CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

 

Brian woke up the next morning more refreshed than he’d felt in years. He shut off his alarm with no thought of using the snooze button, and headed for the shower. His first thought was of Honey. He probably would have called her if it hadn’t been so early, but he knew she wanted to sleep in. He’d call her during his break.

He ate a quick breakfast and was out the door by 5:30. Climbing into his truck, he smiled at the memories it evoked. It still smelled a little like Honey, he thought. He greeted everyone at the hospital cheerfully, calling most of them by name. He breezed through his morning rounds. One of the nurses remarked upon his mood.

"I just had a really good night’s sleep," he told her, grinning.

She clearly thought there was more to it, but all she said was, "Good for you." All of the nurses liked Dr. Belden, and they liked to see him happy.

Brian’s first break was at 10:00, and he headed outside with a banana in one hand and his cell phone in the other.

"Hello?" Honey answered eagerly.

"Hi, it’s me. I didn’t wake you up, did I?"

"No," she laughed. "It’s ten o’clock in the morning!"

"You said you wanted to sleep in," he said around a bite of banana.

"I did. I woke up an hour ago, wondering how in the world you would survive on the little bit of sleep you got. How are you?"

"I’m fine. I slept great," he assured her. "In fact, I think I must have had a dream about you. We took a walk together, and then you told me you loved me."

"Really? I had the same dream," Honey replied in wonder. "Isn’t that crazy?"

"Crazy," he agreed. "Would you like to take another walk tonight? I get off at four."

"I’d love to. Shall I come over to your apartment, or do you want to come here? Trixie left for Sleepyside this morning," she added in a lower voice.

"Well, then, I guess I’ll be over there about 4:30," he laughed.

"Okay, I’ll see you then."

Good-byes were exchanged reluctantly, but they both hung up feeling very cheerful.

Brian was only mildly surprised to find Honey waiting for him outside the hospital when he got off work. She greeted him with a full smile, but she seemed to hesitate about doing anything more. He solved her dilemma by leaning down for a leisurely kiss. He was fairly certain he’d seen some nurses watching, and he wanted to make sure they got their money’s worth.

Honey’s smile was even bigger when she stepped back from Brian’s surprising display. "Hi," she practically sighed.

"I thought you might show up here," he said with a grin. "I’ve been waiting for that all day."

Honey could hardly believe this was the same man she’d known for so many years. This was like the old Brian, the one from years ago. She’d gotten so used to the quiet, unemotional Brian. But she’d be willing to bet that that Brian didn’t kiss like this one.

"So," she said as they headed back to her apartment, "I made some reservations at a hotel near Niagara Falls. We’re still doing that, right?"

"Yeah. What time do you want to leave on Wednesday?"

"I don’t know - ten? We can stop for lunch on the way. That’s my favorite part about road trips, stopping at some strange place to eat."

Brian smiled at her nonessential statement. "Are Trix and Dan going?"

"No. Trixie said it was too long a drive for her." Honey felt a little ashamed at her fib, but Brian wasn’t going to hear what Trixie had really said.

 

Trixie had just finished the last chapter of #5 and was in the middle of a long and frustrating spell-check when Honey got home from Niagara Falls on Friday. She gave herself a break and left her bedroom/torture chamber (oh, my!) to go be nosy.

"How was your trip?"

Honey was catching up on her newspaper reading, and Trixie joined her on the couch.

"Very nice, thank you."

"Anything important happen that I should know about?"
"The waterfall was as beautiful as ever," Honey told her. "They say its losing thousands of gallons a year, did you know that? You wouldn’t know it to look at it."

Trixie was about to probe deeper, but felt a sudden pang of conscience. After all, if nothing of consequence had happened, Honey might be feeling disappointed about it. As the minutes dragged on, and Honey still hadn’t offered any more information, Trixie became convinced that she had stuck her foot in her mouth. She decided to change the subject, maybe offer Honey a way out if she was angry at Brian.

"You want to go out tonight, maybe see a movie?"

Honey looked up and smiled. "No, thanks. I’ve got some place to be tonight."
"Oh, okay." That’s it, she told herself. If that’s all Honey wants to say, I won’t butt in.

"Aren’t you going to ask me where I have to be tonight?" Honey asked after a few seconds had passed.

"Well," Trixie stutter-mumbled. "I mean, no, because it’s your business, not mine, and it’s really not my place to ask…"

"Because I’ll tell you, if you care."

Trixie tried to nod nonchalantly.

Picking the newspaper up and pretending to go back to reading it, Honey told her, "Actually, Brian and I made plans to go engagement-ring shopping tonight."

 

Trixie called Dan as soon as Honey and Brian left that evening. When she heard his voice on the other end, she realized how much she missed him. He’d only been gone since Wednesday, and he was only as far away as Sleepyside, but it was a huge change, not being able to see him on a moment’s notice. Not to mention the fact that she now had to pay long-distance bills to talk to him.

"Hello. Is this Daniel Mangan?" she asked in a nasally voice. "This is the Library calling. The video you requested, Dixie Does Dallas, is available for pick-up."

"Is that you, Ruthie? You can drop the code phrase - Trixie isn’t here." Dan sounded breathless and excited.

"Oh, really? Then who’s the giggler in the background?" Trixie demanded. "And don’t go trying to tell me it’s Mr. Lynch again!"

Dan laughed. "Of course not. It’s Bobby. You know, you really ought to do something about that laugh - it can’t be good for his social life."

"I’ve missed you," Trixie sighed. "You and your outrageous sense of humor. Imagine Bobby having a social life!"

"How are you?" he asked. "Finish your book yet?"

"Yep. Twenty chapters. You know, I still think I was right all those years ago about Mr. Maypenny," she joked. "The man had ‘poacher’ written all over him."

Dan laughed again. "Poacher, huh? I never saw that myself. Must have been on some hidden part of his anatomy."

Not even wanting to go there, Trixie divulged the real reason for her call. "Honey and Brian are engagement-ring shopping," she told him. "I guess you were right. I never thought they’d move so fast."

"Fast? They’ve been all over each other, emotionally speaking, since I met them. They’ve just been missing the physical aspect."

"Well, not anymore," Trixie informed him. "She came back from the trip with hickeys on both sides of her neck!"

"Really? How’d the other guy look?"

She smiled. "I don’t know; he didn’t come up."

"Well," Dan sounded approving, "I’m glad it’s all settled. It was getting to be painful watching them. So," he added with a change of tone, "now that you’re done with your book, are you ready to come home yet?"

Trixie sighed heavily. "I wish. I don’t really have to be here - I could just do everything by phone or e-mail. But I’d hate to leave Honey, you know?"

"I know."

"I realize that Brian would still be here and everything, but he’s always working."

"I know."

"It’s just that, summer’s almost here, then I’ll be getting married, then she’ll be getting married, and this is really our last chance to be like this…"

Dan was very obviously smiling. "I know, Trix. That’s cool. Honey and Brian are gonna need a chaperone, and, anyway, I need my hands free so I can finish the house."

"How’s it going? Any more plumbing problems?" Blushing to herself as she thought about how that question could be misconstrued, she hoped he wouldn’t laugh at her.

"No," he replied, with what might have been a suppressed chuckle. "Tom and I finished putting in the tub today. Your new master bathroom will soon be up and running. You said you wanted a two-person toilet, right?"

"Definitely. And you did remember to do two separate bedrooms for us? Maybe I’ll take the new room and you can have the loft."

"Perfect. Then you won’t be disturbed when I have guests over."

Trixie giggled, but she told him in all seriousness, "I wish you were here. Or I was there. Are you going to be busy all weekend?"

"I don’t know," he replied speculatively. "It depends on what else is here to occupy my attention."

"Would tomorrow morning be too early to…" She tried to come up with a clever, flirty phrase, but found nothing that didn’t sound either childish or vampish. She sputtered out.

"Be otherwise occupied?" he finished for her.

"Yes," she answered lamely.

Dan’s answer was perfect, from her point of view. "Tomorrow morning will have to do, I guess. I was hoping you’d ask if tonight was too early."

 

 

 

"Lucy, I’m home!" Trixie announced as she stepped through the apartment door Sunday evening. Honey was nowhere to be seen.

"Honey, are you here? If you’re not, I’m gonna be very angry that you left such a mess!" Knowing she was basically talking to hear herself speak, since there was obviously no one home, Trixie continued to amuse herself while she performed all the usual returning-home rituals.

Throwing her bag down on the couch, she called out, "This place stinks, Honey! If I find out you’ve been smoking in here again, you’ll be sorry." She leafed through the mail. "And there better be some food in that refrigerator, young lady!"

Tossing her jacket on the back of the couch, Trixie turned her attention to the kitchen and headed in that direction. As she passed by the bathroom, singing ‘This Little Light of Mine,’ the door opened abruptly and Brian stuck his head out. He joined in the refrain.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!!" Trixie’s scream hung in the air for several seconds after she herself had vacated the space. She landed none-too-gently on her backside, scrambling, even as she came down, to crawl away from the apparition in front of her.

Brian tried his hardest to make fun of her, but his laughter prevented anything but the brokenest of gasps from escaping. He knew he was missing a golden opportunity, what with her terrified face and frantic movements, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

"Shut up!" Trixie reached for whatever she could find, eventually grasping the edge of the magazine she had dropped in her fall. She flung it at her brother, full-force.

"Ow!" Brian’s laughter ended on an angry note, as he slapped a hand to his eye. "What’d you do that for?" He glared at her out of his other eye.

Trixie stood up angrily. "You scared me half to death, buttmunch! What were you doing?"

"Well, I didn’t know you were gonna freak! It’s not my fault you’re such a spaz." He lowered his hand and stepped back into the bathroom he had just left, to check his eye in the mirror. When he turned back to her, she could see a large cut on his eyelid.

They stared at each other angrily for a few seconds. Then, inevitably, the scene began to replay in their minds, with particular emphasis on the faces they had each made. Laughter ensued. Sides were clutched. Bodies doubled over…you get the picture.

 

Two weeks after the gratuitous comic scene above…

"So, Trixie." Honey shut the apartment door behind her and turned to face Trixie, who was packing. "I just had an interesting talk with Brian."

"Oh, yeah?" She didn’t sound too interested.

Honey sat down on the couch and shrugged out of her jacket. "Yeah." She looked around at the sea of boxes on the living room floor. "Are you going to have enough?"

"Boxes or things to fill them?" Trixie straightened up and stretched out her back. "I can’t believe how much stuff I’ve got."

"I can’t believe how much of my stuff you’ve got. I know for a fact-" Honey leaned forward and plucked a hairdryer off the top of a box. "That this is mine."

"Please! I wasn’t taking it. I was just using it to activate the shrink wrap."

"Also mine," Honey laughed.

"Well, you’re not going anywhere. What do you need shrink wrap for?"

Honey rolled her eyes. "You never know. Maybe your wedding present." She set down the hair dryer and leaned back. "But you never axed me what Brian and I talked about."

Trixie joined her on the couch. "What?"

"Apparently, your fiance has been a busy little beaver."

"Who told you about that?!"

Honey laughed. "Did you know, for instance, that Dan encouraged Brian to ask me out two months ago?"

Trixie looked decidedly guilty. "What do you mean?"

"Apparently, he told Brian and Mart about this new guy in my life, Marco? Apparently, he felt that Marco and I were getting a little too chummy. He thought I was in danger of getting involved with, quote, ‘a disgusting loser whose only recommendation is his fortune’."

"Hm. He never did like Marco." Trixie stood up. "You want some coffee? I want some coffee."

"You seem non-nonplussed, Agent Scully. I just have one more question."

Trixie faced her interrogator. "What?"

"What’s Dan’s favorite dish?"

"That cute blue one with the daisies. Why?"

