Learning to Live Again
Part II
"Tweedles - why did I get myself involved in this social function?" Mart sighed to the mules as he hitched them to the wagon for the second day in a row. He didn't want to spend Halloween evening judging a pumpkin carving contest in the backwoods of Missouri. He was pretty sure he'd be able to get the horror movie marathon that was being shown on satellite.
He looked Tweedledee square in the eye and asked again, "Why am I doing this?"
The mule didn't respond orally like Balaam's donkey in the Old Testament, but Tweedledee seemed to be telling him, "You are doing this because it is time to get on with your life. You don't want to end up like your uncle."
Mart glared angrily at the animal and growled, "I am nothing like Andy! I did not abandon my daughter with my brother and his family when my wife died!"
An annoying voice in his head replied, "No, you didn't. But you didn't have a daughter to abandon or a wife to lose."
"A wife to lose? I lost my wife fifteen minutes before she was to become my wife! I'd rather she died instead of leaving me like that. I'll never have to worry about abandoning a child because without Diana I'll never have any!" He was screaming now, and tears were starting to roll down his face. "What is the point of it all? Without Di, what is there left in my life?" The mules stood there silently, watching as he raged at himself.
Mart continued to argue and sob, letting out so much of the pain that he had been holding in since April. Once again, his thoughts turned to his "alternate" plan - suicide. Some days that seemed like such an easier way. But thoughts of his mother always kept him from going through with it. Now, not even the vision of his mother was helping. He stood and turned toward the path to the lake, going over in his mind what he had thought about so many times before. As he started down the path, a different face came to his mind. It wasn't his mother, but the quiet "schoolmarm" he'd spoken with yesterday.
Linnie's soft "Thank you, Mart," echoed in his ears.
Why had he thought of her just now? And why was the thought making him stop in his tracks and turn back to the mules; abandoning the path that led to his "solution." He'd seen something in Linnie's eyes that touched him somewhere that he thought could never be reached again.
Soberly, he finished hitching the mules and began the twilight journey to the small schoolhouse in the woods.
* * *
Nervously Linnie checked the refreshment table for the fifth time in as many minutes. She so hoped that this annual gathering would go over well. She remembered from her own childhood how much fun the Pumpkin Carving Contest was - and all the other activities that went along with it.
What she had never realized was that her teacher had been the organizer of the whole event. In fact, she was now quite sure that Miss McCrae had instituted the whole party so that the children were able to see how people in the "Great World" celebrated the day. Linnie was beginning to see how much Miss McCrae had done to expose her students to life beyond what the Ozark mountains contained and sometimes she didn't feel up to the job.
She glanced at the clock on the gym wall with a sigh - quarter after six. It didn't look like Mart Belden was going to be coming after all. She tried to pretend that it didn't matter that much, but it did. She wondered whom she could get as judge at such a short notice. ‘I should've talked to someone last night or earlier today,’ she thought, mentally kicking herself, "but I was so sure that he would come.’
Mart was something else that had her on edge. She had thought that she had forgotten all about her crush years ago. And even if she hadn't, she wouldn't have thought that it would affect her in such a way now. She felt as if she were fourteen again. 'Why do I need to impress him?' she thought, as she glanced down at her costume. It wasn't much of a costume, but it worked. She had actually worn it last year to a Halloween dance at college. One of her friends in the certification program had told her that she would make a good gypsy - that she had the hair and the coloring - except her eyes. So she had rummaged through her own clothes and hit a couple of thrift stores in town to find the right get-up.
It was a little different from the usual Turkey Hollow costumes - witches and ghosts were about as creative as the locals got. Her black body suit fit like a glove. The skirt, one of those clingy broomstick things that had been "in" a few years before, was a hideous mixture of black, red, purple and green with silver thread making leaf shapes here and there. The tiny bells she had sewn along the hem spread a tinkling sound as she moved. A sash of silver and gold silk at her waist and a matching scarf in her hair finished off the ensemble. Thanks to her Cherokee great-great-great grandmother, she tanned easily, so she was able to keep the make-up to a minimum.
She almost hadn't dressed up, then remembered that Miss McCrae had always dressed up. She had come as a witch for the nine years Linnie had attended Turkey Hollow School, and she was willing to bet a month's pay that she had used the same costume every year of her career.
"Linnie?"
Startled, she jumped, dropping the bag of candy corn she was holding.
Mart Belden hurried to her side, "I'm sorry. I thought you heard me come in." He knelt down and began gathering the candies.
Smiling sheepishly, Linnie replied, "My thoughts were elsewhere. I'm glad you were able to make it." She joined him on the floor and continued, "Do you think you're up to a wild night in Turkey Hollow?"
Mart laughed softly, "I guess I'll have to be."
Hurriedly Linnie went over the plans for the party and told Mart what to look for when judging the pumpkins. She knew she was talking too fast and repeating herself, 'Calm down, deep breath, it's okay,’ her mind chided as she wound up her explanation.
