Chapter Three: Choices

Trixie stared at the handsome redhead standing before her in his tuxedo and could not help but feel a little out of breath. A memory flashed through her mind of another time Jim stood before her in a tux; it had been her senior prom, and she had reveled in the feel of his arms around her as they danced, oblivious to everyone else. Suddenly, fiercely, Trixie missed that feeling.

"Of course, Jim," Trixie managed to say, her heart in her throat.

Jim lead Trixie to the middle of the dance floor and, somewhat awkwardly, pulled her close to him. Neither said a word, too busy were they trying to think of the perfect opening line and feeling the stares of their friends and families. Finally, Trixie managed a hesitant smile and decided Jim’s school would be a safe topic. "Mart says your school is doing well."

Jim nodded, pleased that Trixie had chosen such a benign topic. "It is, but it’s been a lot of work. Right now we have 26 boys between the ages of 7 and 15. I have one teacher who teaches the seven boys between the ages of 7 and 10 all of their indoor classes, like math, science, and English. Mart teaches the older kids their biology and chemistry classes. I have two additional teachers, one for math and one for English and history for the older boys. I teach all of the outdoor classes with the help of two assistants. Once a week Regan gives them in-depth training in riding and horsemanship."

"Well, I’m glad it’s worked out for you, Jim. You’ve wanted this ever since I’ve known you, and I’m glad you saw your dream realized," Trixie said sincerely.

Not the dream I always had of us together though, Jim thought bitterly. Trixie noticed the change on his face and realized she had said the wrong thing, but she couldn’t figure out what was so awful about what she’d just said.

Jim smiled then, willing himself not to bring up old wounds. "Now I just need your brother on staff as resident doctor."

Trixie nodded, glad the conversation was going to remain amicable. "It will be a few years before he’s able to join you, though. After this year he has his internship and residency."

"That’s true, but fortunately pediatrics isn’t a long residency. If he wanted to be the house surgeon it be over 10 years from now before I could get my hands on him!"

They chuckled over this and then lapsed into silence.

"And you Trixie? Did your time at Georgetown prepare you to open the Belden-Wheeler detective agency with my sister?"

"It was really great training, especially the summer internship I attended last summer at Quantico."

"That was with the FBI, right?"

Trixie nodded again. "It was tough, but I learned a lot."

"Well, I’m glad it was worth leaving me for then," the words slipped out of Jim’s mouth before he had a chance to stop them. He immediately wished he could take them back and opened his mouth to apologize.

But it was too late. "Are we going to have this argument again?" Trixie kept her voice down, but her body had gone tense and her eyes were blazing. "Can’t you get past this and grow up, Frayne. You’re acting like a spoiled brat who’s still bitter because, awww, poor baby didn’t get his way."

The apology Jim was forming was forgotten as his well-known temper flared at Trixie’s words. "Right, I’m the spoiled brat - and you’re the frightened little girl who had to run away because she was too afraid to commit."

"Too afraid to commit? That’s a load of bull - you were the one who was too afraid to commit to a long distance relationship. You need your admirers close by to stoke your ego," Trixie’s infamous temper was also up.

Neither of the two noticed that the slow song had given away to a faster number and people around them were dancing, pretending not to notice the two of them standing inches apart and obviously in the middle of an intense squabble. Honey and Di both started over toward the angry pair, but Mart and Brian held them back. "They need this, believe it or not," Mart admonished.

Brian managed a wry smile to try to relieve some of the tension. "Besides, I’ve got medical training if there are any casualties."

"My ego? Trixie, I was heartbroken when you left me!" Jim was saying out on the dance floor.

"Oh yeah, I could tell just how heartbroken you were. You were dating Megan, what, like a week after I left? I’m glad it was so easy to get over me and move on with your life."

"Just because I started dating Megan right after you left doesn’t mean it was easy for me."

"You know, Jim, if it had just been a fling, maybe I could believe that. Maybe I could believe that you were just hurt and trying to get back at me or whatever, but you were with her for over two years. You were obviously able to forget about me and what we shared and build this great long term relationship with Megan," Trixie said the hated name with all the bitterness she had ever felt toward the dainty blond girl who was everything she herself was not. Tears welled up in her blue eyes and she was angry - angry at herself for letting Jim Frayne see her cry. She had to go, she had to get out of there before she really lost it in front of him. "And I have lived with that every single day for the last four years." With that she ran out of the ballroom, leaving Jim standing among a throng of dancers, ignoring the looks of pity he knew people were throwing his way.

