Chapter 29
"What do you think you're doing?"
Trixie jumped and dropped the load of wood she was carrying. She turned to see Jim standing at the top of the path glaring fiercely down at her. Hmm, fierce was good, she thought, though she wasn't sure why. She answered in an exaggeratedly demure voice.
"Carrying wood."
She stooped to pick up the logs scatter all around the path and Jim's glare intensified. He took her by the elbow and guided her rather roughly to the low bench next to their campfire site. "Sit down," he snarled from his knees, scrambling to pick the firewood off the snow. "Don't you have any brains, Trixie? You have eight stitches in that hand, why are you carrying anything, much less a big heavy load of dirty wood?"
"That was two days ago, Jim." Trixie pointed out, now feeling a little annoyed. Since when did kisses on her wrist turn to fraternal comments about being brainless?
"I feel fine. I'm ready for a party and I want to help set up for it."
He heard the edge in her voice and stopped arranging the firewood and came over to her. He sat down next to her on the bench and muttered, "I'm sorry, Trixie." That was fine, but why did he just sit there glaring at the wood as if he could ignite it with the fire in his eyes?
She waited, but he just sat there, his breath hovering in the cold air by the Wheelers' frozen lake. It had been Honey's idea to have a skating party to celebrate. The old boathouse had been weatherproofed several years ago and the Wheeler staff had already set up what Mart had called a repast of Herculean proportions within. Bob, Amelia and Jerry Lynch, Moms and Dad, Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler, Di, Mart, Brian and Honey, Dan and Jennifer, The Lynches would all be there soon. Rosita and Heather, Mrs. Korbes, Mr. Kruptke, Ed Duggat, Tempest, and his father had all accepted the invitation as well.
She pulled her glove off and surveyed the bandage and gauze Brian had replaced this morning She flexed it cautiously and there was almost no pain. She had told the truth, it really was all right. Of course Brian checked it every day, and she knew, even before he told her, that she was lucky not to have had damage to any tendons.
She sighed, her breath coming out in a long cloudy stream. They had all been lucky. She shivered a little. Julie was under arrest, and just as she had predicted, she probably would be committed instead of incarcerated. Remembering her wild laughter, Trixie knew that was probably the most just outcome, but she could still see her tormenting Tempest and it made her clench her healthy fist suddenly and feel that 20 years on bread and water was too good for her.
Jim got up and started placing kindling under the pyramid of firewood with as much care as if the fate of the free world depended on the placement of each twig. Trixie watched his strong hands working while she reflected on the last couple of days.
She hadn't seen Tempest since his father arrived amidst all the chaos at the rink. He'd given his story to the police, then had given some interviews to the press until Tempest's dad had put his foot down and taken him back to the Glen Road Inn. She'd called several times, but Tempest had been asleep each time she'd called. His father, who seemed as nice as his son, assured her Tempest was fine, just needed rest. She couldn't help wondering, however, if Tempest was avoiding her. Well, Mart said he'd called and said he would love to come to the party, so she would see for herself that he was all right. A little shiver, not unpleasant, ran down her spine.
"It should be a good party," she said to Jim's back. He grunted. She narrowed her eyes and continued chattering, "It will be good to relax. I brought my skates, too. Won't it be great to be on the ice for fun? I realized today that I’ve been on the ice at Skate Connection three times since I got home and it was always some big emergency! I want to skate!"
Jim silently lit the kindling and it must have been the flickering light from the flames that made his face look so grim. Or was it? What was with him anyway? "Don't you want to skate? Of course Tempest and Amelia skate so beautifully, I'm going to embarrass myself, but I don't care. It will still be fun."
He threw a pine cone into the fire with more force than was strictly necessary, but remained silent. He usually seemed at peace outdoors, but today he looked nervous, or maybe irritated. A far cry from his gentle actions two days ago. Well, fine if he wanted to be irritated, she knew how to irritate him. She stood and started picking up more wood for the fire. As she expected, he turned on her roundly.
"Trixie Belden, you can either sit down and watch or go back home till the guests arrive. You've got no business being out here in the cold."
"Oh for heaven's sake Jim Frayne, what has got into you? Since when have you ever treated me like a crystal vase? I feel fine, Brian says I'm fine, and you know it!" She was yelling at him. That was a surprise, but it felt good, so she continued bellowing, "If there's something bothering you, why don't you have the guts to tell me what it is?"
Jim looked stunned, then stricken, so stricken, Trixie was instantly sorry. She put her hand out and said quietly, "Me and my big mouth, Jim, I guess I never change, do I? I am so sorry."
Jim seemed to be running the gamut of emotions this afternoon, because the temper was back in his eyes and he swore long and loud. It was Trixie's turn to be stunned. Jim never swore, never. It was against the rules of Catskills Academy and he made sure he never set a bad example to his students.
"Jim?" she said uncertainly.
He took her hands in his and said, "Dammit, I can't believe this is so hard for me!" His searched hers and he continued almost frantically. "Four years, I have wasted four years being stupid, being gutless. I always felt so close to you Trix, and then in one stupid move I ruined it all."
Her heart in her throat, she waited, barely breathing.