Miraculously, Mart understood what he needed to. And as Linnie finished explaining how she would make sure each pumpkin received some kind of award, the first "haunts" entered the gymnasium.
Mart had thought that he'd just slap a few ribbons on some squash and then be out of there. That wasn't the case. He found himself helping with the other activities - calling numbers at a cake walk, replenishing apples in the bobbing pail, and handing out yard stick "fishing poles" at the prize pool. Somehow, he seemed to be wherever Linnie needed help. By the end of the night, he couldn’t recall her asking him to do any of the extra things he did, but he had known that was where she needed someone to be. He also realized that he had actually enjoyed himself.
"Mart, you didn't have to stay and help clean," Linnie called to Mart as she added the last chair to the stack against the wall.
Mart looked up from the push broom he was using at the other end of the gym and grinned, "I know, but I figured that I might as well."
Linnie looked at him in surprise; it was the first smile she'd seen on his face that really looked heartfelt. However, as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.
Mart quickly and efficiently finished sweeping the room and then replaced the broom in the janitor's closed. When he returned to the gym he found Linnie alone, the other three people that had helped take down the last of the decorations were gone. "Is that all?" he asked softly.
"Yep, that's all. Thank you again for all your help. You did much more than you needed to do," Linnie hoped that he felt the sincerity of her words.
"It was nothing, " Mart replied, trying to figure out why a flood of happiness filled his body for a moment. "I'm glad that I was able to help you. It was…" he paused, looking for the word he wanted.
"An experience? Better than sitting home watching horror movies that aren't as scary as you pretend they are?" Linnie asked quietly.
In shock, he looked at her. Had she been reading his mind? He didn't remember mentioning the movies to her. "Um, actually I was going to say fun. How did you know that I had thought about staying home and watching a horror marathon?"
Coloring she answered, "I didn't know that was your plan…but it's what I would've done if I hadn't had this to come to. And, I'm glad."
"That neither of us watched the horror-fest?" Mart was a little lost.
"No, glad that you had fun." She giggled, "But I guess I’m glad that we didn't indulge in the movies either…the locals would've been disappointed."
He liked to hear her laugh. What else could he say to her to get her to laugh again? What was he thinking?! He was a heartbroken recluse who would never enjoy life again! Gruffly, to cover his feelings, he asked, "So, you have satellite?" That seemed surprising to him.
"Actually, no. Miss McCrae does and I’m renting her home for the rest of the year. It's nice. You'd be surprised though at how many people around here have satellite dishes. The 20th century is finally kicking in now that it is nearly over."
"You're kidding!" Mart plopped down on the floor in exaggerated surprise, "I didn't even think most people had televisions."
Joining him on the floor with a tinkling of bells that echoed her laughter, Linnie responded, "Well, ten years ago very few people did. Your uncle didn’t have one when you visited did he?"
Mart shook his head, "He didn't even have electricity then."
"Things change, don't they?" Linnie asked absently as she played with the tiny bells on her hem.
Making a noise that was a cross between a grunt and a snort, Mart abruptly rose to his feet. "I should be heading home. I need to get going early in the morning."
From her position on the floor, Linnie looked up and questioned, "You have a lot to do tomorrow?"
"Um, yeah, things to do you know…" his voice faded out. He had a feeling that Linnie knew he was lying. She was a teacher after all and teachers always seemed to have the innate ability to know when you were lying.
"I see," she said softly and got to her feet, ignoring his outstretched hand that was offered belatedly. "Thank you again for all your help, Mart, I couldn't have done it without you. Tell Andy thanks for the pumpkins."
"No problem."
Linnie led the way out of the gym, pausing to turn off the lights. When they reached the front doors, Mart opened the door and held it for Linnie. Picking up a battered backpack from one of the rooms and grabbing a crimson jacket from a coat rack, she followed him.
Pulling a flashlight from her coat pocket, she shone it on the path to the shed where Mart had left his mules. "If you hurry you'll make it home for the last movie," she said.
Moving down the path in the glow of the light, Mart returned, "The last one didn't sound much like a horror movie."
"Audrey Rose? Oh, it's not a blood and guts scary movies, but it's scary. Or at least it was," she amended, "when I saw it a few years ago. I watched it one Halloween in college with a bunch of friends - it freaked me out."
"A psychological thriller?" Mart asked as he led the mules out to the wagon and began to hitch them up.
"I guess you could say that. Anthony Hopkins is in it - pre-Silence of the Lambs, Zorro, Remains of the Day, Shadowlands and just about anything else I've seen him do."
"Hmm, maybe I'll watch it after all," Mart climbed to the seat and picked up the reins. 'Idiot,' he thought, 'you didn't offer her a ride.' "Linnie, can I give you a ride home?"