Honey was not amused. "You know what I mean. I want to fix him a special meal to say thanks."

"Aw, you don’t need to cook for him to say thanks, Honey." She sat back down. "A simple check made out to Mr. and Mrs. Dan Mangan will be fine."

Honey rolled her eyes again and stood. "Fine. I’ll make him meatloaf with extra onions and garlic."

"Dantooine." Trixie closed her eyes briefly, looking defeated. "They’re on Dantooine. And his favorite meal is Oven-poached Red Snapper with Spinach Cream Sauce. But unless you have a bottle of ’64 Chateau Briand, he’ll go with Taco Bell."

Dan had his Red Snapper the next evening. Honey didn’t tell him what it was for, knowing Trixie probably already had, anyway. She simply called it Trixie’s going-away meal.

"What time do you want to leave tomorrow, Trix?" Brian was relaxing after the meal, his arm thrown unceremoniously across the back of the love seat he was sharing with Honey. "Oh, and I hope you don’t expect me to load all that junk into the truck. I’ll haul it, but you’ll do the lifting, babe." Brian nodded toward Dan. "You or your woman, there."

"I should take exception to that," Dan told him lazily. "But I’m in no mood to throttle."

Honey gave Brian a reproachful look. "Well, I’ll help you, Trix. There’s too much there for you to get by yourself."

Dan raised his head long enough to laugh at Brian, who was rushing to assure Honey that of course he was going to help.

"Now who’s in charge, Brian?" he derided him. "The sound you’ve just heard is the crack of Honey’s whip. By the way, you did that very expertly, Honey."

Honey bowed slightly.

"Anyway," Trixie interrupted. "I was hoping to be at Crabapple Farm by lunchtime. You think that’s too optimistic?" She looked up at Dan, next to her on the chair which was entirely too small for two people to be sharing.

"Crabapple?" he asked. "I thought we were taking everything to the cabin."

"No way!" Trixie looked shocked. "Most of this stuff isn’t fit for anything more than storage. I’m leaving it in the basement."

Brian and Honey looked at each other, then at Trixie. "You’re leaving your junk in our basement?" Brian wanted to know.

"Moms won’t mind," Trixie reasoned.

"Maybe not, but Honey and I sure do. We’ve got junk of our own, you know."

Trixie seemed completely taken aback. "Oh, my gosh," she breathed. "I didn’t even think about that! Crabapple Farm is your house!"

Honey laughed. "Not yet, Trix. And you can store your stuff there. Brian and I don’t mind." She cracked her whip again, but Brian didn’t seem quite so responsive this time. He eyed his sister darkly.

"There’s plenty of storage room at the cabin," Dan declared. "We’ll just go straight there. All you’ll have to take back to the farm is your clothes."

Trixie nodded. "Not even all my clothes," she added. "Just a week’s worth."

"And then you’re going clothing-optional on us?" Brian asked.

"And then I’m getting married," she corrected him snootily.

Dan lowered his eyebrows suggestively. "And then she’s going clothing-optional on us."

Trixie’s scandalized exclamation was accompanied by a less-than-loving slap, but Dan considered her reaction a small price to pay for the gratification he got from Brian’s genuine laughter. It was nice to have the old Brian back.

 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

 

 

"Di! You’re enormous!" Trixie ran toward her sister-in-law and gave her a big hug.

"I know!" Di beamed. "Isn’t it great? Only six more weeks to go."

Trixie hugged her again. "So where is that husband of yours?" Trixie scanned the airport corridor but saw no sign of Mart. She put the tricorder away.

"He went down to get the luggage," Di explained. "He is so worried that they lost the bag with your and Dan’s present in it. He couldn’t stop talking about it on the plane."

Trixie reached for Di’s carry-on bag. Slinging it over her shoulder, she said, "Let’s head down there too, then. Dan said he’ll have the car pulled up to the curb and waiting for us."

"That sounds great," Di sighed. "I don’t feel up to walking far in this heat."

"It’s really not that hot out - only about 70 degrees."

"To a pregnant woman, that’s burning up. I drove Mart crazy in Florida: I refused to leave our hotel room the entire time we were there. It’s like my thermostat is set about ten degrees above everybody else’s."

"So you’re just about ready for all of it to be over, huh? Is it that bad?"

Di shook her head emphatically. "Oh, no. I love being pregnant. I just don’t like being hot all the time, you know?" She paused. "It’s funny, because on the one hand, I’m enjoying being pregnant, but on the other hand, I can’t wait to actually have the baby. I want to hold him, and look at his face, and decide who he looks like, but I want to put off doing that, too, because I don’t want him to grow up too soon."

"I understand," Trixie said. "But you keep referring to the baby as a boy. Do you know for sure that it is?"

"Well, I’m sure that he is. We don’t have any proof, because every time the doctor did an ultrasound the baby was positioned in just such a way that the doctor couldn’t tell for sure. And, of course, Mart was happy about that, because he says the surprise is the best part. I think holding little Petey will be the best part, personally."

"Petey," Trixie laughed. "That’s a great name. It does sound like a baby monkey."

"Oh, there’s Mart." Di spotted him across the crowded luggage claim center, waiting impatiently for the conveyer belt to begin moving. "Let’s just sit down and let him handle it, okay?" She sat down on a nearby bench. "It is so hot in here!"

Trixie watched as the belt started and Mart began hoisting his and Di’s bags off as they came around. "I think I better go help him, Di. He’s got an armload. You stay here and wait, okay?"

Trixie found Mart in the middle of a fit. He was searching frantically for his and Di’s last bag, and getting madder by the second. "It’s a green backpack with the name ‘Belden’ written on it in big black letters," he told Trixie. "I just know they forgot to put it on the plane."

"Di told me that it has our wedding present in it. Don’t worry about it if they have to send it later. I don’t mind getting a late present."

"You’d mind if this one was late," he said cryptically. "Dang it! That’s the last of it! I’m going to have to go to the counter and tell them they lost it." Mart set off at a quick pace. "Tell Di, will you?"
It was nearly forty minutes later that Trixie, Dan, Mart, and Di began the return trip to Crabapple Farm. Mart couldn’t stop obsessing about the lost present, and Di practically hung out the car window trying to cool off. Needless to say, their chauffeur was happy to dispose of his charges with the excuse that he had work to do at the cabin.

Once they got home, Di immediately went upstairs for a nap. Mart called the airline, as the ticket claims person at the airport had suggested that he do, and got a hot tip that the bag was at an airport in Hershey. Dan had taken his motorcycle to the land, so Mart was free to use the car to pick up the bag himself.

A few hours later, Trixie having spent the time working on book number 6, Di awoke from her nap refreshed and ready to gossip. She joined Trixie in the kitchen.

"How big is the ring?"

"One carat. I think, considering her family, Brian could hardly have done less." Trixie offered her a grape and Di happily accepted.

"Now, Honey told me she helped pick out the ring. Didn’t he surprise her at all? Please tell me he did ask, and not just ‘discuss.’" Di looked ready to box someone’s ears if Trixie didn’t answer the question right.

"The way I understand it is this. They took a trip to Niagara Falls…"

"Right. I heard about that. She’s a smart girl."

Trixie laughed. "So they’re there on that boat, wearing those big ponchos, and all of the sudden -"

"Oh, good, then it was a surprise."

"All of the sudden, Brian says, ‘I’m never going to want to marry anyone else but you,’ or something like that. And Honey’s thinking, ‘I didn’t hear him right, the water’s too loud, he must have said something else.’ So she just does a half-nod, half-smile sort of thing. So then he says, ‘What about you?’ And she says, ‘What about me what?’ And she’s screaming the whole time because it’s so loud. Brian says, ‘Why don’t we get married?’ Now, this is the funny part. According to Honey, she said ‘Yes’ right away. But Brian says she went through about a million different facial expressions before finally squeaking something that sounded like ‘Hiss.’"

Di laughed. "Honey never told me any of that. All she said was, ‘You’re about to have a new sister-in-law.’ I didn’t know what she was talking about at first. I thought she meant you, so I told her I already knew!"

Trixie laughed disbelievingly and Di covered her face in shame.

"She was so disappointed because she thought someone had told me about her and Brian. But I had just heard they were dating, just about two weeks before she called me. I had no idea they were that serious."

"Well, at least they dated first," Trixie laughed at her. "Unlike some people I know."

Di ignored the joke. "I hear that you predicted it, though. How did you know?"

"I am a detective, you know. Besides, I read Honey’s diary when she was out."

"You’re terrible," Di scolded her. "I’ll be obligated to tell her such things, once she’s in the family, you know. You may have been my sister-in-law first, but she’ll be married to the oldest brother."

Trixie frowned laughingly. "And we’re dealing with feudal laws here, or something? Primogeniture and all that?"

Di waved her off. "I don’t know," she laughed. "It was just something to say. I’m hot and fat, and I don’t have time to come up with coherent thoughts."

Mrs. Belden entered stage right at that moment.

"Oh, Diana, you’re up," she smiled. "Did you sleep well? You look just beautiful." She leaned down and kissed her daughter-in-law on the cheek.

"Thank you, Moms, I slept very well," Di answered. "I’m sorry I pooped out on you before. Did you get to see Mart before he left?"

"Yes, I did. He looked, well, frantic. Like Harrison Ford?" Mrs. Belden joined the girls on the couch. "Is everything going alright with the show, Di?"

"Oh, yeah. He loves filming. I’m afraid he’s in the mood he is right now because of me. Four hours on a plane with a pregnant woman can’t be fun for anyone."

"Plus the lost luggage," Trixie added. "What’s in there, Di? It’s not a snake, is it?"

"No," Di told her firmly. "I told him in no uncertain terms that the unofficial pet store stuff had to stop. I can tell you that it is a very smart present, but more for Dan than you."

"It figures," Trixie commented drily. "I am just his sister, after all."

Di grinned at her before adding, "I don’t know what the big problem is, though. It’s not something you can’t get just about anywhere."

"Curiouser and curiouser," Mrs. Belden laughed.

"Oh," Di changed the subject, "Mart’s room looks beautiful. Those new curtains in there are simply gorgeous, and the bed is really too much. I wish you hadn’t gone to so much trouble for us."

Mrs. Belden "p-shawed" at her. "Who better to go to trouble for, sweetie? It’s so wonderful to have you here again. I’m afraid I’m making a permanent enemy of your mother by asking you to stay here. You did call her, right?"

"That was the first thing I did, even before my nap. Mother understands that this is the only place I can get any rest. The twins can be loud enough to wake the dead sometimes."

"Kids are noisy, no doubt about that." Mrs. Belden patted her on the arm and stood up to begin dinner preparations. "You’ll find out on your own in no time at all."

Trixie offered to take Di over to Ten Acres to see the progress Dan and the construction workers were making, but Di told her she’d wait on Mart to go do that. She asked if, instead, Trixie would try on her wedding dress, and Trixie eagerly agreed to model it for her. They ran upstairs. At least, Trixie ran; Di waddled.

"The veil will go around the back like this," Trixie told her as she held up her hair with her hand. "Of course my hair will be up with pins, but you get the idea." She released her hair and began smoothing the dress. "I can’t believe how well it goes with Moms’s old dress. Don’t you agree?"

"Absolutely." Di stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "Can I see the shoes?"

Trixie ran to the closet. "Let me warn you first: they’re probably the last thing you thought I’d ever buy." Trixie lifted the lid of the shoebox to reveal a pair of open-toed, strappy pumps.

"Oh!" Di exclaimed with delight. "They’re so beautiful! Why wouldn’t I think you’d buy them?"

"I always said I’d never wear open-toed shoes. But I fell in love with these."

Di began to tear up, and not because she was choking on popcorn. "Oh, Trix, you’re going to be the prettiest bride in the world, and I’m going to look like a beached whale!"

