Part I

She looked around her and sighed.  I shouldn’t be doing this alone, she thought, I should be doing this with my best-friend, that’s IF she would talk to me.  She shook her head, her brown hair dancing off her shoulders.  She caught sight of herself in a mirror; it was a full length in a dress shop booth.  I can’t even get excited about my wedding.  Maybe I am marrying the wrong man.  Maybe something or someone is missing?  I did do the right thing by leaving, didn’t I? 

She left the bridal show and walked to the transit station.  She hopped on the next bus, only caring about getting to the station nearest her apartment.  She trudged through the wet spring snow.  She sighed again as she turned the key in her apartment door, knowing that the apartment would be dark.  He wouldn’t be there; he was working.  Tricia took in the flashing light on her phone as she came in the door.  She dropped her bags and grabbed her phone.  Four new callers, Mike, a couple of numbers she didn’t recognize and a Sleepyside number.  Tricia gulped.  Who could be calling her from home?  Who knew how to get a hold of her?  She sighed as she dialed her machine, and she smiled as she listened to her fiancé’s message.  He was getting off early, she glanced at her watch, and wanted to know if she wanted to grab a bite to eat, but the smile turned to a frown as she recognized her former best friend’s voice.

She could hear the tremble in Honey’s voice as she spoke.  “Hello, Trixie.”  Trixie heard her take a deep breath as the rest of the message came out in a rush, as if Honey would lose courage if she didn’t say it immediately.  “I hope you are well.  I tracked you down because I have something important I would like to discuss with you.  I realise it has been a few years, but I would really like to talk to you.”  There was a long pause.  “I miss you.”

“Trixie.”  That was a name she hadn’t heard in a while.  Tricia looked at the phone, and she laughed aloud.  How did she find her?  Why now?  Trixie sat down, emotions and memories flooding over her: happy memories from high school, the sadness when everyone went to different schools and him.  Even now, just thinking of his name brought pain.  The memory of the last time they argued, she laughed bitterly--it had been about her moving here.

You’re not going to gain an experience, you’re going to leave me!  You’re choosing this over me!  How can you do this?           

We can do it!  We wouldn’t be the first ones to have a long distance relationship.

You’re LEAVING THE COUNTRY!  You’re abandoning me.  

I am not.       

If you go, I will never speak to you again.        

Then I guess this is good-bye.

She hadn’t thought he’d meant it.  He had always had a temper, and abandonment issues, she understood that.  She shook her head.  I really thought he would come around after he saw how good this was for me.  After that, it went from bad to worse, six weeks later he married another woman.  That had been it for her.  Early one morning, Trixie said good-bye to her family and left for Ottawa.  She hadn’t gone home for Christmas, claiming stress from work and school, same for spring break, and that summer, she hadn’t told them she wasn’t coming home, she’d simply got herself a job, moved and not told any of them.  Occasionally, she would send her parents a post card letting them know she was all right, almost always while traveling.  She now had her degree in Criminology, and a Masters in Psychology and was working for the Ottawa Police department.  She had changed her name and appearance, not entirely, but just enough to escape detection.  The only one who knew was her partner, not even her fiancé knew.             

Fiancé.  She sighed and looked down at her left hand.  Mike.  He had given her a diamond and emerald ring when he had proposed to her a few weeks ago.  She hadn’t called home to share the news. 

What would she do?  It seemed to her that the first order of business would be explaining things to Mike.  She grabbed a glass of water, picked up the phone and dialed.  “Hello, Mike?  Listen, I um… I have something I’d like to talk to you about.  Think you could come over after work?  We could order pizza.”

 

The next morning Tricia rubbed her burning eyes.  She and Mike had stayed awake late into the night talking about what caused her to flee to Ottawa and not return home.  It had taken a lot for her to express all the pain and humiliation she felt.  What had hurt the most was telling him how much of it she felt was caused by her friends and family and their unwillingness to listen to her and support her.  He had known that something had happened, of course, but not the details until last night.  When all was said and done he told her exactly what she had been hoping to hear. 

“Tricia, call her.  She has given you the opportunity you need.”

Trixie sat in the dark for what seemed like hours; finally, making a decision, she grabbed her laptop, opened Internet Explorer and hit aircanada.com.  Hhhmmm, if I wait until Wednesday, I can get the flight cheaper.  No, by then I’ll change my mind.  Monday, that’s tomorrow--perfect!  I’ll take the 2:00 flight, get to LaGuardia at3:30, by the time I pick up my bag and rent a car it’ll be about four.  That will put me in Sleepyside at about dinner time tomorrow evening.  With a few clicks of her mouse it was done. 

Trixie packed her clothes, her laptop and then took out an old photograph, one she had hidden when she had moved into her apartment, and had only taken out once since.  Tears slid down her cheeks as she looked at the seven happy teenagers.  Her eyes focused on her best-friend Honey, smiling shyly at the camera, and at the same time looking so happy to be a part of a group.  With a start Trixie looked at the clock, got up, went to the bathroom straightened her hair again, packed her flat iron and disappeared out the door.

 

Part II

Honey raced down the hill to Crabapple Farm.  She had done it.  She had found and called Trixie, not that it had been that hard to find her, she admitted to herself.  If any of them had really tried at any point over the past few years they would have found her fairly easily.  Honey paused at the kitchen door, remembering a long ago conversation with Trixie.  She smiled sadly at the memory of the first time she knocked, or rather forgot to knock, on this kitchen door. 

            “Oh, I’m sorry,” she cried, her cheek aflame with embarrassment when she realized what she had done.

