*a mild expletive

Wannabe Author’s Note: Yes, I have taken characters that don’t belong to me and written this story, but I guarantee I treasure them more than Western Publishing does. I am still a starving grad student – meaning I have not made any money off of this story. So Western, if you want to sue, you are going to have to be satisfied with ramen noodles and macaroni & cheese, cuz that’s all I have.

Shadows of the Past

by Grad Student Dana

Chapter One: Memories

Twenty-two year old Trixie Belden faced her mirror and braced herself, but instead she was pleasantly surprised. Blue had always been her best color, so she shouldn’t have been too taken aback to discover that the blue cap and gown she wore looked pretty good with her shoulder length blond curls and bright blue eyes. Had she really made it this far? Was she really about to receive a college degree from Georgetown University? Trixie had always expected this day would be one of the happiest of her life, but too many worries hung heavily on her mind to truly be able to enjoy this day.

Jim. Jim Frayne. How had it come to this when they had been so close when they were younger? It had been so fun the summer she and Honey had discovered Jim in his uncle’s run-down mansion.

"Shake. My name’s Jim. What’s yours?
"I’m Trixie Belden, and I live down there at Crabapple Farm."

"Well, I never! You two tracked me down in less than a week, you sleuths, you!"
"You don’t have to worry about Jonesy anymore, Jim."

"I have so got ambition. It’s all settled. Honey and I are going to be private detectives."
"And call your agency Schoolgirl Shamuses, Incorporated, I suppose. I can just see your business cards. ‘When the FBI gives up, we take over,’ printed in red."
"You’ve got to admit that we were pretty smart about finding you, Jim Frayne."

They had shared so many adventures since then, and eventually they had shared a love Trixie had thought would last forever. She remembered the first time she realized how much she cared for James Winthrop Frayne the Second.

"It’s for you, Trixie. I got it in Valley Park yesterday."
"It has your name on it, Jim. Put it on for me will you?"
"You know what it means don’t you?"
"Tell me."
"It means you’re my special girl, Trixie. As if you didn’t know that already."

And now? Here it was, her college graduation – the pinnacle of her life thus far – and he could not even set aside their differences for one day to attend the ceremony with the rest of their friends and families. Wasn’t he happy for her? Wasn’t he just the least bit proud that the girl he had to tutor in math in high school had managed to graduate with honors from a prestigious university? She had swallowed her pride and put aside her differences to attend not just one, but both of his graduations from Columbia University. Last year when Jim had earned his Master’s in Business Administration she had told her boyfriend that he could not travel to New York with her to attend the graduation. It would be too uncomfortable for all involved, she reasoned. Matt accused her of still being hung up on Jim and never forgave her for leaving him in Washington D.C. while she traveled home. It had been the beginning of the end of their relationship. And what had she gotten in return? To see Jim and his beautiful "flavor of the month" Jessica kissing and flirting all weekend.

Trixie had been hurt the previous evening when her bestfriend, Honey Wheeler, had broken the news that her adopted brother would not be travelling to D.C. Honey and their other bestfriend (and Trixie’s sister-in-law) Diana Belden had driven down to D.C. together and were staying in Trixie’s Georgetown apartment that weekend to celebrate Trixie’s graduation. The rest of the Belden family, including Trixie’s parents, three brothers and cousin Hallie, as well as Diana’s and Honey’s parents, were staying at a downtown D.C. hotel. Dan Mangan, another one of their closest friends, was able to make the trip down and was staying at the hotel as well.

It had been Honey’s idea that the girls have a weekend long "slumber party – just like old times!!" Trixie had enthusiastically agreed to the idea as she missed her friends terribly during the school year and loved to spend time with them during vacations as much as she could. But after Honey had gently broken the news about Jim’s decision to not come, Trixie hadn’t felt very festive. Diana and Honey knew how upset Trixie was, but they respected her privacy, and instead of trying to get her to talk about it, they did the best to cheer her up and keep her mind off of Jim as much as possible.

Trixie scowled at the mirror and told herself to stop thinking about Jim. But then her mind wandered to her other problem. There was another matter that couldn’t be ignored much longer, the matter of…

"Trixie?" Honey’s sweet voice broke Trixie’s reverie. "Trix, you almost ready? I’m going to break down that door soon!!!"