Trixie laughed at her gaily. "I’ll just have to make sure I bring my harpoon, so we can drag you up the aisle. Don’t worry, Di - you’re a million times prettier than me, and you look even more beautiful now. You glow, you know."

Di wiped her eyes. "Well, it’s nice of you to say. I complain a lot, too, but that’s going to stop now. I won’t rain on your parade anymore." She brushed her hands of their popcorn grease as Trixie turned back to the mirror to study the dress. "You know what we should do? We need to get Honey up here and give you a bachelorette party. You’ve only got three days of freedom left, and we have to give Trixie Belden a proper send off."

"Honey’ll be here for dinner tonight. I’m sure she’ll love the idea of a party." Trixie smiled at Di. "She is so psyched about being done with teaching. You should have seen her on Friday."

"Did she spaz?"

"Oh, yeah. She came home and threw her briefcase in the fireplace, then she called Brian and announced that ‘the future Mrs. Dr. Belden’ was ready for her close-up."

Di shook her head in amusement. "Where will they live, her and Brian? Here?"

"That’s the plan. After August Moms won’t be here anymore, you know - she’ll be at Roger’s. Brian will be working with Dan at the camp, you know, and he’s thinking about opening his practice sometime early next year. Honey’ll help, too, but she’s really hoping it won’t be too long until she’s got kids of her own."

"Well," Di said, more determined than ever to throw that bachelorette party, "that’s great, but it hasn’t happened yet. I’m throwing you a party. Tomorrow. Take it from an old married woman: you’ll be glad you had fun while you had the chance." There was a twinkle in her eye. "And I’ll be glad to have some fun, too. The non-alcoholic kind, of course."

"Of course. Well, let me change out of this, then we can make some calls."

 

"Penelope Marie Lynch! Get off that table this instant!" Mrs. Lynch’s voice cut through the cacophony of noises in the bar where Di was hosting Trixie’s bachelorette party. Penny, however, who had just climbed onto a table across the room to begin dancing, was too far gone to either hear or care. No one was quite sure whether she was drunk, but she was certainly acting like it. She had been singing loudly and pinching waiters’ bottoms all evening. Jenny and Di were mortified.

"One of us should go get her," Honey whispered to Trixie, bending her head close to hers. "Quietly. I’m afraid Mrs. Lynch is going to pull her down."

Trixie agreed, but it was too late. Mrs. Lynch was already halfway across the room, and Penny, intent on her table-dancing, had no idea what was coming for her. Honey and Trixie watched, mesmerized, as Mrs. Lynch yanked the fully-grown fifteen-year old off the table with hardly any effort at all.

"Diana, the girls and I are going home." Mrs. Lynch still had Penny by the scruff of the neck, and the poor girl appeared to be in shock.

"Jen can stay," Di said quickly. "I’ll drop her off later."

Penny was starting to struggle, so Mrs. Lynch nodded a quick assent to Di’s plan and left the building with Elvis.

"Thank you," Jenny breathed to her sister.

Honey and Trixie scooted their chairs closer to the table to join the sisters. An embarrassed silence fell over the foursome. Jenny and Di nursed their Cokes while Trixie and Honey took sips of the stronger stuff and tried to think of something to say.

"So," Honey said, "I hear you’re expecting a few more people, right, Di?"

Di nodded. "When I told some of the girls from high school who was getting married, they practically begged me for an invitation. A bunch of them said they’d stop by after dinner, so they should be here soon."

‘Oh, please,’ Honey thought, imagining how bad she would feel for Di if no one else showed.

"Like who?" Jenny asked.

"There’s Loyola Kevins - well, Webster, now. Then, um, Elizabeth…and that girl in Home Ec class with us. Oh, and one surprise guest, one you won’t even guess."

"It’s not a stripper, is it?" Trixie waited for an answer, looking as though she longed for it and feared it at the same time! Di merely shook her head disapprovingly.

"So, Jenny, how does it feel to be done with your freshman year?" Honey asked.

"Oh, my gosh!" Jenny exclaimed. "I thought this year would never end!"

Trixie and Honey laughed. "Believe me," Honey told her, "I know what you mean. My last day of teaching was one of the best days of my life."

"And you never have to go back." Jenny looked envious. "I’ve still got three years of school left, not counting college."

"You don’t mind it half as much as you let on," Di told her. "Admit it, you look forward to going every morning."

"I do not," Jenny half-heartedly protested, coloring as she did so.

"Why do you look forward to it?" Trixie asked her. "Do you have a crush on someone, Jen?"

"NO!" she said quickly. Behind her, Di nodded her head at Trixie and Honey.

"Who is it, Jen? We promise we won’t tell. It’s just that, chances are good that we know his family, that we might have even gone to school with some of his brothers or sisters. Please?"

Jenny looked extremely pained, but her head-shaking was growing less resolute.

"You don’t have to tell us." Honey tried to come to her rescue, but the poor girl’s resolve had already failed her. She blabbed.

"Bobby Belden!" Trixie was all disbelief. "You’re kidding, right?"

Jenny shook her head, eyes wide with amazement. "He’s so hot!"

"He’s a…a…"

"He’s Mart’s clone, Trix," Di supplied. "He looks exactly like Mart did at that age."

"Yes, but -" Trixie’s voice trailed off, and there was definite disgust in her eyes.

"I think I know what you mean, though, Trix," Di confessed. "When I look at Bobby, all I can see is the six-year-old I used to know."

"So, how long has this been going on?" Honey was excited for Jenny. Her eyes said, Give me details.

"As long as I can remember," was the response. "Ever since grade school."

"Have you ever considered telling him?" Honey was prepared to urge her to do so, having recently lived through the ordeal of not telling.

"He doesn’t feel that way about me at all," Jenny told them with a tragic smile. "I’m pretty sure he likes Penny."

Trixie had to bite her tongue to keep from making another exclamation, this time about the unworthiness of the other twin. Instead, she said she didn’t think Bobby really liked anyone. "His brain just doesn’t work like that," she explained.

"Then why does he always make a point of talking to her in study hall? My desk is actually closer to his than hers is, but he leans over mine to ask Penny questions."

"Does she like him?" Trixie inquired.

"Who knows?" Jenny’s answer bespoke just the slightest touch of bitterness, but she moved quickly to mask it. "I’ve never talked to Penny about it."

"Well, I know." Di patted her sister’s hand. "I talked to her, without implicating you at all, Jen, and Penny said she doesn’t like him. No offense, Trix."

Trixie nodded impatiently, clearly ready to hear more about the sitch.

Di went on. "She likes some junior on the football team. I think his name is Mike Something-inski."

"Mike Daubinski," Jenny informed them. "Every girl at school drools all over him, but I think he’s a total jerk. He only talks to cheerleaders. That’s why Penny wanted to try out for the squad so bad, but Mom said she had to wait until sophomore year at the earliest. She wants me to do it with her, but I don’t want to. You’ve seen me dance, Di - you know how bad I am."

"You’re no worse than me," Di assured her. "And as for Penny, would you like to be so good that you danced on tables like her?"

Honey felt so bad for Jenny, who seemed to be about thirty seconds from crying. She couldn’t imagine having had the courage to tell a table full of people how she had felt about Brian back in high school. She had had a hard enough time telling him while they were alone. She turned to Trixie, silently asking what they could do to help her.

Trixie didn’t have a clue. She was still stuck on wondering how anyone as pretty as the Lynch twins could be fighting over her little brother. She saw what Honey saw, though, and that was that Jenny wouldn’t be able to control herself much longer. "Why don’t we give him a prank call?" It was a stupid suggestion, but it was all she could think of. Prank calls had been very vogue while she was growing up.

Honey whipped out her cell phone. "Is he home, Trix?"

Jenny’s eyes showed fear. "I’m not talking to him, if that’s what you’re thinking. And if you tell him…"

"No, that’s not how it works, Jen," Di told her, taking the phone from Honey. "You pretend to be someone else." She dialed the number at Crabapple Farm and waited for someone to pick up. "He’ll never - Hello?" She smiled at the voice on the other end. "Hi, sweetie. When did you and Brian get back? Mm-hmm…oh, really? Well, listen sweetie, is Bobby home?"

Honey and Trixie both dove for the phone. Trixie reached it first and disconnected the call.

"Di, you can’t let the person know who it is! What were you going to do, ask Mart if you could talk to Bobby?"

Di looked confused. "I would have told him not to say who was calling."

Trixie shook her head. "Unbelievable. Here’s what you do, Jen. You call the phone that Moms had installed in Bobby’s room, the one only he can answer. Then you use a fake voice, and tell him you’ve had your eye on him for a while, and you think he’s really cute. Then he’ll ask who you are, and you hang up."

"Well, no, I thought you told him you were a secret admirer," Honey argued. "You don’t want to hang up before it gets good."

"Well, however you do it, he’ll never have to know who you are."

Jenny looked worried, but her excitement was growing by the second. "Okay," she said with a quaver. "Gimme the phone."

"Hello?" Jenny’s fake voice-of-choice turned out to be a deep, throaty, slightly accented one. "Is this Bobby Belden? Bobby, this is your secret admirer."

Trixie, Honey, and Di were stifling their giggles as they listened to Jen’s side of the conversation.

"I’ve had my eye on you for a while, and I think you’re the hottest thing going on at school. That’s right. I just love the way you look in your little baseball uniform. It really turns me on."

Trixie was whimpering with suppressed laughter, and Jenny almost lost her own straight face.

"Listen, sweetcheeks, I have to go. No, I can’t tell you that. Just keep your eyes peeled, okay? Maybe you’ll spot me at school. Bye-bye, sugar."

The use of ‘sugar’ was the last straw. Jenny’s face dissolved into uncontrollable laughter and she shoved the phone back at Honey, unable even to end the call. Honey listened for a second to Bobby’s frantic, "Hello? Hello?" before hanging up.

Jenny rejoined the living after about three minutes of giggling so hard she could barely breathe. The older girls were watching her with a mixture of pity and admiration.

"Well, that’s it. I have officially made a total fool of myself. I hope your brother is worth it, Trixie."

Trixie didn’t voice the doubt she felt.

Several hours later, the party was in full swing. More people than even Di had expected had showed up to wish Trixie well. One girl gave both Trixie and Honey a huge ego boost by saying that Dan and Brian had been the two cutest guys in her class, and she was so jealous of the two girls who’d actually snagged them. Loyola arrived a little later than everyone else, looking very trim and svelte for a woman who had just given birth a week ago. Both Tad and the baby, a girl named Tasha, were doing very well, Loyola told them. As for her, she was hoping to be able to return to medical school in the coming semester so that she could graduate by the following summer.

"Tad is being so supportive," she gushed. "He’ll watch Tash while I’m in class. He’s a lawyer, you know, and he can work from home as often as he chooses." Loyola was clearly proud of her husband’s success. "Sometimes I wish I had gone straight through school like Brian did, because if I had I could have finished even before he did." Trixie spied that old c-competitive glint in the woman’s eye. "But, if I had, I never would have taken that trip to Africa, or seen Tad on the plane ride back, or married him, or had Tasha. And I wouldn’t give any of that up for all the diplomas in the world."

Di smiled and asked if she had any of Tasha’s baby pictures on her. Trixie excused herself and went in search of the restroom. As she made her way across the room, she glanced over at the bar’s front door when she saw it open. She had to look twice at the Indian princess-like woman entering the establishment.

"Hallie! Over here!" Trixie called to her cousin and headed over to her. "Hallie!"

Finally, Hallie looked up and saw her. The cousins hugged and exchanged greetings.

"You must be the surprise guest Di was talking about," Trixe commented. "I had no idea you were coming to Sleepyside before the wedding."

"Neither did I, until yesterday. But your sister-in-law called to invite me to this little shin-dig, and I couldn’t resist."