Honey looked at Brian. "I’m going after her," she called, already heading toward the wide, ornately carved oak doors. Diana immediately followed.

Brian and Mart exchanged looks. "Time to repair the damage," Brian said as they headed toward Jim, still standing stock still in the middle of the dance floor.

Honey and Diana followed Trixie to the clubhouse, where they found her sobbing.

"Why? Why does he always do this to me? Make me cry?" Trixie asked rhetorically.

Honey hugged her friend. "Because he means a lot to you, and people who mean a lot to us bring out strong feelings - it’s human nature, Trix."

Diana sat down on the other side of Trixie. "It’s not always going to be like this. One of two things is going to happen: either you knuckleheads will finally realize what you mean to each other, or eventually the feelings and the pain will fade and you will find somebody who loves you and you love and you will move on."

Trixie nodded at Diana’s words, knowing they were true. But as much as it hurt to fight with Jim tonight, the thought of finding love with someone else somehow hurt even more.

A knock at the clubhouse door startled the three girls. Trixie hurriedly tried to wipe the tears away before Honey went to see who it was. When Trixie saw Dan’s worried face peek around the door, relief mingled inside her with regret that it wasn’t Jim.

"Is this a girls only kind of thing, or can a Y chromosome enter?" Dan tried to joke.

Trixie chuckled. "Well, as long as you’re the bearer of the Y chromosome, it can enter!"

Dan moved to sit awkwardly on the table next to where Trixie was sitting on the bench. He knew he had wanted to come down here to comfort his friend, but now that he was here, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. Trixie seemed to sense this and looked up at him.

"Is my cousin driving you so nuts that you had to take refuge?" She joked.

Dan smiled. "Something like that. You okay?"

Trixie nodded. "Of course!" She said brightly, much brighter than she felt, and everyone knew it.

"Listen, Trix, I don’t know what Jim said to you, or what you said to him, but from a guy’s point of view, I’m telling you, you are a beautiful, feisty, loyal, fun woman who has a lot to offer a guy, so don’t sell yourself short."

Trixie nodded and smiled, feeling a wave of exhaustion suddenly sweep over her. The anxiety that had been building all week, the emotional roller coaster of seeing Jim, and the fight had combined to take their toll on Trixie. All of a sudden, she didn’t even feel as though she could keep her eyes open.

"Thanks, everyone, for trying to make me feel better, but I guess all of the excitement has caught up with me and I just want to go to sleep. Honey, you need to get back to Brian and your party and you two," Trixie looked at Di and Dan, "I have family members back at that party waiting for you who will scalp me if I keep you here."

"Don’t worry about us, Trix," Diana stated.

"No, don’t. Let Dan walk you back to Crabapple Farm so you can get some rest. You do look exhausted," Honey observed.

Trixie smiled wanly. "I’ve been travelling up and down that path since I was a kid. Dan should go back to the party with you, I’ll be fine." She saw the looks on her friends’ faces. "I promise!"

Hours later, Trixie, as tired as she was when she left the clubhouse, tossed and turned and fret, unable to sleep. With all of this anxiety about Jim I haven’t even been able to formulate a coherent thought about my decision. I have to make up my mind soon, Honey and I are going to look at office spaces to lease tomorrow. What am I going to do?

After a restless night of fitful sleep, Trixie was awakened the next morning by the sound of the telephone. No one seemed to be answering it, so she grabbed the bedside extension herself.

"Belden residence," she said sleepily into the phone.

"Trixie Belden, please," a deep, masculine voice said. Trixie immediately recognized it.

"This is Trixie," she stated.

"Trixie, it’s Alex."

"Hi, Alex, I still have some time to decide you know," Trixie said somewhat defensively.

"Hey, Trixie, I know but I haven’t heard from you in a while and that worries me," Alex confessed. Twenty-eight year old Alex Barfield had been one of Trixie’s assistant instructors the summer before at her FBI training program at Quantico. The two had formed a special bond and had continued their friendship after Trixie returned to Georgetown for her senior year. Quantico wasn’t far from school and the two had managed to meet for dinner a couple of times during the year. The two had a solid friendship, but Alex had also seen something in his young protégé that he wanted develop. She was one of the brightest students he had seen, and when he investigated into her background, he had been quite impressed with her talent for solving mysteries, even at a young age. When he first read her file he had thought to himself, Like a young Nancy Drew, but much spunkier and more real.