Trixie laughed and her mood was broken. Honey had unfailingly been able to cheer her up since they were both thirteen. For a brief moment, Trixie was transported back in time to the summer she had met her bestfriend.

"I’m Trixie Belden. My kid brother and I live in the hollow in that little white frame house – Crabapple Farm you know."
"How do you do. My name is Honey – Honey Wheeler."

"We’ll go and look for Jim ourselves, Honey and I."
"It’s a perfectly wonderful idea. We’ll go in our trailer. Oh we’ll have a wonderful time, won’t we Trixie?"

"Come on in – it’s open!" She called as she turned toward the door to greet her friend.

Tall and slim with honey brown hair and hazel eyes, Honey looked perfect in her emerald green summer dress. Following right behind her, beautiful Diana wore a pretty dress in her signature color of lavender which set off her violet eyes and shiny black hair.

"You look great, Trix," Diana complemented her friend.

"Yeah, tassles do wonders for you," Honey teased.

"You just wait, Honey Wheeler, it’s your turn next week to get dressed up in this ridiculous outfit with a piece of cardboard on your head!" Trixie shot back with a smile.

"I believe it’s called a mortar board and I am looking forward to it after four long, hard years at NYU! Of course, mine is purple and would look much better on Diana!"

"At least yours is an interesting color. Westchester Community College didn’t even have school colors – we all wore black when we got our associates degrees!" Diana retorted.

"Amazing isn’t it?" Trixie asked. "I mean when you think of how many graduations we Bob-Whites have gone through starting with Brian and Jim’s graduation seven years ago from good ole’ Sleepyside Junior-Senior High!"

"I know! It seems like we’re forever getting dressed up to go to someone’s graduation," Diana agreed.

"Or a wedding," Honey put in slyly with a side look at Diana.

"You know perfectly well that my wedding to Mart last June was the first wedding we’ve had since Hans and Julianna got married ages ago," Diana protested. And not to be outdone she added, "And now that you’re graduating, Honey, maybe we’ll have another one to plan!"

Diana’s words had their desired effect – Honey instantly turned bright red. It was no secret that when she and Brian had gotten back together and begun seriously dating during Brian’s first year of medical school that they would someday be married. As Honey tried to stammer out an answer, Trixie quickly jumped in to change the subject – not out of tact as Honey would have done, but because she was in on Brian’s happy secret and she knew she didn’t have the willpower to keep quiet if the conversation stayed in this vein. "It really is unbelievable, all of the graduation ceremonies we’ve gone to."

"Right, two years after Jim and Brian’s, there was Dan and Mart’s and then all of ours the year after that," Honey eagerly put in, glad to have the conversation steered safely away from her and Brian’s romantic future.

Diana added, "And then the next year both Brian and Jim graduated from Columbia."

"That was the same year we all flew out to Idaho to see Hallie graduate," Trixie said immediately, trying to erase the image of Jim with Megan that popped into her head at the mention of that graduation.

Honey looked at Diana. "It was that next year that you got your associates in Art History and started working at the Sleepyside Museum, if memory serves. I believe that rock on your finger was your favorite graduation gift!"

Diana nodded and giggled at the memory of how nervous Mart had been when he asked her to marry him. Two monumental things had happened that day – he was so nervous that he had forgotten to use the biggest words he could think of AND he had hardly touched his dinner at the fancy restaurant in New York he had taken her to.

"Finally, last year, there were THREE graduations to go to," Trixie ticked them off on her fingers. "Dan’s from NYU, Mart’s from Cornell, and Jim’s second Columbia graduation."

Honey knew how talk of that particular graduation upset Trixie, so she gave her friend a hug. "And now yours from Georgetown! I’m so proud of you, Trix!"

Diana yelled "Group hug!!!" and the three dissolved into laughter as they all tried to hug each other.

When they were done laughing, Trixie grinned mischievously. "And next year we also have Hallie’s from NYU and Brian’s from medical school. Maybe I’ll go to grad school just so we can all do this AGAIN!"