The smile that did something funny to his insides broke out across her face, "You don’t have to, Miss McCrae’s house isn’t that far."
Lamely he said, "It’s dark out, you shouldn’t be walking alone."
Wisely, she bit back a silly retort. Mart seemed to switch moods faster than she could keep up with them. She had yet to figure out what triggered the changes so she decided to go along with him.
In a smooth movement, she joined him on the wagon seat and gave directions. "Head up the trail like you’re going to your uncle’s lodge."
Mart obliged and turned the mules homeward, "Come on Tweedles, move out." The glow of the lanterns he had hung on each side of the wagon illuminated the way just enough for the mules and their driver to know that they were still on the trail.
"Tweedles?" Linnie asked.
"Yeah," Mart grinned in the darkness; "Cat named them Tweedledee and Tweedledum."
The laugh that found the same hidden parts of his soul that her smiled had touched rang out in the darkness, making everything seem lighter than it really was. "I like that. Who is Cat?"
"Was," Mart responded automatically. "Cat was Catriona, Andy’s wife."
"Andy’s married?" Bill had never mentioned that to her father, or if he had, Matthew Moore had never mentioned it to his daughter.
"Yeah, he got married about five years ago."
"Wasn’t that when he went to Scotland?" Linnie interrupted.
Mart nodded, "They met there. He brought her back and got married at Crabapple Farm. A year and a half ago she was killed in a botched hold-up at an AM/PM. She’d just ran in to get aspirin or something."
"Oh," Linnie now knew why the mountain folk had such a somber expression when they talked of Andrew Belden.
"You know, he’s gotten rid of everything that had any connection to her, except these silly mules," With a bitter laugh he added, "He even farmed their daughter off on my parents. Poor kid." Abruptly changing the topic once more, Mart asked, "Where’s your place?"
Linnie had forgotten that she was supposed to be giving directions. "Right before the main road turn left onto that little path."
Within moments Mart had found the turn off and reached Linnie’s front door.
Hopping down she spoke again, "Thanks for the ride. I’m sorry about Andy…I never knew."
"He doesn’t talk much about it," Mart said. "Well, I guess I'll see you around." His mind emptied suddenly of anything else to say.
The words out of her mouth before her mind could control her heart, Linnie heard herself ask, "Mart would you like to come in? Have some hot chocolate or something?"
"No thanks," he said sharply, "I need to get back." As he spoke, he began to turn the mules. He didn’t want to look at her face and see any emotion there.
"Another time then, maybe," she said softly to the retreating wagon.
She shrugged her shoulders and entered the tiny dark cottage that Miss McCrae had left. Glad once again that electricity had finally reached her backwoods home; Linnie hurriedly switched on all the lights. It wasn’t just the darkness of the Halloween night she wanted to banish; it was the darkness that Mart Belden was carrying around inside. What was it Isaiah had written? Something about one who "walketh in darkness and hath no light." That was Mart. She remembered how she had mentally compared him to an empty lantern the day before. A few times tonight she thought that she had seen a flicker of light in his face, but as quickly as it came it was gone.
She jumped suddenly at the soft knock on her door. It was almost midnight, who could it be? Somehow she knew who it would be as she opened the door.
"Linnie, I’m sorry," Mart spoke quickly, as if he were afraid he might change his mind, "I don’t mean to be rude, I…it’s just…I’ve…"
"It’s okay, Mart, really," Linnie patted his arm, "Don’t worry."
"I’ll explain sometime, I really will. Just now…" he paused and looked up at the twinkling stars and took a deep breath. "I really enjoyed myself tonight. And I’d like to take a raincheck on the hot chocolate."
"No problem. You know where to find me – here or at the school." Linnie smiled happily.
"I’ll find you," Mart said, returning her smile, "I’m always looking for a good cup of hot chocolate. Good-night!"
"Good-night, Mart," Linnie stood in the doorway and watched him leave again. This time she felt better. Maybe the lantern would shine again.
To Be Continued
The story of Balaam’s talking donkey is found in Numbers 22: 22-35. The quote from Isaiah is found in Isaiah 50:10 (both located in the Old Testament of the Bible)
Thanks to Maud Hart Lovelace for the phrase that I borrowed (and thanks to the person on the board that first mentioned the Betsy-Tacy books a year or two ago…I’ve read several of them and am trying to find the rest…they’re great!)
I watched Audrey Rose my freshman year in college on Halloween night – for months my roommates and I would freak each other out acting out one of the scenes from that movie. (Audrey, Audrey are you in there…and touch the mirror) I ran across the book in a used bookstore, but was too afraid to by it…I don’t know why the movie freaked me out so bad…and Anthony Hopkins looked so young!
Part III has already been started, but will most likely have to wait until after report cards and I finish the ELD benchmarks that I have to get done for the committee I was put on recently (at least two more weeks).