            “Sorry for what??” demanded Trixie who was alone in the kitchen.

            “For forgetting to knock,” Honey explained.  “I don’t know what’s come over me lately, Trixie.”  She giggled.  “I seem to have forgotten all the good manners Miss Lefferts taught me.”

            “Pooh,” Trixie said impatiently.  “I don’t know who Miss Lefferts is-or was, but I think you would have been awfully silly to knock when you could see me right through the screen door.  People in the country don’t bother much about knocking, anyway.  We usually open the door, poke our heads inside and yell, ‘Yoo-hoo.’”¹

“Hi, Moms!”

“Hello, dear.  Have a seat, you look like you have something on your mind.”  Helen placed a cup of tea and a plate of cookies in front of Honey.

“I found her.”  Honey paused, seeing a pained look on Helen’s face she quickly continued.  “It didn’t take long.  She didn’t really disappear.”  Honey sighed.  “She stayed in Ottawa, and changed her name.  She goes by Tricia Baldwin.  When I called, I left a message telling her I would like to talk to her, and that I miss her.”

“That’s wonderful, dear.  When did you leave the message?”  Helen’s eyes shone with hope, much in the way Trixie’s had when she found a new clue in her current mystery, reflected Honey.

“Last night.  She had not returned my call before I came down here.  I have my cell phone with me, and I forwarded my number to it.  Do you think she’ll call?”  Honey looked searchingly into the eyes of the woman she regarded as a second mother.

“Oh, Honey, I hope so.  The old Trixie would definitely call you back.  On the other hand,” Helen continued shaking her head, “none of us thought that Trixie would up and leave us like that either.”

Honey sighed as she took a sip of her tea.  “Things were rough before she left, I know that.  Jim’s marriage was a shock to her.  I really should have told her.”

Helen covered Honey’s hands with her own. “Honey, none of us knew the impact that Jim’s marriage and his way of telling her was going to affect Trixie.  I hope that if she does come home, that she and Jim can repair whatever went wrong between them.”  The two women smiled at each other, and by silent mutual agreement changed the subject to the wedding planning.  Neither of them noticed the time passing, until a few hours later when a young man came through the door. 

“Hi Moms, is dinner ready?”  He paused as he saw his fiancée, “Honey, you’re a sight for sore eye.”  He swiftly crossed the room and gathered her in a hug.  Any further discussion about food or anything else was interrupted by the arrival of a car in the driveway.

“Were you expecting anyone, Moms?”

Helen looked at her son, then at Honey, “No, not exactly.”

The three of them continued to watch out the window as a petite brunette with an athletic build stepped out of the car.  Honey and Moms stared, then glanced at each other.  The young woman pushed her glasses up on her head and closed the car door.  They could see that she was wearing a rather long skirt and a sweater.  As she turned to look at the house, Honey breathed “It’s Trixie.”  She looked again, and repeated louder, “It’s Trixie.”  Before Helen or Mart could react, Honey ran out the door and down the driveway. 

Trixie stepped out of the car, turning her back to the house she took in her surroundings.  She tipped her glasses on her head and smoothed her skirt.  Trixie turned to look at the house, her eyes alighting on a familiar window, her window.  Just then the door flew open and someone came running down the driveway at her.  Trixie was unsure what to do as she recognized Honey.  True, Honey had been the one to call her, but what if she was angry, what would she do when she reached Trixie?

Honey caught the look of uncertainty on Trixie’s face, and slowed down.  “She’s afraid,” thought Honey. “Trixie is afraid!”  After a moment’s hesitation, she threw her arms around Trixie.  “You came home!”

Trixie laughed nervously, and hugged Honey back. “You said you wanted to talk to me, so I came home instead of calling.”

Honey pulled back. “Oh, Trixie.  It’s been too long.  So much has happened, but I …” Honey drew a breath and rushed on.  “I wanted to talk to you so I could ask you something.  I’m getting married.  Diana’s going to be my matron of honour, and I’d like you to be my maid of honour.”

Trixie squealed, “Really?!”  Her smile faded, and she said almost somberly, “Even after everything that has happened?”

Honey, in shock over Trixie squealing, smiled slowly. “Yes, Trixie.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you, and I definitely wouldn’t know my husband without you.” 

“Your husband?  Who are you marrying that I’m responsible for you knowing?”

“Me.”

 

 Part III

Trixie looked up to see Mart walking out of the house.  He wore a huge smile and outwardly seemed very calm, cool and collected as he walked toward his sister, his arms open to give her a hug. 

Trixie ran towards him and threw her arms around him and looking into his eyes, she could see all the emotion he was desperately trying to hide.  Moms came through the door at that moment, her eyes watery but smiling, “Hello dear.  Come on in, dinner is on the table.  Let’s go, all of you.” 

The three adult Bob-Whites chuckled at this and obediently filed into the Belden kitchen, Trixie stopping along the way to give her mother a satisfying bear hug.  “Welcome home dear.”

Trixie looked around the inviting kitchen, not much had changed in the few years she had been gone.  “So,” she smiled at Honey, “I’ll wait until we’re alone later to grill you about your romance with my brother.  For now, I’ll settle for proposal and wedding details.”

Honey giggled, “Well, your brother proposed in his usual verbose way, but I managed to cut him off long enough to say yes.”  She held her hand out to show Trixie the ring, a beautiful three stone Tiffany ring, a Peridot middle stone with a diamond on each side.  Trixie couldn’t help but laugh, separated by years, and yet, they essentially end up with identical engagement rings.  Honey looked hurt and confused as Trixie laughed.