"It’s so great to see you again, Hallie," Trixie told her sincerely. As children, the two hadn’t always gotten along, primarily because Trixie had been jealous of the attention attracted by her cousin’s good looks.

Now, seeing Hallie (and armed with the rather satisfying knowledge that Dan had always preferred her over her dark-haired cousin), she could honestly say she was happy to have her there. "That’s a great outfit," Trixie told her with admiration as they moved over to the table.

Hallie tugged at her jacket. "Thanks. But I guess it’s a little too warm for a night like this. When I left Idaho we were having temperatures in the sixties, but it feels close to eighty degrees here!"

"I know; isn’t it great? I’m a little worried, though, because I have to go through the entire wedding in Moms’s long-sleeved wedding dress. At least the church is air-conditioned."

Hallie nodded in sympathy, then turned to greet Di, who was struggling to stand up from the table.

"I’m so glad you came!" Di squealed and gave Hallie a hug. "You look terrific, as usual. You should have been a supermodel."

"Look who’s talking," Hallie retorted.

Honey stood up, too, extending her own greeting and introducing Hallie to some of the other women at the table. When the excitement finally died down, Hallie found a seat next to Di while Trixie scampered away to the bathroom. ("Whoo, that beer -- it went right through me!")

 

When Trixie, Honey, and Hallie stumbled through the front door of Crabapple Farm a few hours later, singing and laughing, Di rushed after them, shushing as she went. She’d just spent 20 minutes in the car with them and their off-key voices, and she had no desire to wake the entire household.

"Guys!" she whispered, trying vainly to steer them toward the stairs. "Guys, it’s 2:30 in the morning. It’s time for bed!"

"I’m hungry," Honey announced. "I can’t sleep on an empty stomach!" She pushed through the kitchen door, muttering loudly about hot wings and nachos.

Trixie giggled. "I’ve had enough hot wings and nachos to last a lifetime. I’ll be feeling that tomorrow, let me tell you!"

Hallie snorted inelegantly and started after Honey. "And we’ll be smelling it tonight!" she said over her shoulder.

Di sighed. She was pretty sure she’d just heard the squeak of floorboards upstairs. "Come on, Trix," she urged her, "let’s go upstairs." But Trixie was already on her way to the kitchen.

"Hey," Mart called softly from the top of the stairs. He started down. "You guys okay?"

Di nodded wearily. When he stopped in front of her, she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his t-shirted chest. "Me go to sleep now," she mumbled.

He laughed. "Go ahead. I’ll check on the young’uns." He sent her grateful butt up to their room, then followed the sound of feminine laughter. What was Bobby doing up at this hour?

"Mart!" Trixie exclaimed gleefully. "My old friend! How’s it hangin’?"

Honey looked up briefly from her bag of Fritos, snickering as Mart gave the proper response to Trixie’s query.

He looked curiously at Hallie, who was sitting on the floor taking her shoes off. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Boy, Trix sure did," his cousin told him. "She brought the house down with her performance of ‘Danny Boy.’ Tears and everything." She went back to denuding her feet. Her toenails were green, he saw. (Bleep, but he hoped that was paint!)

Mart chuckled. He shook his head at his sister. "You sang ‘Danny Boy’? Dan hates that song."

Trixie’s eyes widened. "He does? Oh my gosh!" She looked at Honey worriedly, and her eyes began to fill with tears. "But it’s so beautiful!" she wailed, throwing herself into a chair and burying her head in her arms.

Mart shook his head again, this time in exasperation. He spotted Brian in the doorway and rolled his eyes, indicating their sister with a tilt of his head.

"It’s okay, Trix," Honey soothed. A Frito crumb fell out of her mouth. "I’m sure Mart’s wrong." She glared at Mart. "Everybody loves that song."

Hallie stood up. "Hey, Brian!" she greeted him. "Did we wake you up? You hungry?"

When Hallie had announced Brian’s presence, both Trixie and Honey had reacted. Trixie’s head shot up and she smiled beatifically. Honey had stiffened, then tried to hurriedly roll up the chip bag and wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. Unfortunately, she hadn’t released the bag before she tried to wipe. She also hadn’t succeeded in rolling it up. Fritos went everywhere.

Hallie shouted with laughter as Honey scrambled to clean the mess. Brian and Mart, suppressing their smiles, bent down to help her, while Trixie began to cry again.

"Oh, buck up, Trix," Hallie complained. "So what if Dan doesn’t like your singing?"

By the time Brian and Mart had the kitchen cleared and the girls upstairs in bed, it was close to four o’clock. Mart gave an exaggerated sigh and drooped his shoulders. "Women!" He grinned at Brian. "And now I get to go upstairs and wait for Di to kick me off the bed."

"Hey," Brian grinned, "I don’t want to hear about that kinky stuff. Let’s just keep it in the bedroom, shall we?"

They shared a chuckle before saying their goodnights. Mart reflected as he went upstairs that it was sure nice to have the old Brian back.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

"So, how does it feel to be Mrs. Daniel Mangan?"

Trixie smiled sweetly at Jim as they stood talking near the bar. She felt silly ordering mixed drinks in a full-length satin gown, but she and Dan needed the fortification.

"That’s Mrs. Trixie Mangan. I only took one of the names. But it feels great."

"Are you glad the ceremony’s over, or do you kind of wish it weren’t?"

"I’m definitely glad it’s over! I didn’t know it was possible for a person to be as nervous as I was earlier today. Couldn’t you hear how much my voice was shaking when I said the vows?"

"I could barely hear a thing. That church was like a cavern or something."

Trixie nodded as the bartender handed her the sauce. "It’s pretty, though. It’ll look good in the pictures."

"Oh, yeah," he quickly agreed. "Hey, can I take one of those for you?"

"Thanks," she said as she handed him a glass. "So, where is your date, Jim?" They were making their way across the crowded reception hall, dodging the pockets of guests.

"She’s here somewhere. I left her talking to your brother and sister-in-law." He looked in that direction. "Yep, she’s still there. She and Diana seem to have hit it off."

Trixie raised an eyebrow. If Di really had hit it off with Mary, she’d be a little concerned. It simply wasn’t done.

"Ah, there you are, sweetie pie!" She greeted Dan with a kiss on the cheek, in addition to the ridiculous pet name. (You know what was another ridiculous pet name? Reddy. ‘Patch’ was much more dog-like, as long as it was accompanied by ‘Jim’s springer spaniel.’ Otherwise, it didn’t mean much at all.) "Jim was kind enough to carry your drink for me."

"Thank you, Jim." Dan sounded eager. He took a sip. "Ahh, I hope you tipped the guy."

"She did," Jim replied, smiling. "She reminded me to go find my date. Ha, ha," he laughed at his own stupid joke. Dan stared at him. "I’ll see you two later, okay? Congratulations."

Dan watched the redhead’s receding back, and a brief image of What Lay Beneath swam in front of his eyes. He suddenly felt dizzy.

"You okay, hon?" Trixie radiated concern. "Here, sit down." She pulled out a chair for him. "Don’t tell me being married is starting to make you sick."

Dan sat obediently, then pulled her into his lap. "No, I think it’s the amaretto. You know me. Alcohol always goes straight to my head."

"So, are you saying you like being married? So far, I mean."

"Let me put it this way. So far, it’s great. But it’s going to be even better real soon."

Trixie took a gulp of her Marguerita, then gave him another kiss.

"Whoa, slow down, kids!" Mart strutted over to them, and Trixie could see over his shoulder that he was leaving Di, Mary, and Jim’s little clutch to join hers and Dan’s. "You’re acting like newlyweds!"

"Take a load off, Mart." Dan indicated a chair to his left. "And, call me optimistic, but it looks like this party is beginning to die down."

"Oh, if only!" Trixie was nursing her drink. "If I don’t get out of these shoes soon I think my feet are going to fall off."

Mart and Dan looked interestedly at her feet, which she was waving and twirling in front of them. "There’s barely anything on your feet, Trix," Mart told her reproachfully. "How can those few straps possibly be hurting you?"

"It’s not the straps, it’s the heels. They’re way high."

"Just take them off," Dan advised. "Your dress is long enough that no one would ever notice."

Trixie and Mart gave him disbelieving looks. "Uh, no thanks," she replied. "I think I can stand it a few more hours."

"Suit yourself." Dan looked around the room. "Do you really think it’ll be another few hours?"

Trixie shrugged. "It’s our fault. We should never have gotten an open bar."

"Did you guys see Mary and Jim over there?" Mart leaned forward in his chair and picked a piece of candy off a nearby dish.

Trixie and Dan nodded expectantly.

"What? That’s all I wanted to know, if you saw them. I didn’t have any juicy gossip to spread."

"Well, what do you think about it?" Trixie asked. "It’s not every day that a person’s ex-fiancee shows up at his sister’s wedding."

"True enough. But then, I don’t have a sister getting married every day, either."

Dan, who was busy nibbling on Trixie’s neck, looked up only long enough to say, "And this is the last one, mister."

Trixie giggled. "Dan predicted this, you know. He thought Jim and Mary would be perfect for each other." She giggled again and pushed Dan away. "Stop that!"

Mart cleared his throat. "Still here, guys," he told them.

"Sorry." Dan straightened and looked at Mart. "So," he said with excessive seriousness, "you’re okay with Jim and Mary? No lingering feelings of regret?"

With just the slightest smirk, Mart shook his head. Then, with a gesture (no, not that kind!), he invited Dan to compare the two women who were now speaking animatedly with Jim. "The only thing I regret is wasting so much time on Mary, when I could have been with Di."

Dan nodded. "Good answer," he said in an impressed voice. Trixie concurred.

"Anyway," Mart said, standing up, "I’m going to go see if my wife wants to dance. See you."

Lifting Trixie off his lap, Dan stood, too. "And how about my wife?" he asked. "You want to dance?"

They were soon joined on the dance floor by Brian and Honey and Jim and Mary. Mart, after a lot of wheedling, was able to drag Di out, too. It was slow going at first. There were so many other people out there that they were rubbing more than elbows. After a while, though, enough people realized that the bride and groom were trying to dance, and a space was cleared for them and their attendants.

Trixie spent most of her time gazing distractedly at her new husband, but, when she wasn’t, she was watching the couples dancing past her. She spotted Linnie Moore with Trixie’s cousin Cap, mocassin-shod and pony-tailed, and waved. It was sad, she thought as she looked at the pretty young woman squeaking past, that she would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Linnie had told them earlier about her mountain-climbing accident, and the resulting lower-body paralysis. Still, she was as chipper as ever, crocheting afgans for her own mail-order company. Now she was wearing one of her own designs, a fancy, white, lacy number.

After a necessary break for a long lip-lock with Dan, Trixie went back to scanning the crowd. She saw Loyola and Tad, Mrs. Belden and Roger, the Lynches, and…Bobby and Jen! Trixie couldn’t believe her eyes. She danced Dan over to Di and Mart to point her sister out to Di, then moved toward Jen to give her a thumbs-up.

"Dan, did you always think Di was the prettiest one?" Trixie’s question zoomed right out of left field and caught Dan unawares.

"Prettiest one what?!"

"Of the BWG’s?"

"Well, no. Did you?"

"Sure."

"Who did you think was the best-looking guy?" Dan countered.

"You, of course. I married you, didn’t I? Besides, haven’t you read any of my books?"

"Sure, but my character hasn’t even been introduced yet. You’ve only finished six of them." He dipped her.

"Yes," she answered laughingly, "but just look at the facts. I always admired Brian’s dark coloring, and hated freckles. And yet, how is Jim always described?"

Dan seemed to be catching on. "Freckled and fair-skinned," he admitted. "And I guess it’s pretty obvious, when you think about it, that the best friend of your favorite brother - the brother you always fought with, but to whom you were especially close - is going to be more compatible with you than the best friend of the brother you respected for his steady character." He nodded, satisfied.