Honey was indignant. "You’ll do no such thing, Trixie Belden! You are coming back to New York and we are finally going to open the Belden-Wheeler detective agency! Now let’s go and get you graduated!" Honey turned and left the room at this last remark and didn’t see the smile disappear from Trixie’s face, a look of worry and guilt clouding her normally sunny features. Diana saw the look and wondered what trouble was brewing.

Trixie stood inside one of the air conditioned buildings on campus, waiting for the processional to get organized. She had wanted to be early, but now she realized she had arrived too early. It would be another 45 minutes before they would have to line up alphabetically, so she had time to just think quietly about her four years at the university she had come to love so much.

It had all started with a dream – the dream of escaping Sleepyside for just a little while. She knew deep down that she could never live anywhere else, but before she settled down to life in the quiet village, she wanted to explore, to see the world. The other Bob-Whites, for the most part, had been content to go to school in New York City, it was exciting and yet close to home, but Trixie knew that she needed to travel somewhere to satisfy her wanderlust. She looked at universities out in California, but she just couldn’t picture herself as a "California girl." She thought about Big Ten schools, but knew she didn’t want to spend four years in the Mid-West. Finally, she realized Georgetown was perfect. It was still on the East Coast, driving distance from Sleepyside, and Washington D.C. was such an exciting city: FBI Headquarters, the Pentagon, the Capitol, the White House.

She knew her family would miss her, she knew that Honey would be disappointed at not having her as a roommate at NYU, and she knew that Jim wanted her near him in New York, but she never doubted that they would support her in her decision to leave New York to go to school. She had pulled her grades up considerably since her freshman year and had no trouble getting in. Her acceptance letter had arrived in January of her senior year and she had sent her positive response in immediately. True to her expectations, Trixie’s family just wanted what was best for her, and if Georgetown would make Trixie happy, then so be it. Honey was sad at first, but never one to be selfish she also told Trixie how proud she was that she had gotten into such a first rate school and she promised to visit her as many weekends as her studies would allow.

It was Jim’s reaction she had never expected. When he had gone off to college, she had missed him – things just weren’t the same in Sleepyside without Jim and Brian. When he started to date, that had been hard on her too, but their friendship remained relatively strong. When Jim had come home after his first year at Columbia and told her that none of the girls he met compared to her and they began dating, Trixie had been on cloud nine! To have Brian realize at the same time what Honey meant to him, had made that summer extra special. Mart and Diana had paired off the year before, but now all of a sudden, Trixie and Honey had boyfriends too! That summer had been perfectly perfect.

For a year and a half, Trixie contentedly dated Jim, living for weekends and vacations when she could see him. And then she had decided to do something on her own. Jim had taken it personally – thinking that she was trying to get away from him.

"Why do you have to go so far away? Why can’t you come to New York? I was looking forward to being able to see you more than just every other weekend. Haven’t I been a good boyfriend?"

"Jim, you’re the best and I love you with all of my heart, but I just feel like this is what I need to do."

"Why? I had plans for us, Trix."

"I hope you still do. I just want to sow some oats before I settle down in Sleepyside and open the agency with Honey."

"Sow some oats? Like what? Dating other guys?"

"No! I don’t want to date other guys. I love being your girlfriend, I want to remain your girlfriend. It will be just like it is now – D.C.’s not so far away. We’ll be able to see each other almost as often as we do now."

"No, it’s not the same. And it won’t be the same."

"Jim, you’re scaring me. Why won’t it be the same?"

Jim had looked at her for a long time before answering, something heartbreaking in his green eyes. "It can never be the same because I’ll always know that you left me not because you had to, but because you wanted to."

"Jim! I’m not leaving YOU, I’m just leaving New York for a little while. I’ll be back, Jim, I promise."

"Don’t make promises you can’t keep."

Silence, seeming to last an eternity.

"There’s no way I can talk you out of this is there? You have your mind all set, just like you always did when we were kids."

Trixie swallowed hard and wiped away the tears running unashamedly down her cheeks. "I’m sorry, Jim, but my mind is made up. I don’t know how to convince you that I’m not leaving you, but this is something I feel I need to do."

Jim nodded. "Fine, then let’s not discuss it anymore. We’ll just try to enjoy the months we have left before you leave."