“Oh Honey, I’m sorry.  I love your ring.  I think it is beautiful.  I’m laughing because… because,” Trixie paused as she choked on laughter, tears streaming down her face she held out her hand to Honey to show her own engagement ring.  “I have the same ring.  Mike bought it at Tiffany’s in Toronto, with my birthstone in it.” 

Honey caught on and started to giggle, “And Mart got mine in New York with my birthstone.”

Moms and Mart looked on in surprise.  “You’re engaged?”  Mart finally managed to get out.  At this, as though she had just realised what Trixie had said, Honey squealed, jumped up and ran around the table where the girls jumped and squealed together.  Moms hugged the two girls while Mart still sat, agape, at the table. 

“HOLD ON!  Trixie, you are engaged?  To whom?  When?  How?”

Trixie blushed and nodded.  “His name is Mike, and he is firefighter in Ottawa.”  She rushed on.  Now that it was out she was desperate for her family to know about him.  “We met when we were both speaking at an elementary school.  We went to lunch afterwards, and then to a fundraising gala.  We dated for just over a year and a half before he proposed to me a few weeks ago, just after Valentine’s Day actually.”

Mart was sitting there shaking his head, “It would figure,” he was muttering, “try to do something special but no, my sister has to have the same thing, totally unfair.  Blind-sided by a man I’ve never met.  Of all the injustices.”

“Are you finished, dear brother?  Will you tell me why you are muttering about my happy news?”

“He proposed to me a couple of weeks after Valentine’s Day, he didn’t want me to guess so that’s why he waited until after,” Honey explained.

“Honey, we have planning to do for the weekend,” Helen reminded her daughter-in-law to be.

“Why is that, Moms?”  inquired Trixie.

“We invited the families over for dinner for Friday night.  Now that you are here, all the Bob-Whites will be here for dinner.”

Trixie paled.  “All the Bob-Whites,” she whispered.  That was something she hadn’t thought about, the fact that she would have to see Jim while she was home.  Jim and his wife.  Oddly, she realised that the wife part didn’t bother her, but she definitely didn’t want to see him.  “Excuse me,” she said as she rose from the table, “may I lay down somewhere Moms?  I’m suddenly not feeling well.”

“Of course, Trixie, your room is still up there as you left it.”

“Thank you,” Trixie rose from the table and approached the stairs with uncertainty, she took a deep breath and slowly climbed the stairs.

When Trixie was out of sight and ear shot, Mart looked at Honey and Moms, “what was that?”

Honey sighed, “I think that was a reaction to seeing Jim.  Or maybe …” a ringing phone interrupted her.

Mart got up and walked in the direction of the ringing, he opened Trixie’s purse and pulled out a cell phone.  “Hello?  Umm one moment please,” Mart covered the mouth piece with his hand and spoke to Honey, “Is this Tricia’s phone?”

Honey nodded.

Mart turned back to the phone.  “Yes, it is.  May I ask who is calling?”  Mart paused, a look of contemplation on his face, after a moment he spoke.  “Okay, I’ll see if I can find her.”  He walked up the stairs to Trixie’s room.  “Trix, Mike is on your cell.  Are you okay to talk?”

Trixie smiled and nodded.  Taking the phone from Mart, she pushed him out of the room, closing the door behind him.

As Mart re-entered the kitchen, Honey smiled at him, “You were going to grill him, weren’t you?”

Mart blushed, “Guilty as charged.”  He kissed Honey on the forehead.  “But I thought better of it.  Trixie’s only been here a little while, and I don’t want to do anything that will risk cutting this visit short.”

A few minutes later, Trixie rejoined her them in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry for leaving like that.”  She rubbed her eyes.  “That was Mike on the phone.  When I left Ottawa, he and I had decided that he would fly down at the end of the week.  However, he will be arriving Wednesday, if that’s all right with you, Moms?”

“Of course it is, sweetheart.  We can’t wait to meet your fiancé.”

“Fiancée?  Meet a fiancée?  Helen, we’ve met both of Mart and Brian’s fiancées before,” Peter spoke as he entered the kitchen removing his coat.

Helen smiled, aware that from Peter’s angle, Trixie was hidden, “Not theirs, sweetheart, Trixie’s.”

“Trixie?!”  Peter looked around the corner, and as he saw Trixie, he reached out to hug her.  “What’s this about a fiancé?”

Trixie blushed and showed her father her ring.  “His name is Mike.  He is a firefighter.  He will be arriving tomorrow morning, Daddy, and you can meet him then.  I was just going to ask Honey to help me make up the guest room.”

A knock sounded at the door interrupting any further discussion.  Mart grinned as he crossed the room to open the door.  “Are we living in Grand Central Station now?” 

Diana and Dan were standing outside.  Diana stepped in, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.  Trixie jumped up and hugged her friend.  Diana pulled back, a shocked expression on her face.  “You’re home!  You’re here!  Your hair!” She squealed. “It’s dark!  And straight!  And long!”

“I missed you, too.” 

“Freckles!”

“Dan!”  Trixie threw her arms around Dan, her eyes shining. “I am so happy you are here.” 

“Come in, have a seat,” Helen ushered everyone into the living room.  “This is an unexpected surprise.”

Mart grinned impishly, “Today seems to be full of them.”

“Well, Dan and I have another one to add to it.”  Di looked nervously at Dan, “We dropped by to tell you all that Dan and I eloped yesterday.”

Trixie and Honey looked at each other in shock.  “Trixie, Honey?”  Di’s voice was shaky.