He swallowed and continued. "Oh Trixie, can you ever forgive me? I'll never forgive myself, I still wake up at night sometimes knowing what I did. And then making it worse by keeping quiet. I swear to you, I just thought you needed time, I thought you wanted to put it all behind you. When I finally realized I was just hiding behind that excuse, it was too late."
She was shocked by the agony in his eyes. "Are you... Are you talking about Jason?" she managed to whisper.
"Dammit, yes, I am talking about Jason, and what I did to him, and what I did to you by not trusting you. How could I have been so stupid? Tempest said he would have done the same thing, but you know what?"
Jim's hands were on her shoulders now and he gave her a little shake and his voice thundered "He wouldn't have! I saw him yesterday, he wanted to rush in and kill Julie, save you, but he didn't, because he knew you could do it, he knew you could handle it. He's known you for less than two weeks and he saw that in you."
Her knees felt very weak and she sat down abruptly. "Jim, I think I am the stupid one here because I don't understand. Jason... Tempest. Please tell me what is upsetting you. I don't understand."
A thought crawled across her mind that Jim was jealous of Tempest, immediately followed by the thought that maybe he should be. Her thoughts the last two days had been evenly divided between the two men. The memory of being safe in Jim's arms would collide with worry about Tempest. She shied away from these exceedingly unwelcome thoughts and forced herself to speak rationally."What are you trying to say Jim Frayne?"
His anger seemed to be spent. His words were oddly formal. "What I am trying to say... what I should have said four years ago, is that I owe you an apology. It is my fault Jason was almost killed. It is my fault you changed your mind about being a detective after you'd dreamed about it for years."
She tried to deny it, but he interrupted her, having no mercy on himself, "I have known you for years, I know you are smart and strong and you know how to get out of sticky situations. When I broke down that door, I consigned Jason to a living death and forced you into a career, I knew all along you didn't want."
He was speaking in strange, metallic voice. "All I ever wanted was for you to be safe, Trixie. When I think of the times I have been so scared for you, that time in New York when you almost got your throat cut, that time in St. Louis when you were kidnapped by Lontard... Oh God, when you decided to be a teacher it was like the answers to my prayers. I was so selfish, I figured, I could just relax, you would be safe, maybe not happy, but you'd be safe."
Her breath was fluttering in shock, but she managed, "I was happy, I really was, I loved my classes. I needed that time, Jim, honest. And it wasn't your fault, what happened to Jason." She put her hand, the injured hand on his cheek, then drew it down gently to cover his scar.
"Jason did this to you, Jim. I did need time to realize, it was Jason who was responsible, not me."
He looked astounded. "You! What are you talking about? You saved my life."
She suddenly noticed the cold. The intensity of her emotions combined with the cold was causing her to shake deep inside her stomach She was pleased that her words were steady, but she moved closer to the fire.
"Maybe. But I didn't do anything to save him, no first aid at all. I thought you couldn't forgive that..."
His mouth opened to protest and she covered it with her hand. "Stop. I know, I know, there was nothing I could do for Jason. You were bleeding, I did the right thing, but," she laughed raggedly, "you were right, I needed four years to figure that out."
A pine cone snapped loudly, sending sparks flying, waking them both up. They stood side by side, looking into the flames and after a minute, Trixie asked,
"Do you believe we've punished ourselves enough?"
"I do." Jim's voice was husky and he asked her, "And do you believe we can move on from this?"
"I do." Trixie felt like she was taking a vow. "Let's move on."
Jim turned again toward her, about to say something and suddenly Trixie realized she had a confession to make. "Honey wanted to make it a surprise, why we are having this party."
"Surprise? It's a Christmas party, right? The party after the ice show was kind of a drag. And to celebrate that Skate Connection will stay open and that all the elite skaters are staying."
Trixie swallowed. "Well, no, not really, I mean, it's that too, but it's also to celebrate that she has a new employee at the agency. Me. Well, at least come May, when I graduate."
He was silent and she searched his profile for clues to how he felt. Disappointed, back to worrying about her safety, angry to be losing her as a teacher?
Then a smile, the first smile she had seen on his face since this whole conversation began, broke out like sunlight coming from behind the clouds. He leaned down to her.
"That is indeed an occasion to celebrate, Ms. Trixie Belden."
"Heather says we're early, but we're not are we?" The bright childish voice behind them was accompanied by the sound of little boots crunching though the snow. Rosita was running down the path toward them and the lakeshore.
"Rosita, come back here..." Heather's voice sounded exasperated and embarrassed as she apologized, "I am so sorry, we got here early, Rosita loves skating outdoors, we left early, I thought we would have a hard time finding it. "
Trixie felt a blush on her face, it must have been obvious that she and Jim were having an intense conversation. Would he have kissed her? She thought, touching her lips, that he would have. What a relief that he was happy with her decision. Rosita was hopping up and down in excitement.
"Are you ready to skate, Rosita?” Trixie asked, smiling understandingly at Heather. Maybe you can teach me, I used to skate a long time ago, but I bet I'll be on my rear end as soon as I step out there." As Rosita grabbed her by the hand, she looked over her shoulder at Jim. He was feeding the flames again, but looked up and winked at her. Trixie felt so lighthearted she could float. Her life was back on track.
To Be Continued