He knew of Trixie’s desire to start the Belden-Wheeler Detective Agency with her bestfriend, but he also knew that she would make a wonderful Special Agent and spoke to his friends in recruiting about her. They agreed with his assessment and had offered Trixie a starting position with the FBI; a position that excited Trixie, but that she was also reluctant to accept. It wasn’t just that she would be letting Honey down, but her dream was to be a private detective, not a Special Agent. Still, Trixie had to admit that she got a little thrill when she imagined pulling out her badge and saying, "Trixie Belden, FBI. I need to ask you some questions, sir." The X-Files wasn’t one of her favorite shows for nothing!

In Sleepyside, surrounded by reminders of her childhood dreams, she suddenly found it hard to talk to Alex; she knew he expected so much from her. "I’m sorry, Alex, graduation and all you know."

"I know, congratulations! Did you get my card?" Alex inquired.

"Yes, I did. Thanks. I was going to call you…" Trixie’s voice trailed off.

"I know, Trixie. I also know why you didn’t. I don’t want to pressure you, but at the same time I want you to realize the training you could get from the FBI. The kind of career you could have," Alex coaxed.

Trixie sighed. "I know, but as I’ve explained to you, this is very complicated."

"I know, but I don’t want you to get stuck in a little town handling menial private eye jobs when you could be involved in some really interesting cases," Alex started to rationalize.

"I know you’re worried that I’ll be wasting my talents, but Honey and I are looking at office space in White Plains. That’s close enough to New York for some ‘excitement,’ as you’re always saying," Trixie explained.

"You can always open your agency later, after you’ve gotten some great experience from the FBI," Alex countered. "The boys are interested in your partner too, you know. It’s not like you have to abandon her."

"I know, but Honey isn’t really cut out for the FBI," Trixie started to say.

"What? The way you talked about your bestfriend, I thought she could walk on water!" Alex joked.

"No, it’s not that she couldn’t handle it, because she definitely could. But I don’t think she’d have the interest to really want to make a career out of it."

"How do you know if you don’t ask her?"

"Because I know Honey. If she did it, it would be out of loyalty to me because she would think that’s what I would want, but I want her to be happy in her career. She’ll be happy as a private investigator, but I don’t think she would be as a Special Agent," Trixie clarified.

Alex debated if he wanted to say what was on his mind; it would probably anger Trixie. He decided to go ahead and say it, they were too good of friends to hold anything back. "Is this about Jim?"

Trixie sucked in her breath and started to lose her temper, and then suddenly she stopped. Was it about Jim? Is my desire to hang on to my childhood dream, to settle here in Sleepyside, all about staying near Jim? It was a sobering thought.

"I’m sorry, Trixie, I’ve crossed the line this time," Alex was apologizing.

"No, Alex, it’s all right. You may have a point. I saw him for the first time in ages last night and it did not go well."

"Worse than Christmas?" Alex wanted to know.

"Depends. Do you prefer frosty conditions or Fourth of July fireworks?"

"So I guess if there were ‘fireworks’ you two said more to each other than you did at Christmas," Alex guessed.

"Said more, yelled more, you name it."

Alex gave a sympathetic sound and decided to stop pushing - for now. "Well, Trix, I wish you luck with all you’ve got on your mind. Keep us in mind though, okay?"

"I will," Trixie promised.

After she hung up, she pulled on her favorite Georgetown sweatshirt and a pair of cut-off sweats and headed downstairs to the sunny kitchen. The first thing she noticed was a large bouquet of roses.

"Dad’s such a sweetie to get you roses when it’s not even your birthday or anniversary!" Trixie declared as she grabbed bread to make toast.

"They arrived at the same time the phone started ringing this morning," her mother explained. "But they’re not for me. They are for a certain Miss Trixie Belden."

Trixie looked up at her mom in surprise. "Really?
Moms nodded. "Really and truly. I take it the phone call was for you also since you didn’t call down for anyone. For someone who’s only been in town a few days, you sure are popular," her mom teased.