At the sound of Di’s voice, Honey and Trixie grabbed her in a hug and squealed with delight.  Mart shook Dan’s hand, and then hugged him.  Helen bustled about, getting hot chocolate and cookies for everyone before hugging the bride and groom.  “I’m so happy for you both.”

Peter stood there, looking at the younger generation, wondering if he and his siblings and friends had caused his parents this much stress and shock.  He shook his head, walked over to Diana and hugged her. “Congratulations, darling.”  He turned to Dan. “You too, son,” he whispered  as he hugged him.

The next morning Trixie headed up to the Manor House to go for a ride.  Honey had an engagement with her mother, but assured Trixie that she was more than welcome to go for a morning ride and that they would meet up later.  She entered the silent stable, looking around at the neatly hung tack; the perfectly groomed horses in their stalls and took a deep breath.  Trixie chose one of the new horses and lead her out, saddled her and started out on her ride.  She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Jim yelling at her until he was close behind her.

“Who are you?  And what are you doing on my family’s horse?”

Trixie blanched, he didn’t know who she was.  Unwanted tears sprung to her eyes.  Then it dawned on her, he could only see her from behind.  Her long, straight, brown hair was cascading down her slender back, and despite her best efforts, a wicked grin spread over her face.  She knew she had the element of surprise in her favour.  She turned around in her saddle and smiled coyly.  “Why Jim, I thought I was always welcome to go riding when I am home.”  She spoke sweetly and slowly letting the words roll off her tongue.  She almost laughed when she saw the look on his face.  Then she remembered that this was the man who claimed to love her, and then ran off and married a floozy just six weeks after they broke up.  The expression on her face closed and she urged her horse forward. 

 

Jim Frayne mounted his new horse, a present from his father.  Up ahead, he saw a woman he didn’t recognize riding one of his father’s other new horses.  He quickly mounted his horse and trotted up behind the other rider.  “Who are you?  And what are you doing on my family’s horse?”  The other rider kept her horse at a slow walk, Jim matched her pace.  She started to turn slowly in her saddle.  His heart stopped. 

“Why, Jim, I thought I was always welcome to go riding when I am home.”

His faced blanched; his jaw was resting on his saddle he was sure.  Jim shook his head, he must be dreaming.  He urged his horse to hurry, trying to catch up to Trixie. 

Trixie urged her horse into a cantor as she came to an open field.  I’ve missed this.  I’ve missed riding with my friends.  I’ve missed knowing where everything was, who everyone was.  She brought her horse to a stop at a stream to allow her to drink. 

Jim rode silently up beside Trixie.  “Hi.”  Great opening there Frayne, three years and all you can say is hi?  “How are you?”

Trixie took a deep breath.  “Hello, Jim.  I’m good, and you?”  She turned to look at the man who had ridden up beside her.  Trixie took in the physical changes in him with a single glance.  There were lines around his eyes, and his face had a drawn look to it.  He looked thinner and older, almost as though he aged more than three years.  Trixie started to feel sympathy for him, and then remembered how he had run off with another woman and how he had treated her.  At this thought, she felt her heart harden and her facial expression close.

“I’m good.  I’ve been keeping busy, finishing my Doctorate in Education.”  Jim gulped.  Her expression was hard, her eyes closed, he couldn’t read her.  Then it struck him he couldn’t read her.  Her eyes, which had always been expressive to him held nothing.  He thought back to last times he had seen her.

            You’re not going to gain an experience you’re going to leave me!  You’re choosing this over me!  How can you do this?

            We can do it!  We wouldn’t be the first ones to have a long distance relationship.

            You’re LEAVING THE COUNTRY!  You’re abandoning me.

            I am not.

            If you go, I will never speak to you again.

            Then I guess this is good-bye.

Her eyes had been full of pain, and unshed tears.  His thoughts flitted to a conversation six week after that.

 “Trixie, I have something to tell you.”  He looked into her eyes, they were full of hope, then he saw them glance down at his left hand, the one that held his new wedding band.  At that moment, he knew what true devastation looked like.  “I got married yesterday.”  She gasped.  As her face went white she turned and ran from him.

As Jim closed his eyes and shook his head to clear his thoughts; he noticed something glinting in the sunlight.  He looked more closely at the direction it came from, Trixie’s left hand.  Then he saw it, a diamond and emerald ring, on her third left finger.  The colour drained from his face, he felt his stomach clench. 

Trixie watched Jim’s face.  She realized that he had caught sight of her ring.  She watched the pain cross his face.  I ought to feel bad, but, I don’t.  I feel like he’s getting what he deserves.  “Wow, your doctorate, impressive.  Personally, I never got past finishing my masters.”

Jim was stunned, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he knew that he didn’t like the way this was going.  Does she know how much this hurts me?  Does she care how much it hurts me?  Do I have a right to think that?  How can I change this?  Does she know about the annulment?  Can I stop her wedding?  Do I have a right to try?  Jim realized that he hadn’t heard a word she had said.  “Pardon Trixie?”

“I said I guess that you will be at Moms’ dinner party Friday night.  All of the Bob-Whites and partners are invited.  I’ll see you then.”  With that she turned her horse and galloped towards the stables.

 

Part IV

Wednesday afternoon Trixie picked up Mike at the airport.  They chatted about Trixie’s visit so far and what Mike had been up to as they drove.  As Trixie guided the car onto Glen Road, Mike sighed nervously.  She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“They’ll love you, don’t be so nervous.”

“I don’t know sweetheart, you told me that they’ve always thought you would end up with Jim.”

“Yeah, well, that was before what he did,” she paused, “and his marriage.”

“Trish, you told me yourself when you explained the situation with Jim that you never told your parents how he treated you or what really went on.  They have no idea, and they won’t unless you tell them.  Meanwhile, that leaves me as the interloper.”

