*All ages

Author’s note: For context, Diana and Mart are in their mid-twenties and are married. And I’ve probably infringed copyright six ways from Sunday. Oh, well, in for a dime, in for a dollar. For the record: neither the characters nor the song lyrics are mine. They’ve just lodged in my soul for the duration.

Much thanks are due to Lynn and HeatherM for editing and encouragement!!!

 

The songs quoted are:

"Forgive Me," written by Jack Yellen & Milton Ager, performed by Peggy Lee.

"Ain’t That Lonely Yet," written & performed by Dwight Yoakam

"Believe Me Baby (I Lied)," written by Kim Richey & Larry Gottlieb, performed by Trisha Yearwood

"Don’t Know Much," lyrics by Barry Mann, Cynthia Well, Tom Snow, performed by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville

 

ALL I NEED TO KNOW: a song cycle in four parts

by Roxanne

 

Prelude: Diana

FORGIVE ME

Okay. This is it. He's refused to respond to my calls or letters. The only reason he's here now is to pick up some of his things. He's rummaging through the closet and dresser as I sit here on the bed, wondering how to begin, knowing it's my last chance.

How do I start? How do I make it right after I broke his heart, knowing full well what I was doing? There must be soft words, spoken in a soothing, loving tone, as a mother would comfort a hurting child when the wound is fresh and the raw edges are painful to the touch ...

Forgive me ... please forgive me.
I didn't mean to make you cry ...

No response. Maybe he didn't hear me. No ... he doesn't believe me. That's not how I felt when I hurt him, and he knows it. I've lost his trust.

What can I do ... or say to you?
I know exactly how you feel.

Oh! For the first time, a response ... but not one I hoped for. That jerk of his head and his stiffened spine say so clearly, without words, that there's no way I can possibly know how he feels. Better keep it simple, stupid. Be excruciatingly honest and admit, out loud, that I was wrong.

I've hurt you so ... I'm wrong, I know.
Please listen, dear, to my appeal.
Forgive me ... please forgive me.
I didn't mean to make you cry ...

Oh, no. This isn't working. He's closing his suitcase and heading for the door. He'll be gone, and I may never have another chance to tell him how much I really love him ... feelings I've only come to realize myself since I drove him away.

I love you ... and ... I need you.
Do anything, but don't say "Goodbye."

His back is towards me, so he can’t see the tears streaming down my face. He's reaching for the door. I have maybe twenty seconds ... maybe twenty words ... before he walks out of my life forever. This is my last shot. I messed up. I can't change the past ... but maybe we can start over.

Let bygones just be bygones ...
We all make mistakes now and then.
I'm sorry ...


Wait. Is he hesitating? Oh, please ...

Forgive me, my dear…
And let's be sweethearts again.

Forgive me.

Please …

Forgive me.

 

*     *     *     *

 

Verse: Mart

Ain’t That Lonely Yet

I can’t believe this. Apparently she isn’t getting the message that I have nothing to say to her, even though I haven’t replied to a word she’s been saying the whole time I’ve been packing. Ironic – this is the first time in my life that I’ve tried to let silence speak for me. Not very efficacious. Okay, I give up. After all, everybody expects me to be the man of words. Let’s see how she comprehends words of one syllable.

You keep calling me on the telephone
You say you’re all alone
Well, that’s real sad

You keep leavin’ notes stuck on my door
Guess you’re hungry for some more
Girl, that’s too bad

She was the one who left me, remember? She bought the whole package, hook, line, and sinker, from that self-proclaimed "starmaker," that world-promising talent agent, and took off for the lights of Broadway. All I asked her to do was to hold up for a couple of days and let me get Trix and Honey to check him out, but oh, no. She’s the one who accused me of having no faith in her talent, of standing in the way of her success, of being solely responsible for preventing her dreams from coming true. Funny – until then I thought I had a part in her dreams.

‘Cause I ain’t that lonely yet
No, I ain’t that lonely yet
After what you put me through
No, I ain’t that lonely yet

I should have known better. How could I be so obtuse as to think that the most beautiful and talented woman I’ve ever known could reconcile herself to being satisfied with me – the freckle-faced know-it-all who has to shear his hair off to make it fit for public consumption, whose only notable characteristic is his ability to function as a walking thesaurus? She sure had me going for a while, though. All those miniscule details you don’t stop to think about – the way she fits next to me when I put my arm around her, savoring the fragrance of her hair, getting lost in those eyes. According to Brian and Trixie, I’m supposed to have swallowed a dictionary at birth, but somehow I can never think of words sufficient to describe her – or the way I feel about her. But it’s no good, now.

