wife.

"Say the words," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you, Jim." She couldn’t believe she was finally saying the words she had thought so many times, the words that were so much a part of her that not saying them had been akin to subtraction of the soul.

"Again," he said huskily.

"I love you," she repeated.

They swayed together in silence for a moment, never wanting the moment to end.

"I’ve changed my mind," Trixie murmured, leaning her head against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat thumping under her cheek and it made her suddenly feel weak.

"About what?" Jim asked, his heart suddenly in his mouth.

"About me being an idiot. YOU are the idiot. We could have been doing this for a long time!" Trixie grinned up at him, her eyes shining.

"Okay, I’m an idiot and you’re always right. How’s that?" Jim asked teasingly.

"I think we’re going to get along just fine," Trixie said, rising on tiptoe and kissing him again. And again.

"And then what happened?" Honey said, bouncing on Trixie’s bed in her excitement. Even though it was a Sunday night, she’d gotten special permission to spend the night.

Trixie smiled at her best friend. "He asked me to be his girlfriend," she said softly, a tender grin curving her generous lower lip.

The two girls stared at each other for a moment then let out simultaneous whoops, grabbing each other’s upper arms and completely wrecking the neat bedspread in their loud joy.

"Oh Trix!" Honey squealed, so happy for her friend she could hardly stand it. "This is so great! Now we can double date and everything!" Her voice was so enthusiastic that the two girls burst into happy laughter.

"Th-there’s only one th-thing," Trixie finally managed to stutter between laughs.

"What?" Honey asked, curious.

Trixie felt her laughter abruptly die away and a deep regret take its place. "Remember the bracelet Jim gave me after our adventures in Iowa?" She closed her eyes as the memory of that day filled her. Jim had called her his special girl and she felt as if she could fly home to Sleepyside without the plane they were sitting in.

"Yes," Honey said, giving her an odd look.

"I…well…I was really upset when Moms first got sick, and I thought Jim didn’t care." Trixie stood up and walked over to her dresser, staring unseeing into her jewelry box. "I was so angry at him, Honey. I…I took the bracelet and I went downstairs…." Trixie’s throat choked up. She hadn’t told Jim about what she’d done yet.

"And…?" Honey prompted, impatiently for her.

"Oh Honey! I threw it away!" Trixie wailed, unable to look at her.

Honey gasped before she could stop herself. "Oh no! You didn’t!" she murmured.

Trixie turned a stricken face to her. "I did," she said miserably. "How will I ever tell him?"

"You don’t have to," Mrs. Belden said, poking her scarved head into the room. Her blue eyes, so exactly like Trixie’s, twinkled. "I knocked, but I guess you didn’t hear me," she continued, walking the rest of the way into the room.

"Oh, Moms, of course I do. He’ll wonder why I’m not wearing it now of all times!" Trixie said, her voice anguished.

Helen Belden smiled at the desperate tone, remembering how vivid life had seemed at age sixteen. "Let me tell you girls a little story," she began, sitting on the other twin bed and smoothing the unbleached muslim spread she had made herself, so long ago. "One night, I was very worried about what was going to happen to me, to my family. I couldn’t sleep and I thought I might as well make myself useful. I came downstairs and into the kitchen, wondering if a certain curly headed blonde had remembered it was her turn to take out the garbage." She interrupted her tale long enough to smile lovingly at Trixie before going on. "I opened the door under the sink and lo and behold! A full can appeared before my eyes. I picked it up and took it outside to empty into the garbage can."

Trixie felt her pulse flutter suddenly as the hope filled her. "Moms?" she said questionably.

Her mother nodded at her. "To my surprise, I saw something that didn’t belong. Something that shouldn’t be thrown away or discarded. I thought to myself that a certain girl was angry and upset, but someday, she wouldn’t be, and she would deeply regret what she had done."

"Oh Moms!" Trixie said, her eyes shining as her mother reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a bundle wrapped in a handkerchief. The two girls sighed as Helen Belden opened the monogrammed cloth to reveal a silver i.d. bracelet twinkling in the light from Trixie’s lamp.

"Mrs. Belden, you are so cool," Honey said rapturously, causing Helen to let out a happy laugh.

"Yes I am!" she said, rising from the bed. She walked up to her daughter, who held out her arm so her mother could fasten the bracelet around her wrist. "There!" she said, giving it a little pat. She looked into her daughter’s eyes. "Always remember two things, baby. Number one, things are not always how they appear. And number two, you NEVER throw jewelry away!" She brushed Trixie’s forehead with a soft kiss. "Don’t stay up too late, girls," she said.