“No, it does not!”  Trixie snapped.  “Sorry.”  She took a deep breath.  “They won’t see you like that.  Although,” she paused, waiting until the car was parked before continuing, “You might want to practice calling me Trixie or Trix.”  She stuck her tongue out at him. 

“I’ll try,”  Mike laughed. “But no promises.  Now let’s get out of this car so I can get the introductions over with.”

As Mart and Honey watched, Trixie entered the living room with a tall, good-looking man.  She wore a smile on her face, as did he.  Honey looked closely at him.  Mike was fairly tall, 6’2” she would guess.  His hair was dark brown, his eyes as blue and as clear as Trixie’s.  He had strong cheek bones, a well-built muscular frame and a captivating smile.  He stood in front of them, obviously dressed for comfort in a pair of brown boots, faded, well-fitting blue jeans and a large fisherman style sweater, his sunglasses resting on his head.

“Everyone,” Trixie began, “I’d like you to meet Mike.  Mike, this is my brother Mart, my younger brother Bobby, my best-friend and Mart’s fiancée Honey, and my parents Helen and Peter.” 

As Mike smiled and shook hands with everyone, the door burst open, and Diana came running into the living room immediately followed by Dan.  Catching sight of Mike, Diana stopped dead in her tracks, her violet eyes widened as she took in the strange man standing in the living room.  She took a deep breath.

“Hi, you must be Mike.  I’m Diana, and this is my husband Dan.”  The two men shook hands, and Diana moved over to stand beside Honey.  “He is so hot!”  She whispered.

“I know.  Jim is really in for it.”

“If all of you are ready,” Helen spoke, “Dinner is on the table.” 

Dinner was a lively affair as they talked and ate.  Dan and Mike compared battle scars from their jobs as Diana and Honey talked wedding with Trixie.  Helen and Peter, smiling contentedly, watched their three children smiling contentedly.

“This is so boring!”  Complained Bobby. 

“If you are that bored, go do your homework,” Peter stated calmly.

After dinner, the younger generation cleaned up before they moved to the living room to chat.  After a couple of hours, Dan and Diana stood to leave.

“We think it’s great you’re here,” began Diana. 

“Yeah,” continued Dan, “you are good for Trixie, and you even helped out with the dishes.”  Dan laughed.

Mike smiled, “Glad to help out.”

“Do you ride horses?” Inquired Dan.

“I can.”

“I’m going to patrol the preserve tomorrow morning. Do you want to come?”

“Thanks Dan, I’d love to.”

“Good, I’ll swing by and get you, and we’ll head to the Manor house stables.”  At this Mike looked worried.  “Don’t worry about it.  Mr. Wheeler will be cool about it.  After all,” he paused as female laughter floated down out from the living room, “you helped his daughter laugh like that again.”

In their bedroom, Peter looked at Helen, “Do you think they’ll really get married?”

Helen sighed, “I don’t know Peter, but, she’s home, she’s happy and he obviously loves her.”

“I think he does, too.  But does she really love him?”

The next morning, as Trixie made her way down the stairs, as she reached the kitchen she saw Moms at the stove and heard the sound of someone chopping wood outside.  “Who’s cutting wood?”  Trixie inquired.  “Don’t tell me you’ve recruited Dan?”  Her blue eyes danced with laughter.

Moms smiled.“No, Mike was up early this morning; he patrolled with Dan and he heard Dad say that he’d do it after work today, so after he finished his breakfast, he headed back outside.”

Trixie smiled. “You like him don’t you, Moms?”

Helen hesitated. “I do.  I think everyone does.  But remember Trixie, part of the reason we like him is because he makes you happy, and he obviously loves you.  Think about what you are doing.  You don’t want to hurt Mike.  I know that Jim treated you horribly, and a lot of time as passed, make sure you’re with Mike for the right reasons.”

“Horribly does not begin to describe the way Jim treated me,” the colour was rising in Trixie’s face.  This was one of the reasons she had run.  “He used me an – and humiliated me.  Instead of supporting ME, all of you supported HIM.  Mike supports me!  He loves me for me!”  Trixie’s eyes searched Helen’s face for an indication, any indication that her mom understood what she was saying, if any of it was even registering with her.  “He knows about my past.  ALL OF IT!  He knows about how Jim ran off and married another woman!  And how he did that six weeks after telling me that his life would be over without me!”  Trixie was screaming by this point, tears streaming down her face.  “I know you think he’s perfect!  He isn’t!  You think that he was always saving me!  But he was stifling me!  He didn’t let me be myself and when he treated me, me your daughter, the one who helped him through everything, like dirt, you supported him!  You were so excited to see me,” Trixie choked, unable to continue.  She curled herself into a ball, crouching on the floor, hug me Moms… please, tell me you understand…tell me you made mistakes.

The door opened, Mike came in and ran over to Trixie, and he put his arms around her. 

“Ssshhh, Tricia, it’s okay.”  He hugged her, rocking gently back and forth.  “It’s all good, I’m here.” 

Trixie wrapped her arms around him.  “I tried to talk with her,” she sobbed into his chest, “and she started to defend him again.”  Trixie’s sobs subsided, her breathing was ragged and her words hard to understand.  “He isn’t perfect, he isn’t!  I don’t!  I can’t!  I…” a coughing fit cut her off.

Mike looked concerned.  “Do you want your inhaler?”

Trixie nodded while she coughed.  Helen looked stunned.  She had never seen Trixie react like this, and an inhaler?  Since when does she have an inhaler?  She watched as her daughter sucked on her inhaler, her entire body was shaking uncontrollably.  What has happened to her?  What is happening to my baby girl?