Trixie was too emotionally exhausted to argue.

Trixie shook herself out of her reverie and looked around. More graduating seniors had shown up, and several faculty members were running around, trying to keep things organized. Trixie’s watch showed she still had a half an hour before the processional. She debated going for a walk, but decided to just stay where she was. Trixie tried to keep her mind occupied with happy thoughts and banish thoughts of Jim from her mind. She remembered her first week in the dorms, how scared but how excited she had been. Her mind wandered to thoughts of all of the frisbee games she and her friends had played on the lawn of the mall, museums and monuments a backdrop to their fun. Thoughts of how stimulating her criminal justice classes had been compared to boring old algebra at Sleepyside Junior-Senior High, of long walks through Georgetown in the summer rain, of nights spent studying in the coffee house near her apartment and all night talking marathons with her friends in the 24 hour diner couldn’t compete with thoughts of Jim and finally her mind succumbed to the memory of her last night in Sleepyside before she left for college.

Jim threw his chop sticks down. "Trixie, I can’t do this!"

Trixie laughed. "Then just use your fork, silly." It was their last night together before Trixie left for Georgetown. She had chosen to go to a new Chinese restaurant the Hakaito brothers had just opened in Sleepyside. Although she was crying inside because she already missed Jim so much, she was determined to be cheerful on their last night together.

"No, I can’t do this. Us. Long distance."

Trixie froze. "What do you mean?" She was especially nervous because Jim couldn’t look her in the eye. In all the years that she had known him, Jim had never not been able to look her in the eye.

"Trix, after you leave tomorrow…"

Trixie’s mouth was dry but she managed to whisper, "Yes?"

"After you leave…I think we should make a clean break."

Shock and numbness descended over Trixie and she didn’t even realize she had dropped her chop sticks.

Jim continued to talk, but she didn’t hear a word he said. She had expected a lot of things when she decided to go to Georgetown, but never this. Jim had always supported her. She and Jim were meant to be together. Forever. She couldn’t imagine a life without Jim. For an instant Trixie almost shouted, "Fine! If it means that much to you I will stay here. I will go to NYU. Just please don’t leave me!" But then anger took over. She had a right to make her own decisions; she had turned 18 almost three months before. She was the one in control of her life. She was the one who had to live it. "Who was Jim Frayne to make her change her plans?" she thought angrily. "The man you love more than anyone on this earth," her unwanted conscience answered..

"Trixie? Trixie, will you please say something?"

"I’m not sure what you want me to say, Jim."

"Anything. I hate this silence. I hate hurting you."

"Well, you’re certainly doing a damn good job of it!" Trixie spat out.

Jim’s red-haired temper flared. "No more than you’re hurting me by leaving!"

"So that’s what this is about! You have this twisted idea that I’m leaving you, so now you have to get back at me by leaving me." Trixie stood up. "Fine, James Winthrop Frayne, you’ve evened the score. Happy now?"

With that she ran from the restaurant, ignoring the stares of the other diners, ignoring Oto’s concerned "Miss Tlixie!," ignoring everything until she was down the block and in front of Town Hall. Hoppy looked down upon her, but for once Trixie didn’t notice the grasshopper weathervane. She ducked into one of the doorways and held her breath until Jim ran by, looking for her. When she was sure he was gone, she finally let the tears come. Sobs wracked her body until she was spent and she finally found a pay phone and called Honey to come pick her up. She needed her best friend.

"Okay, places everyone!" A shrill female voice startled Trixie into the present. "It’s time graduates! Let’s get organized and then commence, shall we?"

Trixie looked around. Excitement was in the air and fortunately it was contagious. Trixie realized then that no matter what, today was her day. She had earned it and she was going to enjoy it. Enough of the last four years had been spent dwelling on a red-headed boy who obviously didn’t care enough about her to even show up on her graduation day. From now on, she vowed, all of her feelings for Jim were dead. Gone. Forgotten. Commencement was a beginning and this would be the beginning of her adult life. The life where she would start a career. Pay her own way. Prove herself. Jim had just become ancient history as far as she was concerned.