Trixie stared at the roses. Could Jim be feeling so bad about their argument last night that he sent her flowers? She remembered the first flowers she had ever received - orchids from Jim before Di’s Valentine’s Party. How happy she’d been then!

Her mother noticed the look of confusion and curiosity on Trixie’s face. "There’s only one way to find out if Jim sent them, and that’s to read the card."

Trixie flushed as she reached for the card. The handwriting on the envelope simply said "Trixie Belden," and was written in an unfamiliar handwriting that looked feminine. The florist must have taken the order over the phone and wrote the card herself, Trixie mused.

The same handwriting on the card inside spelled out a cryptic rhyme:

Over the years

Sometimes I’ve been blue

But that all stops

When I think of you

"Is it from Jim?" Moms wondered.

Trixie looked up. "I don’t know. If they are from him, he didn’t sign his name." She offered her mother the card to read.

"Maybe he’s just being shy?" Moms tried to rationalize. "If it works, and you’re no longer mad at him, then he’ll own up to it. If you’re still mad, then he saves some face by not signing them."

Trixie thought about that for a moment. "I don’t know, Moms. That doesn’t seem like Jim, but then again, Jim has done a lot of things I never expected him to do."

"You could ask him."

"And if they’re not from him? No, I’d just feel like a jerk. I’ll just wait and see if I can detect any clues from him that he’s the mysterious sender of the flowers," Trixie decided.

Moms shrugged. "Suit yourself. Just enjoy them - they are a beautiful arrangement. Maybe they’re from Matt? Or another admirer?"

Trixie smiled ruefully. "If I have any admirers, Moms, they’re all of the secret variety. And Matt and I haven’t spoken since right after I got back from Quantico."

"Well, it doesn’t really matter. There’s nothing sinister about roses," Moms said as she bustled about the kitchen.

Trixie stared at the card, willing its hidden meaning to reveal itself to her. No, nothing sinister about roses.

After a shower, Trixie was heading up the path to the Manor House to meet Honey. Trixie knew it was silly to go looking for an office to lease if she had the slightest chance of taking this offer with the FBI, but for some reason she was unwilling to unload her troubles on Honey just yet. She knocked on the door and smiled at the pretty maid who answered. "Hi Celia!"

"Trixie! It’s so good to see you! Honey’s upstairs in her room. Do you remember the way?" Celia asked with a twinkle in her eye.

Trixie chuckled. "I believe I just might!" As she passed by the library on her way upstairs, Trixie saw Miss Trask bent over the desk, attending to business. She wondered if the older woman was happy managing the affairs of the Wheeler household, or if she longed to run away to some tropical island with Mr. Lytell. Honey said that the two were still known to get together and play cards or watch television, but there had never been a hint of romance, not even a fond look or two.

On her way upstairs, she ran into Honey coming down the stairs. "I heard the door," Honey explained. "I knew it had to be you."

"You always were a great detective," Trixie teased.

Honey played along. "You know, I believe you’re right. I think we’re going to have to call our agency the Wheeler-Belden Detective Agency!"

Trixie laughed out loud. "You’re forgetting something - it’s going to have to be Belden and Belden pretty soon."

Honey smiled and involuntarily looked at her hand. "You’re right as usual, Trix."

Trixie saw the look of pure happiness that came over Honey’s face as she thought of her future as "Mrs. Honey Belden." There was no way for the FBI to fit into that. If that’s what Trixie chose, she knew she would be going it alone.

Honey grabbed the keys to her blue Saturn and the list of offices they were to visit and the two girls headed out the door and into the early June sunshine. The two friends chatted happily on the way to White Plains, but Honey knew that Trixie had things on her mind. She also knew that there was more to it than just Jim, but she decided to bide her time and see if Trixie confided her troubles.

Neither girl was satisfied with the first four offices they saw and decided to take a break at a quaint little restaurant down the street from what used to be Manton’s flower shop. When the two girls had placed their orders and were sipping their iced tea, Trixie finally broached the subject of Jim.

"Do you thing I’m hung up on Jim?" Trixie asked point blank.

Honey took a long time to answer. "I don’t know, Trix. I guess it’s only natural if you are. You’ve been in love with him for most of your formative years."