They spent the rest of the dance making out.

"I think we can finally begin to think about getting out of here," Trixie said to Mart a couple of hours later. They were among a small number of couples out on the dance floor. Most people had settled down with coffee and cake. The tables reflected the disarray which comes from too long with no clean-up.

Mart looked around. "I think you’re right. What time is your flight?"

"Not until tomorrow morning. We didn’t want to have to worry about rushing right out of the reception," she explained. "We have reservations at a hotel near the airport for tonight."

Mart nodded approvingly. "Good idea."

She studied his face. "So tell me," she smiled. "How do you like having Dan as a brother-in-law?"

"Well," he laughed, "he sure ranks higher on my list of favorites than Terry and Larry do. But don’t tell Di I said so," he whispered.

"Don’t tell Di you said what?" Di asked teasingly. She was dancing with Dan, and he had twirled her toward them in an effort to pick up a bit of the conversation.

Trixie grinned. "He says I’m a better dancer than you."

Di affected an insulted look and tossed her head. "Well. Maybe I should inform him that Dan is a better kisser than he is!"

Shouts of laughter ensued.

"What’s so funny?" Brian wanted to know. Honey leaned in eagerly.

"We were just trying to decide who’s the best kisser of all the Bob-Whites," Dan told them.

"That’s easy," Honey replied. "Jim is."

"Ewww!!" Everyone recoiled.

"Please tell me you’ve never kissed your brother," Di begged.

Honey obliged her. "I’m just kidding, I promise! Brian is definitely the best kisser."

Mart and Trixie looked at each other, with faces which clearly indicated that this statement was hardly better than her first. Mart shrugged.

"You guys do realize that there’s no music playing, right?" Dan asked. "We’ve all been standing here like idiots, swaying and dipping to dead air."

They all burst out laughing. Dan was right.

Mrs. Belden approached the group. "Trixie, Dan," she addressed them. "It’s almost 8:00. Didn’t you say that’s how late you had the reception hall?"

"Oh, wow, yeah," Trixie agreed. "I guess we’d better get these people out of here, Dan." She grabbed his hand, and they went to go talk to the d.j. about making an announcement.

"Brian, Mart," Mrs. Belden said to her sons, "I had Bobby pull the car around. Why don’t you go make sure all the wedding presents get safely loaded? We’ll drop them off at the cabin for them."

After Brian and Mart left to do their mother’s bidding, she turned to their significant others. "What do you say you girls and I give Trix a hand? If we do whatever clean-up is required, she’ll have time to hit the bathroom for some maintenance." She laughed. "That sounds terrible, doesn’t it? I just mean…"

Honey patted her hand, grinning. "I know what you mean. I’m sure she’ll want to check her makeup and fix her hair before they leave." She turned to her future sister-in-law. "Di, why don’t you go help her with that? You have such a knack with hair. Especially with Trixie’s hair, for some reason," she added with a somewhat questioning look.

"I sure wouldn’t mind getting off my feet," Di admitted. "I’ll go find her."

Honey and Mrs. Belden made short work of disposing of the paper tablecloths and picking up the loose trash. Dan assured them that Fr. Jones would take care of everything else.

The mass exodus was over by 8:15. Everyone in the previous five paragraphs, minus Bobby, who’d gone home with the Lynches (and, of course, Fr. Jones. And Hallie. Okay, so basically it was Mrs. Belden, Brian, Mart, Honey, and Di.), waited in the parking lot to wish the newlyweds ‘bon voyage.’ Brian was going to be driving them to their hotel, since neither one of them had gone lightly on the alcohol at the reception.

Mart held a small, gaily-wrapped package. "I can’t believe they’re not even gonna open their presents before they go on the cruise," he said. "They’re just lucky Moms told me that before they left, otherwise they would have been S.O.L."

"What is it?" Brian wanted to know.

"Something vital to Dan’s enjoyment," was all Mart would say. When everyone shifted a little uncomfortably, he reddened. "I don’t mean that kind of enjoyment," he mumbled.

"Hey, guys!" Trixie bounded over to the group. "You here to see us off?"

Mrs. Belden hugged her daughter. "We just want to wish you a safe trip and," she sniffled, "a happy life together."

All of the females were beginning to tear up, so Mart stepped in quickly. He gave Trixie a peck on the cheek and a brief hug. "Where’s Dan?" he asked.

She sniffed pathetically. "He’s just saying good-bye to Father Jones. He should be out any minute." She turned to hug Honey, who was weeping openly. Di joined in after a second, in both the hugging and the weeping. Brian and Mart rolled their eyes at each other.

"Dan!" Mart wasted no time in leaving the scene the minute he spotted Dan exiting the building. He hurried over to him. "I’ve got a present here, which I think you’ll want to open tonight."

Dan looked intrigued. He raised his eyebrows.

Mart thrust it at him. "Just open it, dude!"

Brian wandered up as the last of the paper was being removed. He looked over Mart’s shoulder to see what Dan was holding.

"YES!" Dan shouted gleefully. "Thank you, Mart! I forgot all about these!"

Mart looked satisfied, but Brian was still in the dark. "What are they?"

Dan held up a tiny package of…something. Brian squinted.

"Patches, man," Mart told him in exasperation. "For sea-sickness?"

"You get sea-sick?" Brian asked Dan. "How did Mart know?"

Dan grinned. "I told him, of course."

Brian looked confused, so Mart elaborated. "We wrote each other, when he was overseas. He told me about a rather messy voyage he took on the Mediterranean."

Brian winced a little, in sympathy. Dan thanked Mart again, and they all made their way over to the women.

"Mrs. Belden," Dan said, "I just want to thank you for all your help today. You really made it run smoothly."

Trixie nodded her agreement and hugged her mother once more. "I love you, Moms," she whispered.

"I love you, too, sweetie." She stepped back and wiped resolutely at her eyes. "Now, Brian," she told him. "You drive carefully. Dan." She subjected him to a firm embrace. "You take care of her."

Mart cleared his throat. "See you guys," he said. He shook Dan’s hand. "Have a nice trip. And, hey - welcome to the family."

Brian, Trixie, and Dan all responded. "Yeah, family."

One last round of good-byes came from Honey and Di, then Trixie and Dan climbed into the backseat of the car. Brian gave Honey a quick kiss, got behind the wheel, and they were off.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Trixie and Dan came back from their honeymoon with an announcement. She had decided to sell the rights to her books, provided the publishing company would continue the series with ghostwriters. She and Dan were visiting with the family (yeah, family) at Crabapple Farm, having brought home souvenirs that needed to be distributed.

"But the stories won’t be about us anymore?" Honey asked. She was fiddling with her present, a tiny figure of her favorite lounge singer, made entirely out of seashells.

"No, no." Trixie answered in the negative, but she of course meant yes, the stories would still be about them. "I’ll be giving them an outline for each book. Then they just fill it in with crappy dialogue and inconsistent characters."

"So what number will they be starting with?" Brian wanted to know. He was already wearing his gift, a t-shirt which read, ‘My sister took a cruise, and she didn’t even get me anything.’

"Seven. It’s the one about the antique show. But," she added, with a smile Dan’s way, "I will do a little more than just an outline with number 8. I insisted that I be allowed to introduce Dan’s character."

"Oh," her listeners chorused.

"Well, Trix, you were right."

The others turned to Dan to inquire as to what Trixie had been right about.

Trixie thought for a moment, then laughed. "Did you doubt me, foolish hu-mon?"

Dan scratched his chin. "Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if Mart had been here. That man doesn’t know the meaning of the word tact."

"What are you guys talking about?" Brian looked like he wasn’t sure if he should ask, but he had to know.

"I told Dan that everyone would be too polite to ask how much money I got for selling the rights."

"Oh, well…" Honey looked around. "It’s really none of our business."

Mrs. Belden agreed. Her floppy hat bounced as she nodded. "Of course, if you want to tell us, that’s okay, too."

Brian laughed at her subtlety.

"All right, I’ll tell you, but only because you axed so nice." She named a figure.

Everyone’s eyes widened.

"Whoa!" Brian exclaimed. "You’ll be able to keep two b----es with that kind of money."

"Brian Andrew Belden!!" Mrs. Belden was horrified.

Brian hung his head in shame, unable to believe that he had said such an unthinkable thing in front of his mother. Dan’s ruthless laughter only added to his embarrassment.

"Okay, so does anybody care about what I’m really going to do with the money?" Trixie sounded excited.

"What?"

"Well, it depends on whether I can find anyone to help me, but I was thinking about starting a little bidness."

"What kind of business?" Brian asked. "You know, I was telling Honey, Sleepyside could really use another Aldi."

Dan had to acknowledge the truth of Brian’s statement. "Did you see their flier this week? Bananas are $. 29/lb."

"I’m not buying an Aldi," she told Brian. She turned to Honey. "How does the Mangan-Wheeler Detective Agency sound to you?"

Honey screamed. "Are you serious?" She jumped up and down. "It sounds perfect!"

Honey and Trixie hugged violently.

"You would not believe it, Trix," Honey told her after calming down a bit. "But ever since I started reading your books -"

"I know, I know!" Trixie cut her off. "Ever since I started writing them, I’ve been dying to solve another mystery."

Honey screamed, "Me, too!"

Brian and Dan, watching the exchange, chuckled.

"But what about children?" Mrs. Belden was the sole naysayer. "That’s a dangerous line of work."

Trixie and Honey looked first at the matriarch, then each other.

"Well, Brian and Dan will be working from home. They can take care of the kids," Trixie said with a shrug.

Brian and Dan immediately began to protest.

"I’m kidding, guys." Trixie shook her head. "Moms. We don’t have kids right now. And we won’t be taking any dangerous cases, anyway. I was thinking mostly research, people-tracing and record searches."

Honey nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely. Nothing we couldn’t do from home."

Mrs. Belden and the fellas looked considerably more comfortable.

"Anyway," Dan suddenly remembered, "Brian and I are going to be very busy. Or had you forgotten about our camp?"

"Yeah," Brian seconded. "We won’t have time to run a day-care center."

Trixie hooted. "What do you think this camp is going to be, Brian? Teenagers are no easier to care for than toddlers."

Mrs. Belden nodded vigorously. "That’s right, Brian. Kids are kids. And I do hope you don’t mean to say that your own kids will take a backseat to the ones at the camp."

Trixie and Dan shared an amused look as Brian struggled to save his arse. Trixie herself had no worries on the kid front, thanks to their extensive pre-Cana counseling.

 

Honey came to Trixie less than a week later, bubbling over with excitement. They had a case.

"She’s looking for her birth parents," she said of the woman who had contacted her that morning. "Brian told her about us."

"Brian did?" Trixie was in the kitchen, preparing some sort of dish in the crock-pot. Honey had raced over to the cabin as soon as she’d gotten off the phone with their new client.

"Uh-huh," she said as she dropped into a chair. "She came to St. Gerard’s looking for hospital records from 20 years ago. It was just luck, really, that Brian was even there. He only goes a couple of days a week, you know."

"So he recommended us?" Trixie sat down across from her.

Honey grinned. "He told her that it sounded to him like what she really needed was a private investigator. When she asked him if he knew of anyone she could hire, he casually replied that he just might."

The girls laughed happily. Trixie asked for more details, at which point Honey whipped out a tiny notebook and began rattling off the facts as she knew them. As she spoke, Trixie rose and completed her meal prep, listening intently to her partner.

"Sounds like she was on the right track with the hospital records," Trixie said when she was done. "But I’m not sure I agree with her conclusion that Sleepyside is the place to look."

"Me, neither," Honey concurred. "I’ve set up a meeting for 2:30. We’ll find out more then."