"We won’t," they promised as Mrs. Belden left the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Later, when Trixie snuggled under the covers, she tucked her right hand under her pillow, smiling when she felt the bump of metal on her cheek through the pillowslip. "I’m such a lucky girl," she murmured to herself before drifting off to sleep, grateful for her friends, her family, and her mother who loved her so much she rescued her dreams for her.

One month later

--Sade

It was that time of year when fall starts losing its battle with winter, the air sharper, the days shorter. But winter brings its own raw beauty, the changing seasons remindful that life is ever changing, never static, fluid.

The Bob-White station wagon was making good time. Jim took the I-490 exit and said, "It’s not much further now."

"I don’t know how you keep all these interstates straight. This has got to be the fifth one we’ve gotten on," Trixie replied

"Sixth and last," Jim said, glancing sideways at her. He was glad she was there.

They drove on in comfortable silence, Trixie humming along with the song on the radio. "I’m glad Moms and Dad let me come," she commented, looking at Jim’s profile, secretly enjoying the line of his jaw.

Jim grinned. "Your mom was all for it. Your dad didn’t say anything, but he gave me this look."

Trixie laughed. She knew that look. "He’s just looking out for my best interests!" she teased. A daughter’s first serious boyfriend is not an easy rite-of-passage for any father, but Mr. Belden was doing his best.

"If I had a daughter that looked like you, I’d do more than give some guy a look. I’ll tell you that!" Jim teased back. He was amazed that he could feel so happy, especially considering where they were headed. The day he had feared and dreaded was turning out to be the most natural thing in the world.

Trixie blushed; she loved how special Jim made her feel. "I guess my dad’s just more evolved than you are!" she said, scooting closer so that her leg brushed up against Jim’s.

"Here we are," Jim said, taking a deep breath as he turned the car into a parking lot. Trixie squeezed his hand reassuringly. They got out of the car and walked into the little office. After obtaining a map and buying a potted plant, they made their way down the path, searching.

Trixie’s sharp eyes spotted it first. "There," she said softly. The pair stopped, and Jim set the plant down carefully. "Katje Vanderheiden Frayne," Trixie read aloud. She was glad that Jonesy’s name was not there.

"That was the one battle I ever won with Jonesy," Jim said as if reading her mind. "There was no way I was going to let that man’s name be on my mother’s gravestone. It’s the one time in my life I was glad he was so cheap. It would have cost to add his name," Jim’s mouth twisted in disgust. "My parents paid for these plots long before she ever met him," he explained.

Trixie shook her head; it never ceased to amaze her what a hideous excuse of a human being Jim’s stepfather was.

"I was so afraid to come here. I’m not sure why," Jim said, staring at the grave thoughtfully. He took a deep breath. "I’m glad I did." A feeling of peace, of closure, washed through him. He could think of his mother without the accompanying stab of pain. "I should have done this long ago."

"You weren’t ready then," Trixie said simply. They stood there for a long time, sharing a comfortable silence, their hands entwined. The wind picked up, whistling mournfully through the trees. Trixie shivered, wondering why wind always seems colder in a graveyard than anywhere else.

Jim smiled and let go of her hand so he could put his arm around her. "Cold?" he asked.

"Just a little. We don’t have to leave yet," she added as Jim started leading her away.

"I’ve done what I wanted to do, Trixie. I wanted my mom to meet my special girl." They continued walking until they were again in the parking lot.

"Show me where you grew up, Jim. Show me everything," Trixie said, longing to know everything about the tall man walking besides her. She had never felt closer to him than she did right then.

Jim grinned at her. "Hoping to find some mysterious checkered past, huh?" he joked, secretly pleased by her interest.

"Yeah, things have gotten pretty quiet lately. You know I can’t handle not having a mystery to investigate. I get cranky!" Trixie sparred.

Jim opened the car door with a flourish. "All right schoolgirl shamus, I’ll see what I can dig up for you," he said, kissing her on the cheek as she got in.

The wind died down with a sigh, the air at once warmer. Fall’s making a comeback! Jim thought as he walked to his side, suddenly whistling. He smiled at Trixie, turning up the radio when he realized that one of his favorite songs was playing. It never failed to make him think of her.

The End

Author’s notes:

"Crash Into Me" - Lyrics & Music by Dave Matthews

"Kiss Me" - Lyrics & music by Matt Slocum, performed by Six Pence None the Richer

"Message to My Girl" - Lyrics & Music by Neil Finn, performed by The Split Enz

"In Your Eyes" – Lyrics & Music by Peter Gabriel

"Kiss of Life" – Lyrics & Music by Sade Adu, Stewart Matthewman, Andrew Hale, and Paul Denman; performed by Sade.

"Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" – Lyrics & Music by Sting; performed by The Police