Once there was this spider in my bed
I got caught up in her web of love and lies

She spun her chains around my heart and soul
Never to let go; oh, but I survived

She’s only back now because that charlatan left her high and dry. And when the next opportunity presents itself, what’s to prevent her from taking off again? There’s nothing in Sleepyside to hold a woman like her; I don’t know why I ever thought I could. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy. I never thought that trying to protect her could cause me to hurt like this. And I never want to hurt like this again; I couldn’t survive a second time.

‘Cause I ain’t that lonely yet
No, I ain’t that lonely yet
After what you put me through
Oh, I ain’t that lonely yet

Why does she keep talking? Oh, please make her stop! It’s taking all I can do to keep my distance while she’s pleading with me like this. I never could resist her coaxing, even when we were kids … but how can I trust her again?

There’s nothing left that you can do
To try and bring me ‘round
‘Cause everything you do brings me down

Oh, and I ain’t that lonely yet
No, I ain’t that lonely yet
After what you put me through
No, I ain’t that lonely yet

 

*     *     *     *

 

Reprise: Diana

Believe Me Baby (I Lied)

Oh, thank you, God. He’s finally talking to me. Even though what he’s saying hurts so much, it’s no more than I deserve. And it’s given me a chance to communicate with him; his silence was so unnerving. Now I’ve got to make him understand that the lesson I’ve learned is NOT that I can’t make it … it’s that I can’t make it without him.

If there ever was a time
That I could use your trust in me
And if there ever was a reason
For me to get down on my knees
And if there’s any way
That you could love me anyhow
If you ever had much faith in me
I could use a little now

Words are so important to him; he lives and dies by le mot juste. The thing he can’t forgive me for is not that I left, but what I said. How can I make him understand that I literally didn’t realize what I was saying, that I was using anything that popped into my head to justify myself? I wanted to be a STAR! That sounds so trite now; like any one of a thousand "B" movie scripts. It was just lines – it wasn’t me.

When I said that it would suit me fine
If you were out of sight and out of mind
That wasn’t me talking
That was my foolish pride
When I said I didn’t want your love
And you were no one I was thinking of
Believe me baby I lied

Oh, please listen. Don’t you realize that I came back because it was no good without you? It only took a couple of auditions and call-backs for me to realize that it was you I wanted to share the news with, your approval I craved, your support I needed? I’ve seen the artificiality now behind that glamorous façade and how it pales in comparison with your realism, your sincerity, your presence in my life. I’m so sorry that I was too shallow to see it before.

Well I got no good excuses
But I got plenty of regrets
And I wish this was some bad dream
I could wake up and forget
‘Cause you’re the only one
That I could never stand to lose
You’re all I’ve ever wanted
Baby that’s the truth

He’s finally looked me in the eyes! But I can still see his hurt, his doubt. I’ve got to try one more time and convince him, for once, to consider not the words, but the source.

When I said it would suit me fine
If you were out of sight and out of mind
That wasn’t me talking
That was my foolish pride
When I said I didn’t want your love
And you were no one I was thinking of
Believe me baby I lied

Oh, God, let him give me another chance. It shouldn’t cause him so much hurt for me to learn a lesson. And I have learned! Please help him stop hurting … and let there be an "us" again.

 

*     *     *     *

 

Coda: Mart/Diana

Don’t Know Much

What do you want from me? I can’t do this any longer. Do you really want to be here? With me? I’m still the same person you left. I don’t know what to do … I don’t know what to change … I don’t know what I have to offer. All I know is that I love you.

Look at this face – I know the years are showing
Look at this life – I still don’t know where it’s going
I don’t know much … but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know

 

*     *     *     *

 

Oh, baby, the problem never was with you. I couldn’t see what I had because of what I thought I wanted. All style, no substance, and I fell for the oldest con in the book. I’m the one who needs to change … and I have. I’ve come to realize that I can never be happy away from you. We’re not the same people we were before, and I know it’s impossible to just pick up where we left off. But we’re so much better together than we can ever be separately. I want to be with you. Can we begin again?

Look at these eyes – they’ve never seen what mattered
Look at this dream – so beaten and so battered
I don’t know much … but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know

So many questions still left unanswered
So much I’ve never broken through
And when I feel you near me, sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I’ve ever known is me and you

 

*     *     *     *

 

I’m afraid of getting hurt again and my emotions are so confused that I don’t know if I can ever unravel them. The only choice I have is to start with the one thing I do know: I love you. I don’t know how to go on from there … but I’d like to try.

Oh, Di. Let me put the suitcase down.

Look at this man, so blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul, still searching for salvation
I don’t know much … but I know I love you
And that may be all I need to know

 

*     *     *     *

 

I don’t know much … but I know I love you

And that may be all there is to know.

 

 The End

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