Trixie glanced at the clock. "Okay, we’ve still got some time. Let me go change into something halfway professional-looking, then let’s run down to St. Gerard’s ourselves, before we meet her."

After they finished their meeting, Honey drove Trixie back home.

"I’ll call you after I do that record search," Trixie told her. "And you’ll e-mail the St. Louis Chronicle?"

"Yeah." With a wave, Honey started to drive away, then stopped quickly. "Oh, hey, is Dan still okay with Friday? Brian’s off, and Mart said he’ll help."

"Yeah, I’ll remind him. And I want to come, too, you know."

 

 

 

"So you’re not taking any of this living room furniture, Honey?" Mart was sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. "I could take it off your hands for you."

Trixie looked up from the box she was packing. "Mart, I really don’t think Mrs. Wheeler would appreciate you stealing her antiques."

Mart hastily put his feet down.

"At least not again, right?" Dan asked.

Brian poked his head out of the bedroom. "Honey, I’m done with the bed. Do you want me to start packing up clothes?"

"NO!" Honey called from the kitchen. "I’ll get that. I’ll come pull the drawers out of the dresser and you and Dan can take that downstairs, if you want."

"It’s not like he’s never seen underwear before, Honey." Trixie entered the kitchen solely for the pleasure of laughing at her friend.

"He hasn’t seen mine!"

Mart said something from the other room, but they couldn’t quite make it out. No doubt it had something to do with underwear.

"Hey, Trix, is this yours?" Honey held up a strange-looking kitchen gadget. "I don’t remember ever seeing it before."

"What even is it?" Trixie took it from her and studied it. "It almost looks like an eyelash curler. But what’s this poky thing at the end for?"

Mart wandered in. "Poking out eyes, of course. That’s my special blinding tool."

Dan and Brian moved past the open kitchen door, Honey’s box springs between them.

"I’m sure glad we brought you along, Mart. Someone needs to entertain the girls while we work. Hey!" Dan dropped his end of the load and hurried over to Trixie. "I’ve been looking everywhere for this!"

Honey and Trixie exchanged a look as Trixie handed over the gizmo.

"What is it?" Honey asked.

"It goes to my gun-cleaning kit." He handed it back to Trixie. "Can you put it in your purse? I don’t want to forget it again."

"Come on, Dan, let’s get a move on. This thing isn’t going to move itself. And we know Mart’s not gonna move it, either." Brian made a face at his brother.

After they left, Mart disappeared into the bedroom and came out carrying the mattress. "Don’t look now, Honey," he said in passing, "but your underwear is all over the room."

Honey paled and ran to the bedroom with a strangled cry. Mart was already in the hall waiting for the elevator when he heard the angry shout indicating that she’d found out he’d been lying. (It was his underwear, still warm from his body. She called for Trixie to bring her tongs.)

Minutes later, the three movers returned to the apartment with a guest in tow.

Dan was in the lead. "Hey, Trixie, Honey, look who we found. Marco!"

"Paolo!" Trixie’s response was automatic, and loud.

Honey looked up in alarm, hoping that somebody was kidding. They weren’t.

"Mr. Paolo! How nice to see you." She smiled kindly but kept the couch between them.

"Hello, Madeleine. I didn’t realize you were in the middle of a move. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?"

"Oh, well…" Honey sputtered out and looked to Trixie for help.

"We didn’t want to go," Trixie giggled, sidling up to him. "But the landlord said he’d gotten too many calls about our Jazzercize Thursdays."

"Yeah," Dan agreed darkly, pulling out his gun and pretending to examine it. "I offered to off their neighbors, but Honey said it was better this way. She wants to skip town before the bookie comes back."

Marco looked as though he didn’t know whether to laugh or run away.

"Besides," Mart added. "We’ve got to get out of here before someone finds the python. It escaped," he explained to Marco.

"I see." Marco cleared his throat. "Well, Madeleine, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment. In private." He gestured toward the front door.

Brian stepped out of the shadows. He crossed the few feet to Honey’s side and laid an arm across her shoulders. "I’m sorry, Mr. Paolo. Madeleine’s under doctor’s orders to stay away from -- well, from you." He shrugged apologetically.

"But I’d be willing to talk to you in private," Trixie simpered.

Dan practically growled at her. "You just keep talkin’ like that, baby, and you’ll find yourself out on your butt. Where are you gonna go if I don’t give you a place to stay?"

Trixie very nearly lost it at that point, but she was able to keep from laughing by grabbing Dan by the front of his shirt and pulling him down for a violent kiss. "Oh, baby," she whined, "you know I love you. Please," kiss, kiss, "don’t talk so mean to me."

As Dan responded by tossing her down on the couch and continuing their impromptu makeout session, Mart suddenly shrieked. Yes, shrieked.

"There! Did you see it? Lucifer just slithered past you, Marco! He’s under the couch!"

Marco took two giant steps backward. He glanced at Honey, opened his mouth, cocked his head, then ran like bleep out the door.

The troupe took a few moments to congratulate each other on their performances before getting back to work.

 

"So," Mart said around a mouthful of - you guessed it - pizza, "how’s your case coming along, Trix?"

Having finished removing Honey’s belongings from the apartment, the five of them had decided to share one last meal there. They were sprawled about the living room floor, using the coffee table as a base of operations. Trixie’s reminder that the furniture in the room was Mrs. Wheeler’s had made them all shy away from sitting on the couches.

"Which case?" Trixie sounded pleased. "We’ve got two now, you know."

Mart looked impressed. "No kidding. Another parent search?"

"Huh-uh," Honey replied, popping a loose pepperoni into her mouth. "Background search on a suspicious employee. That’s all I can say," she delighted in saying.

Dan grossed out everyone but Trixie by leaning over and licking pizza sauce off the corner of her mouth. He laughed at the shouts of disgust.

"You’re pretty much done with that adoption case, aren’t you?" he asked after they’d quieted down.

Trixie nodded. "In fact, we are done. It’s just that we won’t be meeting with our client-" she paused in order to share a look of glee with Honey, at the word ‘client,’ then continued, "- until Monday. Then it’s officially closed."

Mart rolled up a piece of pizza - an entire piece - and stuffed it into his mouth. "Cool," he mumbled.

"And you guys think I’m gross," Dan remarked to no one in particular.

Brian opened his mouth and let out a huge belch. "Yes," he told Dan over the resulting laughter, "we do."

Honey sighed happily. Life sure was nice when the old Brian was there to share it.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Trixie woke to the sound of the telephone ringing. She shot up into a sitting position and reached for the receiver, but Dan got it first. Naturally, she could only hear his end of the conversation, but she already had a pretty good idea of what it was. She slid off the bed and grabbed for the clothes hanging on the back of a chair.

"Okay," Dan was saying. "Do you want us to call anyone?…Okay…yeah. No, we want to be there…Just go, man, get her there!…Yes, we’ll call Honey. Good luck."

He hung up and looked at Trixie. "You’re already dressed?!"

Trixie impatiently handed him his jeans. "Of course! Come on, hon, we’ve got to go!" As Dan did his best to get dressed in a timely fashion, Trixie asked, "Do you want me to call Honey?"

"Yeah," he called over his shoulder, heading for the bathroom. "Tell her they’re going to St. Gerard’s."

"Why in the world were we in such a hurry to get here?" Dan asked tiredly, five hours later. They were in the waiting room of the maternity ward, sharing old coffee and out-of-date magazines with Mrs. Belden, Brian, Bobby, Honey, and the Lynches.

Trixie yawned. "Who knew it would take this long? When’s the last time Mart came out here?"

Brian sighed and checked his watch. "About 40 minutes ago."

"Is that all?" Bobby demanded. "He told us just 40 minutes ago that it would probably take another couple of hours?"

"My butt cheeks can’t take much more of this," Penny complained. "Even the pacing doesn’t stop the rot!"

Dan chuckled wearily. "Just have someone give ‘em a good rub," he advised.

Jenny’s eyes narrowed, and she put her hand possessively on Bobby’s arm.

When Mart stepped through the swinging doors, they could tell that something had happened. This wasn’t just another dilation update. He rubbed his hands together briskly.

"Well?" Brian asked eagerly.

"First of all, let me assure you that Diana is fine," he said mostly for Mrs. Lynch’s benefit. He grinned. "And so is our seven-pound, eight-ounce, 21-inch long…." He paused dramatically. "Son!"

He was descended upon immediately, with congratulations, handshakes, hugs, and questions. Lots of questions.

"When was he born?"
"Have you decided on a name?"

"When can we see him?"

"Can Di have visitors?"

To this last question, Mart nodded. "But only a couple at a time," he cautioned. "Mr. and Mrs. Lynch," he told them, "she asked me to bring you back first."

"Did anyone catch what he said about a name?" Trixie asked of the group that was left in the lounge after Di’s parents had followed Mart out.

Honey shook her head. "He didn’t say anything. I can’t believe Mart and Di have a son," she sighed and sank slowly back into her seat, next to Brian.

Mrs. Belden bit her lip. "I can’t, either. I’m a grandmother." She shook her head ruefully. "I can’t believe I’m a grandmother."

Mart stuck his head back out. "Moms? You want in on this?" he asked with a grin. "Di couldn’t believe I’d left you out here."

Mrs. Belden eagerly entered the FORBIDDEN ZONE (Or what had until that moment been the FORBIDDEN ZONE).

Trixie smiled up at Dan, planning to share a touching moment with him. She found him yawning broadly and rubbing violently at his beard.

"What?" he asked defensively when he realized she was staring at him.

"Nothing. You just look really sexy with that five o’clock shadow, is all."

"Well, it itches like hell," he informed her grimly.

Brian tossed a grin Dan’s way. "That’s why I took the precaution of shaving before heading for the hospital. I figured it would be breakfast time before we were out of here."

Mrs. Belden and the Lynches reappeared. The two grandmothers wore beatific expressions. Mr. Lynch was nodding approvingly.

"He’s so beautiful," Mrs. Belden choked out. She wiped at her eyes. "Carolyn, isn’t he just the most beautiful thing?"

Mr. Lynch spotted Trixie and Dan, and indicated that they should come with him. Surprised, they rose and followed him through the swinging doors.

"Hey!" Penny and Jenny whined. "Why did they get to go next?"

Mrs. Lynch moved to sit next to them. "Because Diana and Mart have something to tell them," she said with a mysterious smile.

Di looked up at her two newest visitors. She looked more tired than Trixie could ever remember seeing her. Or anyone, for that matter.

Mr. Lynch stopped by the bed for one more look at his grandson, then gave Di a kiss. "I’ll see you later, baby," he promised before returning from whence he’d come.

Trixie walked haltingly toward the bed. "Can I hold him?" she asked softly.

Di handed him over delicately, and watched anxiously as Trixie reacquainted herself with the proper way to hold a newborn. Mart, sitting on just the smallest edge of Di’s bed, smiled proudly. He looked up at Dan.

Dan seemed to not know what to do with himself. He fidgeted awkwardly as he watched Trixie and the baby.

"So we were thinking," Mart said with a grin.

Dan and Trixie looked at him questioningly.

"Seeing as how today is Dan’s birthday, we thought maybe Dan wouldn’t mind if his nephew shared something else with him, too." He and Di smiled at each other, then he continued. "Unless you object, we’d like to name him Peter Daniel."

Trixie gasped and her gaze flew to Dan’s face. He seemed taken aback, to say the least.

"Wow," he said finally. "That’s…"

"That’s so sweet," Trixie finished with a huge grin. She moved over to where he stood and presented the baby to him. After some initial reluctance he took the bundle from her.

"And," Di added, "we would love for you guys to be his godparents, if you’re okay with that."

Trixie assured her that they would be more than okay with that. "Oh, Di," she said tearfully, as she leaned over to give her a gentle hug, "he’s so beautiful. I would be honored to be his godmother. Thank you."