Trixie nodded and slipped back into thought. "Do you think if I hadn’t started dating Matt when I did that Jim would have wanted to get back together with me?"

"I don’t know, Trix. It broke my heart that after two years alone at college, you finally start dating someone, and then Jim and Megan finally break up right after. The timing was lousy, but I don’t think that just because you were both unattached that you would have gotten back together. I mean, you were both unattached this whole last year, and you’re not together."

Trixie nodded again; Honey really was smart about this sort of thing. "You know that Matt and I broke up because he thought that I was still hung up on Jim." Honey nodded. "Well, what if he was right? What if that’s the real reason I didn’t want him to come to Jim’s graduation with me?"

"Honestly, Trix, deep down that could have been part of it, but mostly I think it’s just because you are a considerate person. I mean, Matt went with you to both Dan and Mart’s graduations, when you knew you were going to see Jim. But out of respect for my brother, you didn’t want to bring him to Jim’s graduation. Maybe you did have some deep-seated psychological motive, but I doubt it," Honey assured her friend.

Trixie debated whether or not to tell Honey the other reasons she thought she might be too hung up on Jim, but that would involve telling her about the FBI’s offer. Now is as good a time as any, Trixie told herself.

"Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this," Trixie began, just as their food arrived. The girls stopped their conversation long enough to rearrange their sandwiches and take a few hungry bites.

"I could tell you had something on your mind besides Jim, so out with it," Honey finally said between mouthfuls.

"You know me too well, Honey Wheeler. All right, here it is." Trixie took a deep breath before she explained. "Apparently I made quite an impression with the FBI last summer, because they offered me a job."

Honey, never one to think of herself first, felt a swell of pride for her friend. "It doesn’t surprise me at all! Of course they want the best!"

Trixie smiled, relieved. "You’re not upset?"

"Why would I be? Because you have a chance to do something really exciting that you would be good at and enjoy? Silly, you know me better than that! I can open up the agency with Hallie, and someday, after they’ve made movies about you and your FBI adventures, you can settle down to routine cases."

Trixie stared at her friend in amazement. Honey wasn’t the least bit upset as far as she could tell, and she knew that Honey was just as excited about opening up their agency as she herself had been before this offer.

Honey continued. "Don’t think I’m not a little disappointed," she said as though she could read Trixie’s mind," but I would never stand in the way of what I thought would make you happy. I want to open this agency with you, but, as I’ve said before, I want you to be happy more than anything else."

"They’ve offered you a position, too," Trixie informed her.

Honey didn’t even hesitate. "No thanks. That’s not for me, but I think you should seriously consider it. How long do you have to decide?"

Trixie shrugged. "There’s not a definite time frame. I get the feeling they’d take me in five years if I wanted."

"Of course they would," Honey said loyally. "Well, I don’t want you to open this agency with me and then regret it down the line. Take your time and think it through, but if the FBI is what you want, don’t worry about me. Hallie and I can make a go of it. And it’s not a mutually exclusive decision, you could start with one and then if you feel like you’re missing out, switch to the other. You know Hallie and I will always welcome you at any time, and if the FBI have any brains, they will too."

Trixie felt the weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders. Honey’s such a great friend, she thought affectionately. I don’t know what I would do without her. "Thanks, Honey. You don’t know what a relief it has been talking to you about this, but there’s still one problem."

"I know, my brother."

"Alex, the FBI agent I told you about before, you know, one of the instructors last summer?" At Honey’s nod, Trixie continued. "He and I have stayed pretty close over the year so of course he knows all about Jim. He says he thinks I might be hanging on to this agency dream as a way to stay close to Jim."

Honey thought for a moment as she munched her Monte Cristo. "I think that might be part of it. Whether you admit it or not, a part of you still wants to be with Jim. If you take this FBI job, you can pretty much count on your chances of getting back together being nil. Would you be located in D.C.?"

Trixie nodded. "At least for a while."

"I think Jim would see that as you leaving him twice to go the same place. I don’t think he’d ever get past it."

"I know. This has been weighing on my mind like you wouldn’t believe. I mean it is a wonderful opportunity and all, but my childhood dream was to open my very own agency. It’s hard to give that up, even for a great opportunity like this. Plus, I didn’t want to let you down, and I guess I have to admit that I didn’t want to let Jim go," Trixie confessed.