The wheezing stopped.  Mike bent over and whispered something in Trixie’s ear.  Helen saw her daughter nod.  Mike picked her up and carried her up the stairs. 

Helen still in shock stood in the kitchen, tears brimming in her eyes.  Does Trixie really believe we chose Jim over her?  She’s our daughter!  My flesh and blood.  How did things get so confused?  Helen sat at the table and rested her head in her hands.  She was just standing up and collecting herself a half an hour later when Mike came down the stairs, alone. 

As Mike entered the kitchen, he looked at Helen, unsure of how to phrase what Trixie had asked him to tell her.

“Helen, um,” Mike paused.  “Mart is on his way downstairs.  Could you please call Honey, Brian and Di and Dan, Trish wants to talk with them.  Well,” Mike corrected himself, “she wants me to talk with you all first.”

Helen looked at Mike.  “What about Jim?”

Mike took a deep breath. “She doesn’t want him to hear any of this yet.  Tricia is not ready to face him.”

Helen sighed deeply but nodded mutely.  She walked to the phone and called Honey first.  “No, Mike says that Trixie doesn’t want him to hear what she’s asked Mike to say.” 

There was a pause as she listened to something Honey said.  “No, I don’t know.”  She gave another deep sigh.  “I am confused, too.”  She hung up and called Brian. 

Mart entered the kitchen and looked at the man in front of him.  He was could see why his sister loved this man.  He knew that everyone else saw him as a copy, but he knew better.  Mike was struggling with what Trixie had asked him to do, but he was going to do it anyway because he loved her.  He walked over to Mike, looked him straight in the eye.  “I’ll back you up.”

Mike smiled.  Mart had said very little, but a lot at the same time. 

Up at the Manor House, Honey was getting ready to leave.  Jim came out of his room.  “Where ya’ headed?”

Honey looked up. “Crabapple Farm.”

Jim smiled.  “Give me a minute and I’ll come with you.”

Honey shook her head. “Sorry, Jim.  Not right now.” 

“Why not?”

Honey looked down she couldn’t bear to look at her brother.  She knew that she would see tears in her brother’s eyes.  “Trixie and Mike,” she paused, “it is very confusing, but Trixie has asked that,” Honey took a deep breath, “that you not be there.”

Jim was shocked; tears rolled freely down his face.  He couldn’t think.  He didn’t want to make Honey feel worse.  He turned on his heel and darted into his own room and he threw himself on his bed, then, and only then, would he let himself cry.  Why, why?  Why did she do this?  Why does she not want me to come?  What does Mike have to do with it?  Why does Honey get to go?  I hurt so much!  I feel like my world is collapsing, I love her.  Why? Why?  Why!  Because, a small voice in the back of his head answered, you hurt her, you humiliated her.  One day you were telling her that you couldn’t live without her, the next you were yelling at her not to follow her dreams while you went after yours.  Shut up shut up shut up!  Then to top it off, the voice in his head continued, you married Janyce six weeks later.  I hate myself, I hate myself.  Oh shit, I have to throw up. 

As Honey left, she heard Jim crying in his room.  She felt torn, and sad as she made her way out of the house and down the hill.

As unhappy as she was about leaving Jim at home, Honey had to laugh as she walked into the Belden’s kitchen.  Mike and Mart were following Helen, who had a plate of fresh cookies in her hands.  Both men were trying to grab at them. 

“I’ve had a lot of practice, boys, at keeping cookies away from prying hands.”  Helen smiled.  Honey could see that it was a strained smile.

Di and Dan walked in behind Honey.  “Anyone know what is up?”  Inquired Dan. 

Mike cleared his throat. “Um, I do, but I’d kind of like to wait for Brian to get here.”

“I’m here,” Brian spoke up from behind Dan.

They moved into the living room where Mike stood in front of the others.  “I know you find this strange, me speaking on Tricia’s behalf, but she does have her reasons.”

“Not to be rude, but why isn’t she telling us this herself?” Asked Diana.

“She feels that she has been telling you for a long time, but that either you don’t believe her or you don’t take her seriously.”  Several of the Bob-Whites looked uncomfortable, and Honey had tears in her eyes. 

Mike took a deep breath and began.  “Tricia is upstairs in her room right now, and has no intention of coming out until she leaves for Ottawa.” 

Honey started to stand. 

“Please Honey, don’t try to go up and talk to her.  Not just yet.  Not only did she just have an argument with Mrs. Belden, but it was followed by a panic attack.”

Brian looked incredulously at his mother. “You had an argument so bad it triggered a panic attack?”

Mrs. Belden nodded, tears welling in her eyes.  “All those mysteries, all those close calls and and,” Helen gulped, “I caused an anxiety attack.”  Peter wrapped his arms around his wife.

“I didn’t know that she suffered from panic attacks, I don’t think any of us did,” said Dan.  “But right now, I want to get to the heart of the matter.  Please continue Mike.”

“There are some things that none of you know about the summer she and Jim broke up.  It started when Tricia applied to Ottawa U. for her Master’s degree.  When she initially applied, all of you supported her, even Jim.”  Mike began to pace.  “However, after her application was sent in, Jim set about eating at her self-confidence.” He raised his hand to stop any objections.  “I am only telling you how Tricia felt and saw it.  He would drive her everywhere.  If they bumped into each other in town, and she had driven, he would refuse to allow her to drive, even going to the extent of taking away her keys.”  Mike stopped pacing and took a deep breath.  “He would call her constantly, asking to know what she was doing, if she had plans, where they involved going.  On several occasions he showed up at the library where she was studying.  She wanted to talk to Honey, but she didn’t want Honey to feel stuck in the middle.  She knew that she would find it hard if anyone told her stuff like that about her brother.”  Mike looked at Honey, who now was crying openly in Mart’s arms. 