She straightened up and sought her brother. "Mart, congratulations." She hugged him long and hard, and got an equal amount of time and force in return.

Dan started to panic when the baby began fussing. "Di, here, you take him." He thrust him into his mother’s arms and stepped quickly back.

"We should go send the next group in now," Trixie admitted unwillingly. "Unless you don’t want us to, Di. Would you rather rest?"

Di, who seemed to be on the verge of giving quite a show and nursing little Peter Daniel in front of everyone, looked up and shook her head. "No. The nurse will be back in here soon to take Petey to the nursery. She said to get everyone who wanted to see him, in here before then."

Out of the corner of her eye, Trixie saw Dan turn hastily away as Di began undoing one shoulder of her hospital gown. She stifled a smile. "Okay," she told them as she backed toward the door. To her amusement, Dan darted out without a backward glance. "We’ll send in your sisters."

 

 

"So, any word yet on whether this little guy is going to have a cousin any time soon?" Honey asked innocently. She was in the living room of Crabapple Farm, hovering over Petey as Di showed him off. She looked over at Trixie, who was sitting across from them.

"Oh, didn’t you hear, Honey?" Trixie feigned surprise. "He’s already got one. Brian’s illegitimate child was born last week."

Mrs. Belden shook her head in exasperation. "You kids are terrible, Trixie. If your grandmother could hear the way you talk…" She was making some final alterations to her wedding suit - white bell-bottoms and a white blazer, to be worn with Easy Spirit canvas loafers - and had looked up just long enough to deliver her lamentation.

Honey dismissed Trixie’s remark with a chuckle. "Come on, Trix. No one else is around. You can tell us. Any news yet?"

Mrs. Belden, despite her pretended indifference, covertly studied Trixie’s reaction. Di, who had suddenly decided the baby was hungry, popped open her blouse. As she led Petey to the payoff, she looked at Trixie, curious as to how she would answer the question.

Trixie gave up trying to avoid answering. "No," she told them. "No news yet."

"News about what?" Dan wanted to know. He opened the screen door and stepped into the living room. "Can I come in?"

"Of course!" Mrs. Belden jumped up to welcome him, but everyone else seemed embarrassed about something.

"Can I get you anything to eat, Dan?"

"No, thanks, Mrs. Belden. I just came to see if Trix wants a ride home." He made the mistake of glancing down at Di. Oops. Feeding time.

"Oh!" Trixie sounded surprised. "Are you done? I was just getting ready to come up and see if you needed any help."

"Nope," he told her. "I sent the crew home. There’s nothing more we can do today."

"Well, let’s go, then," she said as she jumped up. "Do you mind stopping at the store first?"

"I guess not," he answered as he opened the door for her. "But I haven’t had a shower, so I’m not exactly fit to be seen in public." He grinned when she wrinkled her nose at him.

"I’ll just run in," she promised. "Bye, Moms. See you, guys," she told Di and Honey.

Mrs. Belden gave her daughter a quick kiss, but declined for once in her life to hug Dan. Honey and Di bade them adieu, and the two hit the road.

 

 

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

August 25, 10 a.m., Crabapple Farm.

Trixie and Honey helped Mrs. Belden with her hair and makeup as Di looked on serenely. Petey hungrily slurped his way through breakfast. (Honey and Trixie had nonchalantly mentioned to Di that she might want to fill him up before the wedding. They could just see her sitting there in the front row, dress unbuttoned and the baby latched on, while Moms and Roger said their vows.)

"You look absolutely beautiful, Moms," Di told her. "Your hair is perfectly perfect."

Honey agreed. "You and Trixie have the greatest hair," she told her soon-to-be mother-in-law.

"Thank you, girls. You’re both so sweet." Helen exhaled nervously. "I don’t know if I can do this." Her voice was very quiet. She stared at her reflection in the mirror.

The three girls looked at each other. Trixie squatted down beside her.

"You don’t have to, Moms."

Mrs. Belden took a deep breath. "I know. I know, Trixie. I was so sure this was what I wanted. I do love Roger," she told them all hastily. "It’s just that, I don’t know…"

"Moms," Honey stated firmly, "if you’re unsure, you should call it off. Right now."

Di and Trixie agreed emphatically.

Mrs. Belden looked around at them all, then laughed at herself. "Oh, girls, you shouldn’t listen to me. Of course I love Roger." She stood up and crossed over to her closet.

Trixie wondered at her mother’s behavior. The woman didn’t seem exactly stable at the moment. With a look, she asked Honey and Di to leave them alone for a while.

"Come on, Baby," Di said to her well-fed son. "Let’s go find Daddy."

Honey opened the door for her and followed her out into the hall. She closed the door quietly behind them and made a "hmm, that’s interesting" face at Di. Going downstairs, they looked back over their shoulders once to ascertain that it was safe to talk. Then they talked.

In her mother’s bedroom, Trixie was doing her best to convince her mother that it was okay to call off the wedding, while Mrs. Belden was doing her best to convince Trixie that nothing was wrong. After ten frustrating minutes Trixie gave up and headed downstairs, leaving her mother to slip into her beautiful pantsuit and plastic-soled shoes.

"Have you seen Dan?" she asked Bobby. The rest of the fam was outside, talking to the guests who had arrived. Moms and Roger had decided on a casual ceremony, folding chairs in the backyard, facing a small altar. A potluck buffet was set out for lunch, which would immediately follow the 11:00 ceremony.

"He’s talking to Reverend Peters," Bobby answered distractedly. He was in Brian’s bathroom, trying to get his hair to look less girly. (She hoped.)

She started to act on the info, then stopped and backpedaled. "Are you nervous?" she asked. Bobby was Roger’s best man.

Bobby made eye contact with her through the mirror. He cocked his head slightly and smiled with one side of his mouth. "A little," he admitted. "Do I look okay?"

"You look fine," she assured him. "Have you met Tiffani yet?" Tiffani was Roger’s daughter, and Moms’s maid of honor.

"Huh-uh." He went back to his hair. "Dan came through with her a while ago, showing her where everything was, but I was getting dressed." He wasn’t concerned. He figured he’d meet her soon enough. "I wish you were the one Moms had asked," he remarked as he applied more dippity-do. "I wouldn’t feel so dumb if you were up there with me. Why didn’t she?"

"Just didn’t, I guess," Trixie replied. "I’m pretty sure she would have, if Dan hadn’t suggested that Tiffani felt a little left out. It’s fine by me, though," she said truthfully. "I’d much rather watch from the stands."

Bobby finished his ministrations and straightened up. "Well, I guess I better get out there. This thing starts in 15 minutes."

"Good luck." Trixie watched him go, wondering not for the first time how Bobby had ever managed to get past his sixth birthday. Where had the time gone? She sighed.

Mart stuck his head in to ask how close Moms was to being ready.

"She’ll be down soon," Trixie told him. "Did Dan go out there?"

He shook his head. "I haven’t seen him."

"Are all the guests here?"

"Sure looks like it." He made a gloomy face. "I’ve been kissed on the cheek more in the last 10 minutes than I ever have in my life. And everyone keeps asking to hold Petey."

Trixie chuckled at Mart’s troubles as she went in search of Dan. As she passed by the stairs she shouted out the time to her mother.

"Almost ready!" Moms sounded harried.

"Dan?" She stuck her head in the den. Nothing. He wasn’t in the kitchen, either.

She was just about to give up and go wait for him outside when she heard his voice coming from the front porch.

She started toward the door, but he had already entered by the time she got there.

She smiled a greeting at him. "You ready to go find a seat?"

"Yeah." He smiled weakly. "Trix, have you met Reverend Peters?" He indicated the man who had followed him into the house.

"It’s nice to meet you," she said with a polite nod. "My mom should be ready any minute, so I guess we should get you set up. Dan, do you want to show him where to go?" She caught a look on Dan’s face as he led the man out to the altar, a look that said yes, he did want to show him where to go. She wondered briefly what the problem was.

"Trixie?" Mrs. Belden stood at the top of the stairs. "I’m ready. Is it time?"

"If you’re sure." At her mother’s nod, she said, "Okay, I’ll go get Tiffani." She came back within a minute.

Tiffani smiled kindly at Mrs. Belden. "You look lovely, Helen. Trixie," she turned to her, "why don’t you go ahead and sit with your husband?" She laughed. "He looks a little lost without you. I’ll take it from here."

 

"And do you, Helen Johnson Belden, take Roger to be your wedded husband, to love and to cherish, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" The reverend stared intently at Mrs. Belden.

"I…I…"

People began to squirm.

"I…"

Brian, Mart, and Trixie looked at each other. Bobby, in a panic, turned to his sibs and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Reverend Peters stepped down. "Helen?" he asked softly.

She gulped, her eyes wide. "I can’t!" With that, she turned and ran back into the house. Her bell-bottoms flapped in the wind as her cheap white shoes pounded the ground.

Trixie rose to follow her, but Dan stopped her with a hand on her arm. Confused, she frowned down at him. She sank back to her seat.

"Wait," he whispered. He gestured toward the altar, where Reverend Peters was talking quietly to Roger. After a second the minister headed toward the house. As he passed them, he nodded to Dan.

"Stay here," Dan told Trixie.

She watched as he approached Roger and took him quietly aside. Tiffani joined them. Bobby moved uncomfortably off the stage, heading for the row where the family sat.

Di and Honey were whispering quietly. Mart, who was holding a sleeping Petey, was making some serious eye contact with Brian. They appeared to be having quite a conversation, of the telepathic variety. Bobby sat down in Dan’s chair and they all leaned in toward each other.

"Well?" Mart prompted.

"Dan’s talking to Rog - " Trixie stopped. "Oh."

They watched as the two in question, with what seemed to be escalating tempers, walked rapidly toward the back door. Suddenly, Roger broke free from Dan’s restraining arm and took off for the driveway. Tiffani, close behind, gave the family a reassuring smile as she zoomed past and tackled him to the ground.

Everybody gasped, "Ouch!"

Dan made his way over to the two of them. "Well," Dan sneered, squatting down and grabbing a handful of the man’s hair, "did you really think we’d let you get away that easily?" Dan gave a hard tug, pulling off "Roger’s" face.

Everyone gasped, "Jonesy!"

As one, the crowd in the yard turned and stared at Jim. His face was so pale the freckles stood out like Ben Riker at a straight bar.

"How dare you!" he began in a trembling voice. "What are you doing here, you piece of sh-?"

"JIM!" Honey’s scandalized exclamation cut him off before he could finish the question.

Immediately Jim colored. "I apologize. I didn’t mean to lose my temper." He grinned sheepishly. "I guess it just gets the best of me sometimes."

Dan turned impatiently to the redhead. "If you don’t mind, Jim, we’ve got bigger concerns than your honorable manners right now." He hauled Jonesy to his feet. "Come on, Tiffani, it’s time to round up the rest of ‘em."

Tiffani nodded briskly and stepped toward Mary. "You have the right to remain silent," she began.

Mary jumped up and began pounding on Jonesy and screeching, "You said they would never find out! You said they would never know!"

Tiffani backhanded the woman. As she did, Mary’s mask flew off.

Everyone gasped, "Ruthie... What’s-her-name!"

The unmasked social pariah turned and fled. (No one knew exactly why Ruthie had felt the need to become someone else, but they figured it had something to do with her stocky build and bad hair.) Unfortunately for her, her lumbering body couldn’t move as quickly as Tiffani could. She was down in no time.

Jim, observing his erstwhile girlfriend’s capture, was stunned. He looked to Mart.

Mart shrugged, but was fascinated. How had Ruthie managed to fool him for so long? And more importantly, what had she done that was so illegal? He asked Dan.

"She’s been in cahoots with Jonesy for years, working his old scheme of marrying into money or, failing that, offing heirs and heiresses and impersonating them," Dan informed them all. "She had almost succeeded, slowly poisoning Matthew Wheeler with apple seeds."