Sitting in chairs on the beautiful lawn in front of the centuries old Healy building, families and friends awaited the processional of the graduating seniors. It was a large and happy group that had gathered to watch Miss Beatrix Belden (Trixie to her friends) receive her Bachelor of Science Degree in Criminology from Georgetown University. Helen and Peter Belden sat amongst their sons, their niece, and family friends and felt very content. Helen smiled as she watched Mart lean over to whisper something to his wife, receiving Diana’s lovely smile and a tender look in response. She enjoyed watching Brian and Honey sitting together, their hands entwined, as they sat and took in the graduation ambience. How wonderful it was that her sons had found such happiness with Trixie’s bestfriends, two girls she had grown to love as daughters over the years. Even her only niece, Hallie, looked very content sitting next to Dan, laughing as she watched her boyfriend play rock, paper, scissors with 14-year-old Bobby. When had they all grown up?

"Cobbett’s Island isn’t much more than three or four hours’ drive from here…I won’t need anything but my old blue jeans and those shirts we used for gym last year – and maybe a new bathing suit?"
"Why, Trixie, don’t tell me you’re interested in getting something new for a change. Is my girl growing up?"

"I just want to wash my face and hands and change my clothes. Moms, Janie is the bravest girl in the whole world."
"I have two brave girls, but, oh, Trixie, only my hairdresser will know and she’ll touch up the Grey spots in my hair! You should leave that kind of exploit to the boys."

Just then, as if she could read Helen’s thoughts, Mrs. Wheeler leaned over. "It’s beautiful to watch them all grown up, isn’t it?" Helen’s eyes misted and she nodded her agreement. Mrs. Lynch caught their eyes and winked. All three women, surrounded by their families and closest friends, understood how blessed they were to share this special group. If only Jim had been there, it would have been "perfectly perfect."

 

Everybody quieted down as they heard the first strains of "Pomp and Circumstance" (Bobby still called it "The Graduation Song" – he had certainly heard it enough in recent years!) and watched the graduation processional as the seniors came out of the nearby building and crossed the quad. Peter Belden’s heart swelled with pride as he realized his little girl, his only daughter, was about to graduate with honors from college.

"Now don’t tease your sister, Mart. She just decided she has to have a new bathing suit."
"Well, I guess our princess wants to look her best at Cobbett’s Island. I just hope she gets a blue suit. It’s my favorite color."

"It’s Jim’s stepfather! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Where are you Trixie? The lights are all out, all over the house."
"He must have cut the wires!"
"Who? Trixie, pull yourself together. There, now, tell me – who cut the wires?"
"Jim’s stepfather. We saw him. He came here to harm Janie. He was going toward her window! Oh, Daddy!"

Peter had always been proud of his daughter – she was generous and kind, thinking of other’s before herself, and also making the world a safer place to live while she was at it. She had accomplished a lot, but Peter could sit back, relax, and enjoy this moment – one of her safest accomplishments yet!

"Shake. My name’s Jim. What’s yours?
"I’m Trixie Belden, and I live down there at Crabapple Farm."

"Well, I never! You two tracked me down in less than a week, you sleuths, you!"
"You don’t have to worry about Jonesy anymore, Jim."

"I have so got ambition. It’s all settled. Honey and I are going to be private detectives."
"And call your agency Schoolgirl Shamuses, Incorporated, I suppose. I can just see your business cards. ‘When the FBI gives up, we take over,’ printed in red."
"You’ve got to admit that we were pretty smart about finding you, Jim Frayne."

"It’s for you, Trixie. I got it in Valley Park yesterday."
"It has your name on it, Jim. Put it on for me will you?"
"You know what it means don’t you?"
"Tell me."
"It means you’re my special girl, Trixie. As if you didn’t know that already."

Sitting alone amid the graduation crowd, Jim Frayne watched the processional, his eyes searching until they found the beautiful, spunky blonde that they sought. Jim blinked back uncharacteristic tears and felt his heart fill with pride as he watched the girl he had loved for so long walk up to the stage and accept the degree that she had wanted for so long and had fought so hard for. His Trixie had finally come into her own.

To Be Continued

Flashbacks are quoted (or slightly modified) from Trixie Belden Book #’s 1, 2, 3, 13 and 16.

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