"Maybe you two can patch things up," Honey said optimistically.

"Maybe," Trixie tone indicated the doubt she felt. "But I don’t think I’m what Jim wants. I think he wants someone more like Megan."

Honey choked on her iced tea. "Are you kidding? He was miserable with Megan!"

Trixie stared. "Then why did he stay with her for so long. They were together for two whole years!"

"I don’t know why they stayed together, nobody does. They were a completely mismatched pair from the get-go. She was all dainty and prissy, all lace and bows, kind of like I was when we first met except she wanted to be that way. I mean, she was nice enough, but she never wanted to do any of the things that Jim enjoyed so much, like hiking, biking, camping out, stuff like that. They kind of bickered most of the time they were together, and we all ignored it as best we could. I think Jim stayed with her out of habit or fear or pride or some stupid male reason you and I will never understand. It certainly wasn’t because she made him happy, because I really don’t think she did." Honey paused, studying her friend.

"Out with it, Honey, whatever it is," Trixie knew her friend.

Honey laughed. "Okay, okay. Megan is the one who called it off with Jim."

"Really? I thought it was a mutual thing."

"Oh, it was in the sense that Jim wasn’t heartbroken over it or anything, but it was definitely Megan who called it off. And the reason? I believe the last things I heard her shouting at Jim on her way out the door was ‘And I’m sick and tired of trying to have to live up to that detective girl you’re still in love with.’" Honey chuckled at the recollection.

Trixie’s jaw dropped. "You’re kidding?"

"Nope, Megan was as insanely jealous of you as you were of her," Honey stated matter-of-factly.

"Why didn’t you ever tell me?" Trixie wanted to know.

"Because I never really knew until after they broke up. You had just started dating Matt three weeks before, so I certainly wasn’t going to tell you then. I was excited that you were finally seeing someone instead of going on one or two random dates every few months," Honey explained.

"Wow! All that energy spent wishing I were more dainty and petite like Megan and less of a tomboy, all wasted."

Honey agreed. "It certainly was, and I tried telling you that at the time, but you wouldn’t listen."

Trixie looked glum again. "I guess I just built her up in my mind as being the end-all-be-all, Jim seemed to be happy with her, so I assumed that was the kind of girl he wanted. Since then he’s sure picked that type."

"Jim went through a phase after Megan where he took a lot of glamorous girls out on exactly one date. I don’t think I ever saw him with the same girl more than two or three times, and that was a rarity. But since he moved back to Sleepyside and started his school last June, I don’t think he’s been on very many dates."

"Ugh. Honey, all of this knowledge is not what I need!"

"Well, I know what you do need: Girls’ Night Out! I am calling Diana and Hallie and the four of us are going to do something fun tonight. Sound good?"

Trixie laughed. "It sounds like a plan, Wheeler, I’m definitely in!"

The two girls paid their check and headed back to Honey’s car to prepare for a boisterous night out.

Jim opened the door to the cottage he had built as his living quarters on the school land, tossed his keys in the basket next to the door, and headed for the refrigerator.

It had been a long day and he just wanted to relax. He hadn’t slept at all last night after his fight with Trixie, cursing himself for letting that stupid comment slip out and then allowing his pride to stop him from apologizing. He should have known that Trixie was just mad and saying the first words that came to her head and he couldn’t blame her. He shouldn’t have risen to the bait, but after so many years of bitterness and pain, it was easy to let his anger flow. It was easy to argue with Trixie; arguing was almost better than the silent cold war they had been engaged in for months. At least this was contact.

He sat down on his sofa with a cold soda, ready to turn on the television and blot out his muddled thoughts, when there was a knock on the door. He cursed under his breath and got up to see who it was. When he opened the door, he saw Bill, head of the school’s small maintenance crew, standing before him with a worried expression.

"What’s up, Bill?" Jim immediately wanted to know.

"I thought you might want to take a look at that back barn that we only use in late summer for the orchard harvest. There are signs of an intruder."

Probably just kids, Jim thought as he grabbed his keys and locked the front door of the cottage. He followed the foreman down the path toward the barn. Too bad Trixie isn’t here, she’d be sure to find all sorts of clues. Jim Frayne was starting to realize that maybe Trixie’s ‘detectiving’ wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Maybe he really did need Trixie in his life more than he cared to admit.