Everyone turned to the millionaire. Honey’s eyes filled with tears.

"Daddy’s dying?" she asked in a stricken voice. "But he looks perfectly healthy!"

Tiffani answered. "Yes, he does look perfectly healthy. That’s because we discovered the plot in time, and he’s being treated as we speak. You see--" she reached forward and pulled off his mask. "this isn’t Matthew Wheeler."

Everyone gasped, "Tom Brokaw!"

"That’s right." The man gave them a polished smile. "My old friend, Agent Mangan, offered me an exclusive on the breaking of the famous Sleepyside drug ring. The real Mr. Wheeler has been removed to a secure location."

Mr. Wheeler, sitting in the Manor House hot tub, had the oddest feeling he was being discussed. Celia and Cook, on either side of him, noticed his perplexed expression and asked what was wrong. He flashed them… a reassuring smile, and resumed his carefree relaxation.

"Agent Mangan?" Trixie looked at Dan, seeking an explanation.

"Your dad recruited me to work with him right after I came to Sleepyside," he told her. "The feds thought my unsavory past would come in handy."

"Of course!" Mart snapped his fingers. "That explains why the cops in New York City, when Trixie solved the mystery about the big-headed statue, talked to you like you were in charge! And on the Mississippi River, why you were able to identify the federal agents so quickly!"

"So all this time," Honey wanted to know, "you've only been pretending to be a police officer?  You're really a federal agent?"

Dan shook his head.  "I retired after I graduated from high school.  I just couldn't stand not telling you guys the truth."

Trixie, with a tiny little growl, looked Dan up and down and licked her lips. Dan grabbed her. While they necked, Tiffani returned to business.

"Jim!" Honey looked horrified as Tiffani slapped handcuffs on him. "Why are you arresting my brother?"

"Your brother is a suspect in this matter, Ms. Wheeler. His girlfriend and his father -"

"Stepfather," Brian corrected her quickly.

Tiffani raised an eyebrow Jim’s way. "Do you want to tell them, or should I?" she asked him. When Jim didn’t reply she turned back to the group. "Jonesy is his real father. Jim assumed the identity of James Winthrop Frayne II at Jones’s insistence. It was his first foray into heir-impersonation."

Jim’s head hung in shame. "I didn’t do it on purpose," he mumbled. "I was only five years old - he told me ‘Jim’ was my real name, and that I needed to find my real family someday. I found out he was lying a couple of years ago." He looked up at his friends. "But I didn’t have any idea he was Roger! I didn’t even know he was out of prison!"

"As I said," Tiffani interjected, "Jim is a suspect. We’re going to take him down for questioning, find out how much he knew about the drugs being cultivated at Ten Acres."

"But he sold that land to Dan and Trixie!" Di exclaimed.

"Jim?" Trixie peered into the redhead’s face, forcing him to look at her. "Is that why you sold it to us?"

"No!" Jim shook his head vehemently. "I’m telling you, I’ve done nothing wrong! Trix," he said in a pleading voice, "you’ve got to believe me."

After a long moment of studying his face, Trixie stepped back and nodded. She looked around. "I believe him," she announced.

"Unlock him, Tiffani," Dan ordered. At her disbelieving look, he frowned threateningly. "If Trixie says he’s innocent, he’s innocent. Besides, Jim would never lie."

"Yeah," Mart agreed. "There’s no honor in it."

Tiffani reluctantly unlocked Jim’s cuffs and he smiled gratefully. "Thanks, gang. To tell you the truth, I had started to wonder about Mary - I mean Ruthie. She became enraged when she found out I’d sold the land. Now I know why."

"And Jonesy?" asked Trixie.

"Jonesy has been involved with Ruthie since they met in prison, when she was ‘Ronald Keller’. They planned to get their hands on Ten Acres and settle down to a respectable life. When that didn’t work, they decided to use the land to grow marijuana. Ruthie’s pasttime in high school was drug dealing, and she convinced him that it would make them rich. His marriage to your mother was only a backup plan."

"And I’d have gotten away with it, too," Jonesy snarled, "if it hadn’t been for these two crackpot agents and that nosy dog!"

Suddenly, Reddy came bounding up to the group, tongue lolling. Brian, with a scream of rage, pulled Dan’s gun out of its holster and took aim at the dog, hitting him squarely in the heart.

In what can only be described as hellish timing, Special Agent Linnie Moore came walking up to the group, leading a cuffed Cap Belden by his ponytail.

‘Why, she’s not in a wheelchair!’ Honey thought. ‘And she’s an agent, too, just like Dan and Tiffani! And, unbelievable though it may seem, Cap must be involved in Ruthie’s drug trafficking!’

"I’ve got him-" Linnie started to tell her fellow agents, before being struck in the spine by the bullet that had just killed Reddy. She collapsed to the ground, paralyzed.

"But I don’t understand," Trixie said. "What did Reddy have to do with it?"

"I think I can answer that one," came a familiar voice from the direction of the back porch. Everyone turned to look.

"Daddy!" shouted Trixie.

And it was Daddy. Although still dressed in Reverend Peters’s minister garb, he had disposed of his mask and was, unmistakably, Peter Belden. He stood with his arm around Mrs. Belden’s shoulders, smiling at his children.

"I never told you children this, but I am a federal agent, just like Dan, Tiffani, Linnie -" he paused and looked at the young woman, who was writhing in agony on the ground. Tiffani hurried to cover Linnie’s legs with an afgan. He continued --"and a host of other people in your acquaintance. Working at the bank was just my cover story until I seized the opportunity to fake my own death and go completely undercover. More recently, I’ve been operating out of Gordy Lytell’s shop as I coordinated this sting."

"Of course!" Mart looked at his father in admiration. "You knew that no one would ever go into a health store, which left you free to utilize the building. I never would have known about it if I hadn’t wandered in one day, looking for certain hard-to-find supplements."

"So Gordy never returned to Sleepyside after his uncle’s death, preferring instead to remain a postal worker in nearby Saskatchewan?" Brian asked.

Mr. Belden nodded.

"And Reddy?" Trixie prompted.

"After I’d reemerged as Gordy, Reddy still recognized me. We confiscated him, planting a fake, ‘dead’ Reddy under your mother’s car. The fake was actually a carefully-crafted model made entirely out of red hair clippings from the Wheelers’ trash. Ever since then we’ve been using him as a drug-sniffing dog."

"You said you ‘seized the opportunity’ to fake your death," Brian said. "Do you care to comment on that?"

"Certainly," Mr. Belden responded. "I was driving home from ‘the bank’ one evening when I came upon an accident involving Mr. Maypenny and an oak tree. Mr. Maypenny was a fellow agent, and he had apparently been targeted by some criminal element who had discovered his true identity. This criminal, whom I was unable to identify at the time, ran Mr. Maypenny off the road and then made a break for it. I got to the scene and found Mr. Maypenny just regaining consciousness. Thinking quickly, I moved him into my car, then placed a brick on the accelerator and ran it off a cliff. I then took his car and destroyed it, after which I circulated the story that Mr. Maypenny had left town to live in Florida. I did this as Gordy Lytell, since, having found my car with a dead body in it, the authorities believed me to be dead."

"And, Moms, you’re okay with all this?" Bobby asked his mother.

"Oh," Mrs. Belden said tearfully, "of course I am. Your father knows best, children. I never should have left the kitchen." She smiled happily when Peter gave her an approving smile.

"But I don’t get it," Brian complained. "If I’ve followed this story correctly, Ruthie and Jonesy only began their drug operation within the last year, and it didn’t even work for them. She tried killing Mr. Wheeler but failed miserably. Yet somehow they’ve grabbed the attention of a large number of federal agents, who seem to have been placed specifically in this little town, as far back as ten years ago. So my question is, how did Tom Brokaw know about it?"

Mr. Belden ordered Nana to step forward.

Nana did so, wiping off her makeup as she moved.

Everyone gasped, "Miss Trask!"

"I was wondering why Nana had come to your mother’s wedding," Honey told Trixie in a confidential aside. "I guess she’s an agent, too."

Trixie agreed. "That explains the sensible shoes."

Peter Belden pulled out his handcuffs and slapped them on Miss Trask’s manly wrists. "The gig is up, Marge. Agent Mangan discovered that you’d been masquerading as ‘Nana,’ using the Wheeler business as a way to distribute the pot you were growing." He turned to his eldest son. "Miss Trask is the biggest drug kingpin in New York State. She’s been dealing since the Wheelers bought Manor House and left her in charge. This is what Mr. Brokaw was referring to when he mentioned the ‘famous Sleepyside drug ring.’ But," he shook his head, "it is not the reason so many agents were placed here."

Everyone waited expectantly.

Finally Penny Lynch demanded, "Well?!"

Dan and Mr. Belden looked first at each other, then at the people around them. "Time warps," Dan informed them. "We were trying to figure out what had gone wrong with the space-time continuum in Sleepyside."

"Ohh…" Everyone nodded in understanding.

"And did you figure it out?" Tom Brokaw asked.

"Of course," Peter Belden answered. "Agent Mangan and Agent Mulder realized the government had been experimenting with ways to control the passage of time. They discovered that anyone who was in the Sleepyside area for too long would eventually stop aging. Because Dan came here so late in life, he was not as affected as the rest of us. He was actually able to have three birthdays in the time it took Bobby to age one week. Once he turned eighteen and left town, he was able to fix the time warp, get the escalator moving again, as it were."

"And what about Cap?" Mart wanted to know. "Hallie, too. They don’t live here, but they didn’t age for years, either."

"I bet I know the answer to that," Di chimed in. "It had to do with the marijuana they were getting from Miss Trask, right?"

Mr. Belden looked impressed. "That’s right. Apparently, the fact that it was grown in Sleepyside gave anyone who smoked it the same ‘benefits’ as living here would have."

Jim spoke up. "What about Nana, though? I mean, where is our real grandmother?"

Miss Trask chuckled evilly. "She met her fate at the bottom of a dumbwaiter shaft at Pirate’s Inn."

"Your family’s business?" Honey asked in confusion. "Why would she go there?"

Dan spoke up. "I can answer that."

Everyone turned expectantly. Linnie pushed herself up into a sitting position, curious.

"Mrs. Wheeler was looking for clues to the pirate’s treasure. You see, Wheeler Enterprises had been losing money. They were on the verge of bankruptcy, thanks to all the expensive business trips and hired help."

Honey looked worried. "Does that mean I’m not a poor little rich girl anymore? Are we broke?"

"Nah," Dan assured her. "Miss Trask actually has quite a head for figures. Once she took over as Geraldine, the company rebounded. You’re set for life."

"But wait a minute," Brian said. "Doesn’t honor demand that all the money they made off the drug trade be confiscated and used for a good cause?"

"Well, what could be better than using it for ourselves?" Honey asked reasonably.

Trixie turned to Dan. "What about us, sweetie? Don’t we get anything out of all this?"

"Of course, baby," he assured her. "In addition to the reward money for Ruthie and Jonesy, the government will be paying me my usual fee of ten million dollars."

Trixie looked relieved. Her book money wasn’t going to last forever, after all.

"Come on, men," Peter Belden addressed the agents under him. "Let’s get these low-lifes out of here."

The guests watched as the agents led their prisoners away. Linnie dragged herself along behind them.

"Well," Mrs. Belden said cheerfully, "who wants hamburgers?"

The End

NOTE #2: As NOTED above, this started out being for just a select few readers.  In converting it to something more acceptable for others, I may have left in a couple of hard-to-understand references or jokes.  If they rob you of any enjoyment, I apologize.  If you desperately want to know what something means, you can e-mail me at molnikhan@yahoo.com.

TBH Fan Fiction