Honey looked up.  “I would have listened,” she whispered.

“She knows this now, and so do I,” Mike began speaking and pacing again.  “She tried to talk to Brian, but he brushed it off as being protective.  She then tried her mother, who told her that it was because of Jim’s past.  She felt stuck in a corner.”  Mike took a breath trying to calm himself.  His voice was shaky as he continued.  “Then Jim took her out to the Country Club for dinner, that night he proposed to her.  She turned him down; she didn’t feel ready for that step yet.  Jim appeared to agree with her that it was fine to wait.  She even told him that when she did get engaged, it would be to him.”

Honey was looking at this man speaking, he was saying things about her brother that she didn’t want to hear, but she felt a lot of respect for him.  Here he was, in front of Trixie’s friends and family, trying to tell them exactly how she had come to leave them all.  While he was doing this, he had to tell them how she, the woman he loved, promised another man he would be the one she married. 

At that thought, Honey jumped up and threw her arms around Mike.  Mike looked startled but hugged Honey in return.  “Sorry, I know this must be hard for you and I wanted to show my support.”  Honey whispered.

“I appreciate it, Honey.”  He smiled down at her.  “This is rather difficult, but if it means that you and your friends and family will understand Tricia better, then it’s worth it.”  Mike resumed pacing.  “Anyway, Jim spoke to Tricia the next day, he told her that she was his world, that he would wait for her forever.  He told her he couldn’t live without her, that she was everything to him.  Two days later when Tricia started telling him about her plans for Ottawa, Jim exploded.  He called her cheap, told that she was allowing herself to be bought.  Jim accused her of forgetting her roots, of going not to gain experience, as she viewed it, but as a way to desert him, of choosing this over him, as though that was really the issue.  Tricia knew that he had abandonment issues, stemming from his parents and then the difficulty trusting due to Jonesy, and the abuse he suffered under him.  Tricia came home that day,” Mike took a deep breath the next part was going to be the hardest for them to hear, and Mike was bracing himself for backlash from them. 

“Tricia came home that day, and she called Honey to talk to her.  She didn’t even get the whole story out, Honey’s first comment was about Jim feeling abandoned, and that Tricia should understand that.  Next she tried to talk to Brian, who told her that Jim was just concerned for her after ‘coming to her rescue’ so many times growing up.  That devastated her.  Tricia got up whatever courage and self-respect she had left and tried to speak with her parents, who pointed out how perfectly Jim’s life had turned out since moving in with the Wheelers and how much he had over come.  That was the night they broke up.  Six weeks later, Tricia was almost completely ready to go; she had plans to come home for the Canadian Thanksgiving, for Christmas and for other school breaks.  Jim showed up, two days before she was to leave.  She hadn’t seen him in weeks, she was excited she thought they would finally have time to talk and put this behind them.  Instead, she saw the wedding band on his finger.  He had married someone else.”  Mike opened and closed his hands, clenching and unclenching fists.  “No one would tell her anything about it.  None of you thought it was her business.  She felt devastated, alone, humiliated and abandoned.”  Mike stopped, he was shaking.

He took a breath, he tried to calm himself.  He was angry; this was what made him the angriest.  He didn’t understand how the boys could keep something like that from their sister or the Beldens from their daughter.  Honey, he knew was torn, and for her, Mike felt sympathy.  Mike closed his eyes, and he heard footsteps.  Arms wrapped around his waist.  He opened his eyes to see his beautiful fiancée looking up at him. 

“Thank you,” she whispered.  “I love you.”  Trixie turned to face her friends and family.  “I started to feel that I would never live up to any of you, that I would never be free to be me.  So I chose to not see any of you.  It wasn’t an easy decision, but one I had to make for me.”

Honey, who was openly crying, spoke up.  “I don’t think any of us saw it that way.  I never knew how Jim was treating you.  I guess, I guess I didn’t listen to you.”

Mart looked at Honey and then up at Mike, their eyes met in silent conversation.  Mike guided Trixie to the middle of the room where they met Mart and Honey in a group hug in the middle of the room.

“I love you Trixie,” murmured Mart, “and I am so very sorry.”

“Trixie,” Di spoke up uncertainly, “I love you, too, and I am so sorry.”  She and Dan joined the growing hug.

Brian sat in the corner.  His face showed no emotion.  Mart pulled himself apart from the group and went to speak to him.  “Trixie knows you aren’t in the group hug.  Deal with whatever it is that is bothering you, and get over there and support her.”

Brian looked up at his brother, his face pale.  “I can’t.”  With that he stood and walked out of the house.

 

Part V

Honey pulled back, and watched as the Peter and Helen moved towards their daughter.  She listened to their soft whispers of apology, and tears welled in her eyes as she witnessed the fierce hug they shared with her.  Honey looked at Trixie in disbelief as the full impact of what she just heard hit her.  Her brother had humiliated Trixie and tried to control her, and yet she had said nothing.

“Trixie,” Honey said, and large tear-filled blue eyes met hers.  “I want you to know that I was very upset by what I just heard from Mike and from you.”  Honey took a deep breath.  “I am hurt that you never shared with me what was happening.  I understand, Mike told me you didn’t want to put me in the middle, but I am still hurt.  I am also very angry.  Angry at Jim for treating you like that, angry at him for playing the sympathy card with all of us, while all along he knew why you left him.”

Mart put an arm around both women.  “Why don’t the two of you go sit in Trixie’s room and talk?  Mike and I will come up in a little bit.”  He kissed the top of Trixie’s head and then kissed Honey’s forehead tenderly.  He turned to look at Mike.  “Come on, let’s go find out where super brother has gotten himself to.”  They grabbed their coats and headed out the door. 

The two girls climbed the stairs to Trixie’s room and closed the door. 

Honey began speaking first.  “I want you to know, that I never approved of his marriage.  I didn’t speak to him the entire three months.”

Trixie lifted her head.  “Three months?”

Honey nodded.  “She was horrible, Trixie.  I was against the marriage in the first place.  I knew that he still loved you.  And I admit that I was angry with you for leaving.  I met Janyce once, and that was all it took.  Shortly after the wedding, not long after you left, Jim realized that he had made a mistake.  He had the marriage annulled.”

Downstairs Peter and Helen were sitting on the sofa talking.  “I never knew she thought we chose Jim over her, Peter.  She’s my little girl, our little girl.”  Helen turned into her husband’s shoulder and cried.  Peter hugged his wife and held her tight.

 

Mike and Mart made their way through the woods.  Mike looked at Mart. “Do you know where he may have headed?”

Mart shook his head.  “Not really, there are a lot of abandoned buildings around here.  We could try the old school house first.”

“Why there?”

Mart smiled sadly.  “Brian once spent a very scary, cold night in that place with both Trixie and Jim.”  The two walked in silence, as they approached the old schoolhouse, Mart peered in the window.  Seeing Brian sitting hunched over on a bench, he opened the door and led Mike inside.

Brian began to speak before either Mike or Mart had a chance.  “I never realized that Trixie thought we were choosing Jim over her.”  He clenched and unclenched his fists.  “That I would choose Jim over her.  She’s my little sister,” Brian’s voice dropped.  “He was my best friend.  He just,” Brian choked on a sob, “he helped me.  I remember that conversation; I remember her coming to me to talk to me about how she was feeling.”

“Brian,” Mike interrupted him, “I am sure you regret your actions.  I can see how hurt you are, and how sorry you are.  Though I am happy to see this reaction, there is someone else who needs to know, and she’s in the house.”

In Trixie’s room Honey and Trixie were still talking.  Honey was listening as Trixie poured her heart out.              She knew that Trixie had been embarrassed when she left Sleepyside.  Now she realized how deep the humiliation ran.  She hugged her friend and encouraged her to continue.  Soon Trixie was exhausted.  She smiled sadly at Honey.  “I know you could keep listening to me Honey, but I just don’t have any more in me today.” 

As the girls embraced, there was a knock at the door.  Honey opened it and Brian stepped in, followed by Mike and Mart.

Brian crossed the room and engulfed Trixie in a hug, tears streamed down his face as he buried it in her hair.  “I’m so sorry, Trix, so very, very sorry.  I love you.”  His body shook as he hugged her.

“I love you too, Brian,” Trixie murmured.

Mart cleared his throat.  “Not to be rude or predictable, but I am starving, and I smelt some fabulous food as we came through the kitchen.”

They all smiled gratefully at Mart.  “Let’s go then.”  Trixie smiled at them all and let the way down the stairs.

As everyone sat around the table, Peter said grace, and when he was finished, he spoke.  “I was speaking with Mike before we sat down to dinner, and he mentioned that there are some things he would like to share with everyone.”

All heads turned to Mike as he nervously cleared his throat, and Trixie gave his hand a squeeze.  “I know I was a surprise to all of you, some more than others.  I do apologize for that.  I want to apologize to Tricia’s, I mean Trixie’s… I’ll get it right soon I promise.”  Everyone laughed.  “Family for descending on them like this.  I really wanted to meet you all and I was dying to find out, Honey, what was so urgent.”  He paused as the boys groaned, and the girls giggled at his choice of words.  “If I had known the third degree I was in for when I arrived, and the drama I would be involved in, I may have taken my time getting here.”  Mike paused to smile at the Beldens and the Bob-Whites.  “I have seen a picture of the Bob-Whites only once, and I could see how close you were.  I count myself lucky to be able to meet most of you, and I look forward to meeting Jim”, as he said this Mart, Brian and Dan exchanged amused looks, “and your families.  And I hope that Trici… Trixie will show me around and that many, if not all of you, will join us.  And now that I’ve embarrassed myself and Trish, I’ll stop talking.”  There was good-natured laughter at Mike’s last comment. 

The conversation flowed easily.  The stress, negative and sad emotions  that had filled the house only a couple of hours earlier replaced by the feeling of love and acceptance. 

Trixie had had the first of many hard conversations, and survived.  Several more would occur over the next few days.  I can do this, she thought as she looked around the table, I have their love and support.  Trixie caught Honey’s eye, she saw the sadness in her eyes, Trixie smiled and Honey smiled back.  It will be okay, I will be okay, thought Trixie.  She smiled at Mart, who tapped his heart before reaching for the potatoes.

Mike squeezed her hand, leaned into her and whispered, “They love you, Trixie.”

The End.

Author Notes

No profit is being made from this story.  It is in no way associated with Random House.

Thank you again to my ever patient editor Jill.

Some people who suffer from panic attacks suffer from them very sporadically and may have an inhaler prescribed to them to help them if it causes asthma type symptoms.  I figure if Trixie was going to suffer from something it would be something a little unusual.

Trixie Belden is a trademark of Random House, no money is being made from this story.

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